We'll Consecrate This Messy Love
by PrettyLittlePoutyMouth
Summary: Sequel/Prequel to "Within the Confines of Such Chemistry." Jane and Maura continue to explore the sexual dynamic of their relationship.
1. A relationship is not a deposition

A/N: The entirety of this fic takes place between chapters 6 and 7 of Within the Confines of Such Chemistry. It is finished, and I will be posting updates on a schedule.

Dan Savage's advice is referenced many times in this fic. Personally, I've found his advice to be extremely beneficial in my own relationships, and thought perhaps Jane and Maura would too.

Thanks to kbs for being my beta, among many other things.

.

Maura's head tipped back and she moaned as Jane nuzzled her neck, teeth nipping just above her clavicle, as Jane drove into her. Maura's ankles were bent over Jane's shoulders, which truthfully was mildly disappointing because her legs prevented access to many parts of Jane that she longed to touch. But they were trying strap-on sex in the missionary position, with the Feeldoe, which had the angle most conducive to that kind of penetration. Jane had been so excited to realize how flexible Maura was, and Maura loved that she was enjoying it. If the sounds she made as she steadily rolled her hips were any indication, Jane was very turned on.

And she wasn't the only one. Though the position wasn't necessarily Maura's favorite, it did allow her to feel a lot of Jane's body against her, and watch Jane's face react to the tug of the strap-on inside her, and the friction it gave her clit. Like every encounter she had with Jane, Maura was thoroughly enjoying herself, basking in the flood of chemicals that made her feel even more bonded to Jane as they worked toward climax together.

Finally, though, Maura had to murmur, "My legs are gradually losing circulation."

"Huh? Oh," Jane tilted backward, allowing Maura's ankles to unhook from her shoulders. Maura instead tucked her legs around Jane's lower back, squeezing her with her thighs, wanting to feel as much of her body moving as possible. Her hands replaced her ankles, starting at Jane's shoulders, but moving quickly to touch other parts of her—arms, neck, hair, breasts. Jane shuddered when Maura closed her fingertips around a nipple, her pace stuttering momentarily as her focus shattered. She picked back up her pace with a little more vigor, eliciting a surprised cry from Maura, though not from pain. Jane couldn't know that, though. "You okay?" she asked, gentling.

Maura used her lower legs to coax Jane to thrust harder, "Yes. Keep…" Maura trailed off into a moan, and reached between their bodies to touch her nipples. She couldn't quite get to her clit, didn't even want to put enough distance between their bodies for her hand, but she suspected she wouldn't need to; if she could help Jane get off, she would most likely follow, just from watching.

Maura wanted to be a little closer to the plateau phase of orgasm before attempting to climax while watching Jane, though, and so she closed her eyes as she touched her nipples, and imagined Jane's dark hair between her legs. She imagined the way Jane's tongue would feel, tentative but brave, pressing against her, and imagined tangling her fingers in Jane's hair, keeping her still while Maura's hips moved gently against her mouth.

When she realized she had whimpered from the fantasy, Maura opened her eyes. Jane was watching her, smirking a little. She lowered her face to kiss Maura and then nuzzled her nose, murmuring, "Where did you go just now?"

 _Somewhere you won't_ , was Maura's initial thought, but she pushed it away. "I was thinking about how good you make me feel," she answered softly. Not a lie. Jane _did_ make her feel good. This was certainly the most she'd ever enjoyed missionary position intercourse.

It was just that…for all the experimenting they had done together, Maura had realized lately that she craved good vanilla sex. No toys, no scenes, no roleplay, just _Jane_ , and her hands and mouth, getting Maura off.

The problem was, she had perhaps set a precedent, and pretty much all Jane wanted to do was try out every strap-on in every position possible. It was hard to not get swept up in Jane's excitement about finally getting to enact all of the strap-on fantasies Maura assumed she'd been secretly pleasuring herself to for years. And so Maura hadn't pushed.

But as her mind wandered and her body craved during this encounter, Maura knew she'd have to say something soon.

However, in the moment, she chose to focus on Jane, just above her, arms working to keep herself steady as she moved. Watched the way her eyes would roll back with pleasure each time she picked up the pace for a short burst. Listened to the sound of her labored breaths, tempered with groans and soft words. Felt the ways Jane moved with her, inside her, against her, through her. Breathed in the scent of her shampoo, her natural pheromones, tasted her lips, her skin, each sense engaged and encompassed with _Jane_. "God, you're exquisite," she whispered, tilting her head up to catch Jane's lips again.

Jane whimpered into her mouth. "And you're so beautiful," she replied when their lips parted, her hips moving faster.

Maura smiled, letting Jane's words affect her. "Tell me how it feels for you."

Jane moaned in response, and Maura saw her throat and jaw work for a moment as she formulated a reply. "I love feeling it…inside me, while I'm inside you," Jane started, brows knit a little, "And getting to watch how much you love it, when I…" Jane trailed off, and at first, Maura thought she couldn't bring herself to say anything crude. But then Jane's pace abruptly changed to slow, hard and deep, and Maura arched and cried out in pleasure.

"Yes," was the only verbal response Maura could muster; the rest of what came from her mouth was certainly in no language but pleasure. She gripped Jane's back, hard, with her arms and legs, encouraging her movements.

"And I love," Jane husked, "that I get to make you come."

In the end, it wasn't Jane coming that got Maura off; it was reversed. It was Jane's words, and the way they made Maura's eyes roll back in her head. She saw stars behind her eyelids first, then the rest of her body seemed to catch up, and her abdomen clenched and dropped and she was coming, shuddering violently in Jane's arms.

She realized Jane was coming partway through her own orgasm, and managed to pry open her eyes in time to take in Jane's head tipping back and her jaw trembling open before she buried her face in Maura shoulder to muffle her moans as her hips jerked an unsteady rhythm into Maura, whose own orgasm seemed to change to match Jane's, and they shuddered in unison until sensation faded.

Jane was the first to speak. " _Fuck_." The word was muffled into the pillow just below Maura's right ear, awe and fatigue expressed in one breathy syllable.

Maura brushed Jane's hair back and kissed her forehead. "Very effective," she informed Jane, who chuckled and lifted her head, shy gaze falling to Maura's lips, which she kissed. Even now, a few weeks after they'd both acknowledged that they were in a relationship, Jane still got shy after sex.

And they'd definitely had a lot of sex. Strap-on sex, anyway, Maura reflected as Jane carefully rose and slid out of her, then cuddled up next to her. Maura realized she'd probably been vaginally penetrated more frequently by Jane these past few weeks than by any other partner. She felt the object, slick and warm, press into her hip. Jane rolled away enough to unselfconsciously reach between her legs and pull the other end of the strap-on out of herself with a sharp exhale, then rolled back over to snuggle Maura, who intertwined their legs.

"That was amazing," Jane voice purred in Maura's ear. "But then, it always is."

And the thing was, Jane wasn't wrong, at all.

And yet, Maura still craved what she wasn't getting: plain old French vanilla lesbian sex.

Irony was always remarkable.

.

Two things Jane was sure of: She'd never had a better lover than Maura, and she'd never been a better lover to anyone else.

Jane had never felt so excited about sex in all her life. Granted, she didn't have a whole lot to compare it to. She'd only had a handful or two of lovers before Maura, and in most cases, they'd only had sex maybe half a dozen times before things didn't work out. It didn't lend itself to much variety. And for Jane, who liked penetration okay but had never gotten off from it, it produced jealousy, for the guys she was with who got off every time. Just another thing guys got to do so easily that she had to struggle for and ultimately got no help with. And so Jane's thoughts, naturally, drifted to their experience. She was adept at seeing the world through their eyes, and she began to try to view the experience as a man to tap into it. How good it would feel, to slide inside a woman, be enveloped in soft heat. How she'd touch you, how she'd let you know she was enjoying it.

It never occurred to Jane that this fantasy might be a little bit gay. She used it to try to enjoy sex with men more, and it worked, somewhat. It didn't seem that weird when that fantasy also popped up when she got herself off alone. It was, after all, her go-to fantasy when she was trying to feel sexy.

And even if the strap-on wasn't _actually_ a part of Jane, the fact that she'd mostly used ones that gave her a good degree of stimulation meant that she, too, could come during penetrative sex, while making Maura come, and it was as if finally, she understood what all the fuss was about.

It occurred to Jane a few times that there were other things Maura certainly liked to do, but she brushed it aside. This gave Maura some of the most intense orgasms Jane had ever witnessed, and Jane's own orgasms blew her mind every time.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.


	2. It gets better

If there was one thing Maura had learned about Jane, it was that her nerves changed pretty quickly into confidence, cockiness even, at the first sign that she was on the right track. Maura was aware of enough about Jane's sexuality to know that she was probably nervous about other aspects of sex with women, which was possibly why they hadn't done much more than relatively heteronormative sex. Aside, of course, from the mostly mutual masturbation in their other sexual adventures. Maura knew she would just have to guide Jane through that initial nervousness, and then Jane's eagerness would take over, and Maura was certain she would impress her.

The idea struck Maura during a slow Thursday. Maura had just finished some paperwork and was browsing shoes online when she caught sight of Jane striding past the window toward her office door. She poked her head around the doorframe first, catching Maura's eye and smiling as she strode in. "Hey. How's it going?"

Maura smiled back and lowered her computer's screen. "Fine. How's your day?"

Jane shrugged, "Slow." She spread out on Maura's couch. "What do you want to do for dinner?" she asked.

Maura raised her eyebrows. "It's only 2:30."

"I like to plan ahead," Jane replied, half-serious.

"I was going to make a porcini risotto with mascarpone tonight."

Jane blinked. "Are you trying to seduce me?" she asked mischievously, glancing behind her to make sure no criminalists or lab technicians were nearby.

Maura wasn't. But she knew a good idea when she heard one. "Why, is that why you came to visit me?" she asked lightly.

Jane balked, momentarily, head swiveling again. "I…um…" She trailed off as she watched Maura move about the room, closing her office door and drawing the shades. Only her head and eyes moved, observing Maura. "Oh," Jane finally said, as Maura leaned against her desk, facing Jane and smirking. "Are you serious right now?" Jane finally asked, a little bit breathless.

Maura smiled wider, "Please. You know that I've had occasion to take advantage of the privacy my office affords." But Maura still wasn't moving from where she was leaned against her desk.

"Yeah," Jane acknowledged, "But…" she trailed off.

"I'm not asking for anything except a moment alone with you," Maura said softly, "Now come kiss me."

Jane was rising to her feet almost before Maura had finished the sentence, closing the distance between them with the predatory grace she exuded particularly strongly while on the job. That magnetism was certainly one of the first things that had drawn Maura to the detective, and it pulled her just as powerfully now. She straightened up from the desk to meet Jane, though she didn't approach. She really didn't need to, though, with Jane in front of her in a few long strides, hands already slipping down Maura's body to settle on her hips, head tilting and ducking a little to press their lips together.

Jane's kiss was gentle, sweet, but just a little too intense to be chaste. Maura kissed back, hands settling on Jane's scapulae. Jane pressed their foreheads together and sighed. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to kiss you here."

"My office?" Maura asked in surprise. They didn't typically spend that much time in here together, and as far as she could tell, Jane had never cared much for the décor.

Jane shrugged one shoulder. "Work, in general. When I'd watch you and your big brain piece together some science that would break my case wide open." She smiled softly in a way that Maura was sure only she ever got to see.

"Believe me, you're not the only one," Maura replied, kissing Jane again before continuing. "Do you know how sexy it is to watch you intimidate suspects?" Jane snorted and shook her head. "Oh yes. Or when you swagger into a crime scene and take charge." Jane chuckled, but before she could reply, Maura was kissing her again, reaching one hand up to tangle in Jane's hair. She broke away just after Jane hummed in surprise at the intensity of Maura's kiss. "I've imagined what we could do at work for a long time," she breathed into Jane's ear.

Jane pressed herself more fully against Maura at those words, her hands moving from Maura's hips to the desk just behind them, as her head dipped down to Maura's again. Maura allowed her weight to settle so she was back to leaning on the desk, now with Jane flush against her, pinning her there. Her hands slipped up beneath Jane's jacket, and she ran her nails over Jane's t-shirt, fingers tracing the sacrospinalis muscles on her lower back. Maura trailed her hands lower until she was grasping Jane's gluteus. She felt Jane's intrigued hum against her lips, and she grabbed her ass, effectively pulling her closer.

Jane pressed their bodies closer together, trying to entangle their legs. Maura held her just above her hips to keep from tilting any further back, and Jane, noting where Maura's hands stopped, reached down to remove her badge, phone and gun, placing them on the corner of Maura's desk. Maura's hands slid down to Jane's waist as they pressed together, but she needed more stability. She shifted, sitting and settling perched just on the edge of her desk. She had just enough maneuverability as her dress rode up to wrap her lower legs around Jane's thighs. Jane settled where the fabric of the dress stretched between Maura's upper legs, as Maura held the lapels of Jane's jacket, keeping Jane bent toward her, prolonging the kiss.

Maura noticed when Jane's weight shifted, enough to lift a hand. First she cradled the back of Maura's head as she kissed her, then it smoothed down Maura's hair and down her back. It paused at the very top of Maura's ass, then stroked past her iliac crest and along her thigh until it touched skin a few inches above Maura's knee. Her fingers widened, as if she wanted to touch all of Maura's thigh at once, and she slowly began to move her hand along Maura's vastus lateralis, beneath her dress. Maura unhooked her legs from around Jane, and the fabric of the dress became looser around her thighs. Moments later, Jane's other hand was on Maura's left leg, in the same spot, both hands traveling further up, thumbs hooking out to slowly take Maura's dress with them.

Abruptly, Jane groaned, and her hands shoved Maura's dress almost up to her waist, and she pressed her hips against Maura's. Maura gasped, keeping her balance by wrapping her legs around Jane's waist and holding onto Jane's shoulders. Jane held Maura by her hips, hands still beneath her dress, lifting her just enough to push her dress out of the way so that their bodies pressed together completely as they kissed.

Jane broke the kiss, nearly panting. "God, I wish I could just…" she trailed off, rolling her hips into the apex of Maura's for emphasis.

Maura moaned, "Then do it. Please."

Jane stilled for a moment. "Yeah, but I don't have…um…anything."

Maura stared up at her, torn between wanting to laugh and wanting question Jane's deductive skills. Either, she decided, would bruise Jane's ego too hard during such a delicate moment. Besides, she could understand the appeal of strap-on sex on the desk. Instead, she kissed Jane. "I don't keep sex toys in my office, but you know what? It's okay." Her hands trailed down Jane's body to her belt, which Maura began to unfasten.

"What're you…" Jane started, but trailed off, tipping back on her heels just enough to give Maura room to work. Maura had Jane's pants open, her fingers tracing the edge of Jane's panties. Jane looked at her, her expression almost feverish in its intensity.

"Because this?" Maura slid her hand into Jane's panties, uttering a stuttered gasp as she did so. Jane swallowed her own moan. "This is all I want," Maura said softly, moving her fingers to emphasize her point, "I need this."

Those seemed to be the words Jane needed to hear. Her fingers dug into Maura's waist, searching for her panties, trying to tug them down. Maura removed her hand from Jane's pants to grasp Jane's shoulders again, and lifted each hip in turn so that Jane could jerk the garment down to her thighs. Jane stepped back, pulling Maura's underwear down her legs as she did so, finally kneeling in front of Maura as she slid them past her heels. She looked up at her, smirked, and shoved the panties into her suit jacket pocket. Maura whimpered.

Jane stood back up, her open pants barely clinging to her hips, but she didn't seem to notice as she grabbed Maura's waist again, pushing past the fabric of the dress in her lap to bare skin beneath. Her dress was hiked so high that Maura had no trouble now wrapping her legs around Jane's waist as Jane kissed her.

Jane's thumb moved first, stroking over Maura's hipbone. Maura gasped as the light touch traced over the thin, sensitive skin along the inguinal ligament. Jane's thumb circled closer, past the proximal point of Maura's leg, brushing just barely over the mons pubis. Maura exhaled in a breathy moan, legs tightening around Jane eagerly, seeking to push them together, to be touched.

At the sound, Jane broke the kiss to smirk down at her, but her own flush and glassy gaze betrayed her heightened state of arousal. She watched Maura's face as her thumb circled gently, parting Maura's labia to brush past her clitoris. Maura inhaled a shuddery breath, eyelids fluttering. "Yes," she breathed.

Jane's smile widened, but her eyes stayed big, almost concerned. "Just…tell me what you need, okay?" she asked softly.

Maura nodded firmly. "You're off to a good start." Jane huffed a laugh.

But despite that agreement, it was Jane who figured out what Maura needed, after she seemed to grow bored of touching with just her thumb. Maura felt as Jane's fingers replaced her thumb, slipping down, fingertips just slightly dipping inside. Maura had moaned before she was even aware of it, before she was even sure she needed it, but she wanted it then, and Jane caught on immediately. Two fingers pressed down again, then pushed inside Maura with barely any hesitation. Maura knew she made some kind of sound against Jane's mouth, but she had no idea what. She only knew that Jane was smiling against her lips.

Jane's fingers stayed still at first, as her thumb searched, circling Maura's clit. Maura lifted her hips, trying to intensify the connection, wanting more, and then she felt Jane's fingers curl. "God, so effective," Maura breathed.

Jane's fingers began to stroke slowly inside. "Feels amazing," Jane's voice in her ear was low, a little raspy.

Maura shivered. Though it wasn't the first time Jane had touched her like this, this time, she felt purpose in Jane's actions instead of exploration. The difference was palpable, potentially to both of them, if Jane's breathy whimpers were persuasive evidence.

Gradually, Jane's fingers began to pick up the pace, until—and Maura had no better word for it—she was positively fucking Maura with them. At a hitch in the pacing, Maura looked down and was perceptive enough to notice the moment Jane switched from controlling the action with her wrist to bracing her forearm on her hip and using the power of her core muscles to drive into Maura.

That alone was so supremely arousing that Maura felt the beginning sensations signaling the arrival of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle. The change in the fulcrum of the action also changed the pace, which was now slower, but harder, and Maura felt her breaths matching the rhythm of Jane's hand. Jane's thumb pressed into her clit with each thrust. Maura felt her body tightening, coiling, as she clung to Jane.

Maura felt her back arch first, as Jane thrust into her deeply, pausing there to curl her fingers and press with her thumb, and then Maura was climaxing. Jane kept her hand still, her fingers pressing, and her other arm slipped around Maura's back to hold her steady and close as Maura gripped her, shuddering and whimpering as Jane's fingers prolonged her orgasm with subtle movements.

Jane held Maura as she sagged forward, breathing hard, her orgasm abating. Maura felt the hand stroking her hair and the kiss near her temple, and felt as Jane finally withdrew her fingers, her hand settling on Maura's thigh. Maura felt Jane's fingers, slick and hot, and Maura caught her wrist, lifting Jane's fingers to her mouth. It seemed to Maura to be both practical and, given the way Jane's jaw went slack and her throat made some kind of noise, erotic. Maura sucked on her fingers, moving her tongue, and Jane whimpered.

When Maura finally released Jane's wrist, Jane's hand, seemingly impulsively, settled on Maura's jaw for a moment, then slid back into her hair as Jane leaned forward to kiss Maura rather fiercely. The desperation in her kiss finally cleared away most of the post-orgasmic cloud in Maura's brain, and she remembered that Jane hadn't come.

Her hands trailed down Jane's body until they reached her belt, and Maura pushed Jane's pants down just past her hips and let them fall. Jane pulled away, looked down at herself and half-chuckled, sounding a little nervous.

Maura caught her eye when she looked back up and lifted her eyebrows, pointing toward the sofa. Jane just lifted her own eyebrows right back, tilting her chin down a bit incredulously. Maura just tilted her head to the side and nodded more firmly toward the couch. Jane stepped out of her pants and began moving toward it. "We don't have to do anything else if you don't want, Maura," she said, a little uncertainly.

"What on earth makes you think I don't want to keep going?" Maura asked as she pulled off her heels.

Jane shrugged. "I don't know. I just mean…I helped you with your sex-at-work thrill, you don't have to…um…" Jane trailed off as Maura stepped toward her, picking up one of the couch pillows and placing it on the floor in front of Jane's bare legs.

"I don't have to what?" Maura prompted, carefully kneeling down in her dress on the pillow.

"I mean, I'm good, if," Jane's breath hitched as Maura's hands settled on her knees. "If you have to get back to work or something. I'm…" She trailed off.

"Jane," Maura implored, "Look at me." Jane looked at Maura with hazy eyes. Her lips parted slightly when she met her gaze. "I really, really want to do this, but only if you want to." She wasn't begging, but it was a near thing.

Jane took a deep breath. "God, I'm going straight to hell." At Maura's lifted eyebrow, she clarified, "I'm stealing taxpayer money. I'm on the clock."

Maura laughed. "Is that what you're worried about? Count it as a lunch break. I'm certain you've worked through plenty of those in your career."

Jane had to laugh with her, and ultimately, she nodded and swallowed. "I do want you to do it," she said, her voice so low it made Maura grip her legs harder. "Fuck, I'm already throbbing from making you come," she admitted, averting her eyes.

It was as she was taking off Jane's underpants that she deduced what seemed most likely to her to be the real source of Jane's hesitation. She realized that Jane tended to get nervous anytime the focus of their activity was her pleasure. She could be cocky as hell in bed when it came to getting Maura to climax, and fortuitously, frequently what got Maura off got Jane off. But in the cases where their orgasms didn't align, Jane had gotten anxious. Maura remembered watching Jane during the life drawing modeling, how to she had to be careful to observe her without Jane feeling like she was being watched, how she saw Jane gradually relax until she was able to bring herself to orgasm.

So after tugging the panties past Jane's ankles, Maura paused and looked up at Jane again. "We can always stop if you need to for any reason," she reminded her.

"Can we not think about you stopping when you haven't even started yet," Jane said, very fast.

Maura grinned and slid her hands up Jane's inner thighs, parting them gently, then sliding up to Jane's hips, skirting anything truly erogenous. She tugged, coaxing Jane to sit further forward. Maura saw Jane's head turn away as she was faced with Jane Rizzoli, opened and exposed to her, for the first time.

She kissed Jane's inner thighs gently, trying to catch Jane's eye. Jane finally looked back at her, looking frustrated and perplexed.

"Let me savor this," Maura whispered, and felt Jane's shiver. She rubbed her cheek against Jane's gracilis muscle. "Because this?" Maura let the tip of her tongue just barely press against Jane's inner labia. "This is going to be delicious," she whispered.

Jane gasped, and her thighs opened wider, probably both from Maura's teasing and the sensation of her breath between Jane's legs. "Maura," Jane said, and the word was half a whine, half a warning.

Maura placed one more kiss on Jane's inner thigh, then grazed her teeth gently over the sensitive flesh there. Jane yelped slightly, and the sound changed into a groan as Maura mouth moved over to begin to explore Jane with just the tip of her tongue. She explored thoroughly, delicately. Jane inhaled sharply and reached a hand down, fisting into Maura's hair, just hard enough to sting a little. Maura got the hint and flattened her tongue, pressing against Jane's clit.

Jane's hips bucked. "Jesus," she whimpered, her head tipping back. Maura opened her mouth, enclosing as much of Jane's genitalia as she could, and felt Jane's other hand join her first, gripping Maura's hair hard enough to make her moan.

Maura began to move her tongue in earnest, and before long, Jane's hips were rolling with her tongue, so precisely that Maura couldn't help but imagine how Jane's abdominal muscles would look in that moment. She tried to press her face even closer, moaning into Jane's flesh. Caught up in the fantasy as she was, she was trailing her hand up her own thigh before she was aware of it, and then lifted her mouth from Jane to gasp as she touched her own clit.

"Are you?" Jane asked, leaning forward and looking down at Maura, "Oh, fuck." Her gaze settled on Maura's hand beneath her dress.

"Sorry," Maura said softly, lowering her mouth again to Jane, blocking Jane's view.

"Don't apologize," Jane got out through groans as Maura began moving her tongue again, focusing back on Jane. It was kind of incredible, Maura thought, that Jane could be so sexy that thoughts of her could distract Maura from giving her pleasure. But as Jane choked out, "Nnng, keep touching yourself," Maura's focus, unexpectedly, crystalized onto keeping a steady rhythm with her mouth on Jane's clitoris. Jane couldn't see her hand; it was only important that she believed. Maura let out a muffled moan, giving Jane feedback to work with. Jane's hips bucked harder, and then she was throwing her arm over her face, biting the sleeve of her jacket hard, trying to silence her moans as she shook and jerked through her orgasm. Maura held onto her hips and kept up as best she could, moaning herself.

Finally, Jane's undulations ceased, her jaw relaxed and she let her sleeve out of her teeth. Her arm dropped bonelessly onto the couch next to her. "Jesus," she whispered at the ceiling.

Maura licked her lips delicately, tracing her lipstick line with the tips of her fingers. "Thank you," she said, standing up and placing the pillow on the couch, then sitting beside Jane, throwing an arm around her and encouraging her to sag against her chest and shoulder.

"You're thanking me?" Jane laughed weakly.

Maura just smiled, feeling sated, trusted, and bonded.

.

Jane wasn't sure whether she should've disclosed to Maura that she'd never experienced oral sex before—or at least, not receiving. There were certainly no hard rules about this sort of thing, and Jane wasn't entirely sure where the ethical lines were. Still, she suspected that the result would've been the same even if Maura did know that this was a first for Jane.

It had been something Jane thought about sometimes, occasionally with a feeling of wistfulness, but it had never been so important to her that she'd specifically sought it out. It never had a chance to come up in most of her relationships, given how short-lived the majority of them were. Casey was the only partner who'd ever expressed interest in it, but they ended up spending so little actual time together that they never got around to it. Which had ultimately relieved Jane, because the thought of Casey's rough cheeks and chin on her sensitive skin really didn't appeal to her.

And, truthfully, nor did the expectation that she would love it, that it would make her come. Expectations typically eluded Jane, and she preferred to stay in situations where she was sure she could surpass them. Like work, and not the bedroom.

But from the moment Maura alluded to it, the thought both thrilled and terrified her. Because with Maura, she _wanted_ to do it, and her own hopeful expectations on top of Maura's presumed one were even weightier than ever. Fear of failure was a feeling Jane was intimately familiar with, and this fear of failing to come was no exception.

However, her sound success getting Maura off with just her hands—something she'd also been pretty nervous about—had been arousing enough that Jane found it relatively easy to push aside her anxiety and enjoy Maura's mouth on her. The relief she felt at the success of their encounter was intoxicating. Jane felt taller for the rest of the day.

That evening, as Maura made dinner, Jane stood by, sipping a beer and waiting to be tapped for any food preparation Maura felt she could handle. She probably would've been insulted by how little Maura actually asked her to do, but she was content enough watching and drinking beer that it seemed silly to make a fuss. Instead, she enjoyed the light buzz coursing through her, letting her eyes drift over Maura as she worked. She watched the precise motions of Maura's hands as she used knives and utensils, the focus of her bright gaze. Looked at the way her hair fell over her shoulders in waves, the slope of her neck, the lean muscles of her shoulders and arms. Took in the way her dress clung to her curves, the way her heels shaped her legs. Jane swallowed another mouthful of beer, licking her lips and letting her eyes trail back up. She guiltily looked back at Maura's face, but it seemed she was too focused on cooking to notice.

"You ever think about like…sex in other places?"

Maura turned to her with one eyebrow arched higher than she'd ever seen before. "Are you referring to orifices, or physical locations?"

Jane's mouth dropped, "I meant like, places that are not the bedroom!"

Maura laughed a little. "So, like today?"

Jane groaned, "Never mind."

Maura turned bodily to face her now. "I'm sorry," she said, seeking eye contact as she said it. Jane met her eyes, still feeling a little foolish. "I didn't mean to tease. Because, yes, absolutely, I think about sex in places that are not the bedroom. Do you?" She turned back to the stove enough to focus on the food for the moment.

Jane swallowed, watching her, and decided to voice what she'd really been thinking about. "Well, I was just fantasizing about what it would be like to fuck you on the kitchen island."

Maura grew still for a moment, her face relaxing into an easy smile. "I would be happy to try that with you sometime. Next time you're in the mood, let me know. Initiate."

"Initiate. Yeah, okay." Jane shrugged, trying to pretend the idea wasn't petrifying. Initiating meant the possibility of rejection, and Jane's desires felt so new, so fragile, she wasn't sure she could handle having them rejected yet. That would feel like failure.

Maura served dinner just after that, and the food was so good, Jane didn't think she did anything but groan and compliment it. Maura critiqued her own use of herbs in the recipe, but that amounted to about the extent of conversation.

As Jane took their bowls to the sink, Maura said, "I think about sex with you a lot, you know."

Jane laughed a little incredulously, glancing over her shoulder. "I wouldn't have guessed," she said sarcastically.

"I don't know that I've ever felt so fulfilled with anyone. You help me explore and grow sexually. So thank you."

"You're welcome," Jane mumbled, starting to become a little bit uncomfortable with all the praise.

"And I hope that we can continue to have sexual adventures together," Maura spoke, clearly proceeding along the line of thought. She had gotten up and was approaching Jane at the sink. "And I want to make sure that I help you explore and grow, too."

Jane blinked down at the plates she had been rinsing for a long time, and shut off the water. "I…don't really know what to say to that. I'm still not really sure what I like yet. Except for you." She reached to open the dishwasher.

"I know," Maura said softly, "So, I have an idea. I've paid for a subscription to a podcast for you. I'd like you to listen to it, keep an open mind, and anything you hear about that sounds interesting to you? Tell me."

"When am I going to have time to listen to a podcast?" She stood up, closing the dishwasher.

Maura frowned, looking genuinely hurt. "I specifically chose a podcast format because I know you never have time to read. I thought at least you'd be able to find time to listen."

"No, you're right," Jane backpedaled immediately, "Listening would be much easier than reading. I can listen when I'm at my desk or working out or whatever."

Maura smiled at her then, and Jane grinned back. This wouldn't really be so bad. She leaned forward to wrap her arm around Maura's waist, drawing her in for a kiss. But they were both full, content, and a little tired, so the kisses stayed soft, soothing. Maura rested her head on Jane's shoulder, Jane rested her cheek on top of Maura's head, and they held each other in the kitchen for a long moment, breathing, winding down from the day together.

Jane half-forgot about the podcast until she checked her email before work the next day and saw that Maura had emailed her a username and password for the site. After that, curiosity kept it present enough in her mind that when she found herself at her desk after lunch, scanning a pile of documents at Cavanaugh's request, she got out her phone and loaded up the website. It was honestly kind of rare that she had work that required this little of her attention, and she figured she should at least take the opportunity to listen.

She found herself cursing lightly as she struggled with the website and apps on her phone, and evidently, her muttering caught Nina's attention. She looked up from her own pile of documents that she was scanning. "Everything okay?" she asked a little warily.

Jane glanced up, sighing, and replied without really thinking, "Yeah, Maura signed me up for this podcast and I can't figure out how to get it to work with this app."

"Oh! Let me see, I can probably help."

Feeling old, Jane walked over and shoved her phone awkwardly at Nina. "I can't find how I'm supposed to log in on this app."

Nina examined the screen and then smiled. "Savage Lovecast, huh?" Jane grunted, arms folded as she watched. "I listen, too. He's given some advice that's helped me before." She said this a bit shyly, and Jane just smiled, not sure what else to do. "Every once in awhile, he totally steps in it, but when he messes up, he apologizes and learns from it. I respect that."

"I…don't know much about him," Jane admitted, not even fully sure who he was.

Nina glanced up, her expression keen. "I think you're in for a ride," she said bracingly. She walked Jane through setting up the podcast feed on her app.

"Thanks," Jane took her phone back. Nina just smiled disarmingly, and Jane slunk back to her desk, mildly embarrassed about needing help with her phone. She was usually pretty good with technology.

She knew that this was a podcast that dealt with sex in some capacity, given Maura's context, but she still wasn't prepared for what she was about to experience. The archive was huge, and Jane didn't know whether to start at the beginning or not, so she ended up just choosing a relatively recent episode and pushed play.

The entire endeavor was probably saved by the host talking at the top of the show about something stupid the Catholic church had done lately, which immediately bonded Jane to him. It sounded like he was as ambivalent about religion as she was, but like her, was forever "Catholic." She grinned through his opening rant. She loved when someone else called the Church out on its hypocrisy. Jane might not go to church anymore aside from weddings, baptisms and funerals—and the occasional holiday mass her mother managed to badger her into—but the idea that the Church could be better, should be better, always appealed to her.

Dan Savage was lucky he'd endeared himself to her, because the first actual call nearly sent Jane into a panic attack.

The caller was female and had recently begun exploring sex with women. That alone caused Jane's heart rate to increase, and she glanced over at Nina, already feeling conspicuous. The woman began to describe, in detail, the sex she was having with a woman she hooked up with, and Jane scrambled to hit pause. She blinked as she tried to clear the images in her head. The woman had described, in a breathy voice, her partner grinding all over her thigh, hips, abs, and Jane couldn't help but to picture Maura doing the same thing.

Maybe this was too much to listen to at work. She thought it would be a little more coy and silly, like Cosmo sex tips. She glanced again at Nina, feeling frustrated now that she'd let her see what she was planning to listen to. Was Nina judging her for listening to this on the clock? She didn't seem to be, though, and had her own headphones in, head bobbing lightly. Jane relaxed slightly, took a breath, and hit play again.

The woman on the podcast continued describing her encounter, and Jane found herself jabbing at the pause button again when the caller's partner moved up her body to sit on her face. Jane felt sweaty and shaky, and she closed her eyes briefly as she shuffled papers, and imagined Maura settling over her mouth.

Jane _wanted_ this, absolutely. And it was getting easier to picture herself doing it. The whole idea was still petrifying, though. It was incredibly intimate—which Jane knew full well, from Maura doing this in her office. But Jane lacked experience. She'd only done it with men a few times and hadn't really enjoyed it. She hadn't even really been able to tap into how the experience might be enjoyable for them, because there just wasn't any pleasure to start with for her, and it took too much concentration. But now, she let her mind wander there, and imagined she was wearing the Fusion strap-on, with Maura's head between her legs and… _fuck_. She shifted in her chair. _Now_ she had to capacity to imagine how hot it would be.

But that was a diversion, and she was equally eager to get back to the fantasy of going down on Maura. She pushed play on the podcast again.

In all the excitement, Jane had basically forgotten that she was listening to a sex advice podcast, and not listening to people share stories worthy of Penthouse or something. Which was why she was caught completely off-guard by the rest of the woman's call.

Jane was relaxing into the description of the sex, picturing herself and Maura. Resolving that someday, soon, she was going to do this for Maura. And then, the caller reported, her partner had squirted all over her face.

It took Jane a moment to even react, and then she was grabbing at her phone, trying to pause it, but it clattered to the floor as she accidentally flung it across the room. Nina looked up as Jane scrambled to grab it, and she shot back into her chair and slumped in front of her computer screen, hiding her face. She processed, belatedly and with a wave of anxiety, the caller describing the sheer volume of liquid her partner had expelled, enough to flood her mouth and utterly bathe her face.

Jane had heard of squirting, but as some kind of mythical occurrence that was probably faked in porn; she'd certainly never experienced it. She never thought to take it seriously, never thought to even _think_ about it, honestly. But now, she couldn't shake it. Was this more common with oral sex? With face-sitting?

A little warily, she decided to continue listening. Aside from being afraid for a moment that she was drowning, which just spiked Jane's anxiety even higher, the caller wasn't especially upset or outraged by the experience, she just wondered if maybe it wasn't impolite of her partner to basically come all over her face and fill her mouth without even a warning. Jane felt nervous. No one had ever come on her face, and she wasn't sure she would be okay with it. Nor was she particularly prepared to deal with having _that_ much of anyone's bodily fluid in her mouth on top of all her other already-present anxieties about sex in general.

She resolved to ask Maura whether this was something that she'd ever experienced. That was all they needed to do, just talk about it. Put Jane's mind at ease. But then, as Dan answered the question, a possibility arose: maybe this was the first time this particular woman had ever squirted.

Jane stopped the podcast. It could happen at any time, to any woman. It could surprise them both. And for the first time, she understood why men were afraid of women's bodies. They were, indeed, full of mystery.

Jane didn't listen to any more of the Savage Lovecast that day. It was too nerve-wracking.

That evening, Jane went to Maura's for dinner. She let herself in and kissed Maura in greeting. Maura, ever a perfect hostess, handed her a beer, which made Jane smile and kiss her again. "What're you making?"

"Just a scallop and asparagus sauté, served over rice."

Jane tried not to look skeptically over the skillet full of green vegetables cooking on the stove, because despite the asparagus, everything smelled great. She took a seat at the island, "Sounds good," she conceded.

"So, did you get my email? Were you able to log in to the site?"

Jane blinked, caught off-guard by the change in subject. "Yes. Everything worked fine."

As soon as she said it, she knew she'd spoken too quickly, too lightly. Maura evidently suspected she was hiding something as well, because she asked with interest, "Did you have a chance to start listening today?"

Jane shrugged, trying for nonchalant. "A little."

Maura voice took on an almost amused lilt. "Did you hear anything interesting?"

Jane pretended to be interested in the beer in her hands. "Not really," she said eventually. It wasn't really a lie. She hadn't heard anything interesting in the sense that Maura meant it.

"Oh," Maura sounded a little bit more subdued now, "Well, I hope you'll listen again next time you can."

Jane nodded, as her pride wrestled with her shame. Courage won out over repression, though, and Jane asked, "Maura? Have you ever…um." Her voice died before she could say it. A rush of heat started at her face.

Maura looked up from her cooking, and her expression was calm, patient. "You can ask me anything," she assured.

"When you've…come…have you ever come so hard you…" She said it. Kind of. So fast that it was barely more than a few consonants smashed together, but she said it.

"Have I ever what?" Maura asked, clearly not understanding.

"You know." Jane said it again, this time marginally slower. Maura blinked, and Jane said, "Like how a guy…" But she just couldn't bring herself to say "ejaculates" either.

But Maura got it. "Are you asking if I've ever experienced female ejaculation?" Jane nodded, staring at the countertop. "No, I have not."

Jane slumped, feeling some relief. "Can you know for sure if you ever will?"

Maura studied her, looking a bit troubled, "There isn't a lot of data about the phenomenon. It can be hard to fund research about female sexuality. Research suggests its source is a gland quite similar to the prostate in men, and it is postulated that functionality may vary between women. Conventional wisdom suggests, however, that some women are far more prone to experiencing it than others. There are classes that purport to be able to teach one to climax in such a way, but evidence of its success is merely anecdotal."

"Which means?" Jane prompted.

"Which means," Maura said, sounding regretful, "That I can't promise I'll ever be able to learn to do this for you. But I'm happy to try."

"What?" Jane straightened, "No! No, no, Maura, that's not what I'm asking. I just…." She sighed, "I just didn't realize it was something I might have to worry about. I don't want it to…surprise me someday."

"Have you ever experienced it?" Maura asked.

"No. I wasn't even sure it was real until today."

"Well, I think the chances that we will be surprised by female ejaculation is fairly unlikely, given that we have both been having orgasms for…well, decades now, I would presume."

Jane shrugged to concede the point. "I guess you're right."

Maura added scallops to her pan, though her gaze stayed mainly on Jane. "What scares you about it?"

Jane scoffed, "Well, I think anybody would be alarmed by a surprise face-full of come! The woman on the podcast almost _drowned_ , there was like a _gallon_." She widened her eyes to emphasize her point.

"I highly doubt—" Maura started, but then tried to hide a smirk. "Drowned? So you're worried about this happening…in your mouth?"

Realizing she'd revealed her hand a little, Jane focused on her beer bottle again. "Okay, it's not the _only_ reason I'm nervous to…do that. But worrying about drowning on top of everything else doesn't help."

"I can say with a fairly high degree of certainty that it will not happen."

"'Fairly high?' Oh, that's a comfort." Jane lifted her gaze to scowl briefly.

"I'm just glad to hear you're considering cunnilingus," Maura said. Jane could never understand how she could sound so conversational about sex, and winced a little. "I also want you to take all the time you need to feel more comfortable about it. And I will be happy to perform it on you as much as you like, with no expectation of reciprocity."

Jane smiled slightly despite herself. "Thank you," she replied, somewhat sheepish.

And as Maura served dinner, which was about ten times more delicious than Jane anticipated, Jane resolved that she could absolutely push through her fear for a woman this spectacular.


	3. We should be giving of equal time and

**_We should be giving of equal time and equal pleasure_**

For the next week or so, work picked up for both of them, but even in her limited spare time, Jane seemed more distant. Maura was pretty sure Jane was still listening to the podcast when she could, though, based on the times she encountered Jane with her earbuds in and how she quickly shut off whatever she was listening to. But, primarily from the caseload, they didn't get a lot of time together. They would see each other at work, share a smile when they could. Jane was spending a lot more nights at her apartment, given her long hours.

Sometimes, stress manifested itself in an elevated libido for Maura, but evidence suggested it had the opposite effect on Jane. They hadn't even kissed for several days, due to lack of time alone together. Though Maura was also very busy, her work didn't typically come home with her in quite the same way Jane's did, affording her some time to herself in the evening. Which, for several days in the past week, she'd spent indulging in some stress-relieving masturbation.

Tonight seemed like it would be another one of those nights. Jane was working even later than Maura, and would most likely head to her own apartment that night to crash. So Maura went home, heated up some leftovers, had a glass of wine, and ran a bath.

Maura was fully capable of quick-and-dirty masturbation when the situation called for it, but when she had time to indulge, she would. It was practically routine by now. A bath, wine. Aromatherapeutic candles on warmers in the bedroom. Lights low. A playlist of soothing yet intellectually stimulating classical music. Much of this was part of her evening relaxation strategy on nights she spent alone, anyway, the only difference being whether a medical journal or a vibrator ended up in bed with her.

After her bath, she pulled on one of her silky robes—she liked how the sensation of it on her skin alone could make her feel sexy—and opened the drawer deep in her closet containing her sex toys, including some of the ones she shared with Jane. It was always nice to open her drawer and fondly remember pleasant experiences with her toys, but the ones she'd shared with Jane…the affection that welled up in her when she looked at and held the Fusion dildo Jane favored for strap-on use was almost laughable.

She missed Jane that night, a lot. She told herself she could easily accept that this physical and sexual distance (because no matter how hard she was working, Jane had always found ways to keep their emotional ties strong) would be something she could deal with as a "price of admission," as Dan Savage would say, to being with Jane. But after about a week and a half, she simply _craved_ Jane, her body, her touch, the feeling of security her presence evoked.

Maura reclined in her bed with her chosen vibrator of the evening. She didn't need to climax so hard she exhausted herself; she wanted a less intense experience. But that craving remained, and so she reached for her phone.

 **I hope you've made it home by now.  
How are you?**

She set her phone aside, not sure whether to even hope Jane would be able to reply. She could still be at work. She let her thoughts drift to Jane, as they so often did in these moments. To the feel of her body as they moved together, her soft skin and wild hair everywhere.

Maura's phone buzzed. She grabbed it eagerly.

 **Yeah, I'm home. I'm alright, pretty  
beat. You?**

Maura smirked a little. Maybe there was a way to draw Jane into this. Maura took a picture of herself, from the hem of her robe on her thigh down along her bare legs. She sent the picture to Jane.

 **This is my evening so far. It's about to  
get better.**

She bit her lip, holding her phone and watching the picture send, absently running her fingertips over her nipples with her other hand. She saw when Jane received the message, and saw the ellipses signaling a forthcoming reply, and writhed a bit in anticipation.

The picture that appeared was of a manila folder next to a large, greasy slice of pepperoni pizza, the bottom of a beer bottle just in the frame.

 **Here's what my evening looks like**

Maura frowned, eying the greasy pepperoni with distaste. She sighed, switched to her phone's front camera. She didn't take a lot of selfies. She could never quite get her face to look right; the practiced smiles she'd used all her life suddenly appeared insincere under her own scrutiny. But she wasn't trying to send Jane a smile. Instead, she raised her eyebrows and frowned, and angled her camera down, just enough to put her cleavage in the frame. She sent that picture to Jane with no comment.

 **What? At least I remembered to eat**

 **Wait.**

 **Oh I get it. So you're…**

Maura almost laughed, and then took a picture of her fingertips, curling just under the hem of her robe. It was probably the most risqué thing she felt safe sending.

 **Jesus. Okay. That's nice to think about.**

 **Want to help?**

 **I don't know how much help I'll be**

 **Just tell me what you'd do if we weren't  
in the middle of a case and you were  
here.**

There was no response from Jane at first, and Maura realized she'd taken the wrong tactic. Jane was in a work headspace, and it was nearly impossible to shift her out of that. Maura realized she'd have to take the lead.

 **Actually, just let me tell you what I'm  
going to do to myself.**

 **I can handle that**

Maura took a breath. This was harder than the time they were on the phone. It was easier to talk than to type. She had time to consider all her words, which complicated things, and typing them took time. But she decided to start by painting Jane a picture.

 **I'm in bed, I just got out of the bath,  
and I'm only wearing this robe.**

Maura considered, but decided neither of them had time for something very drawn out, so she added.

 **There's a vibrator next to me.**

The response was almost immediate.

 **Yeah? What kind?**

Maura grinned at the conversational reply.

 **It's small, with variable speeds,  
designed for clitoral stimulation rather  
than internal. I fully intend to use it,  
but first I'm going to open my robe,  
and touch myself with my hands.**

 **Tell me where, and how it feels**

 **Breasts first. Then I'll let my hands  
touch lower.**

Maura grasped her own breast as she typed, and then added.

 **I feel amazing.**

 **What are you thinking about?**

 **You.**

 **I hope you're touching yourself the  
way I would touch you.**

Maura writhed as she thought about Jane's hands, and the way her touch felt desperate and reverent at the same time. She thought about the way Jane's face went slack and her gaze intensified when she touched Maura's breasts, thought about how her voice sounded when she'd rasped about breast worship, the first time she'd touched them. She could never touch herself the way Jane touched her, but the thought of it seemed to set her skin aflame. A reactionary shiver followed, and Maura watched her own nipples harden beneath her hands.

 **No one else has ever touched me like  
you do. I couldn't come close. But I am  
thinking about your hands, as mine  
move lower.**

 **Tell me how you're touching yourself**

Maura lost patience when she saw the words, and her hands slid down past her hips, fingers slipping into wetness. She moaned, softly. She was rarely loud when she was by herself, but she'd lived alone long enough that she wasn't terribly conscious about being quiet, either. She lay, stroking her fingers over her clitoris, hips beginning to find a rhythm. She wanted to slide the fingers of her other hand inside herself but, she remembered, she needed to still be able to use her phone, and she wasn't sure she trusted the voice to text function.

She realized she hadn't replied, then, and snatched up her phone.

 **I'm touching my clitoris, and I'm  
already so turned on from thinking  
about you.**

 **I can't wait until this case is over so I  
can put my hands all over you.**

It wasn't going to take much more, Maura knew, and she reached for her vibrator.

 **I'm turning on my vibrator now.**

But at almost the same moment, another text from Jane came through.

 **And my mouth. Because you should  
know I've been thinking about that,  
too. A lot.**

Just reading it made Maura groan, and she dropped the phone, eyes closing in anticipation as she brought the vibrator to herself. She let those words roll through her head as her hips rolled with the new stimulation, pushing closer, until, not even a minute later, Maura was climaxing, thinking about Jane thinking about going down on her, the convoluted fantasy proving to be so unexpectedly potent.

 **That just made me climax. Thank you.**

In reply, she got a smiley face. She was a little disappointed that this was Jane's only reaction, but then the ellipses appeared.

 **I love that I can do that for you even  
from here.**

 **I miss you.**

Maura melted a little, settling into her pillows.

 **Me too. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank  
you for indulging me.**

 **Thank you for the mental break from  
all these case files. I needed it.**

 **You should sleep soon.**

If Jane remembered to eat, that was usually because she was going to forget to sleep.

 **I will. Don't worry about me.**

Maura thought that was the most foolish thing Jane had ever said to her. But she knew it was the wrong time to call her on it. So she settled with.

 **Good night.**

And Maura, at least, did have a good night. When she saw Jane the next day, Jane did look somewhat rested, which cheered Maura a bit. But she didn't really have time to ask Jane if she'd slept, because they both had work to do on the case.

It was another busy day for them both, chasing down leads and examining evidence. Maura saw Jane in a passing a few times during the day, and in the afternoon, Jane came down to the morgue to see if anything new had been discovered.

"Did you actually sleep last night?" Maura finally had a chance to ask.

Jane blinked. "Yeah, I did. Ended up passing out on my couch with a case file not long after we said good night." Her voice was scratchy, still sounding like she'd just woken up.

"You needed it," Maura said.

Jane sighed, "What I need is a break in this case. I've looked over so many case files, my eyes are going to fall out." She met Maura's eyes, stopping Maura from vocalizing her thought, "I know, I know. That's not actually physically possible."

Perhaps unintentionally, or perhaps just to taunt them, the killer had left a clue pointing to a certain year. The homicide team was looking through cold case files from the time, but had now started looking through all the year's case files when nothing relevant turned up.

Jane looked up at her, gaze strained but alert. "Can I come over tonight?" she asked, voice rough.

"Of course!" Maura replied, a bit baffled why Jane was even asking.

"I know I usually don't when I have work, but…I miss you. I'll probably just be reading through case files, though."

"That's fine." Again, it wasn't anything new to have Jane at her house working.

"I just…" Jane glanced around, her voice pitched low, "I just know you miss…doing, uh, things with me, and I didn't want you to have any…expectations."

Maura was unexpectedly hurt by what she knew Jane probably considered a courteous disclaimer. "Well, yes, but I also just miss _you_. Spending time with you, no matter what we're doing."

Jane's expression softened. "Me, too," she said, her voice warm. "Okay," she nodded, "I'll see you tonight, then, if I don't see you before today is over. Call me if you find anything."

"I will. See you tonight, Jane."

Maura left work first, and when she got home, began to prepare a stir-fry with the vegetables she had on-hand and a package of tofu. It was simple enough to throw together, and would be easy to reheat if Jane left work later than she thought she would. And, most importantly, it was probably the only serving of vegetables Jane had eaten in over a week, unless she'd ordered a supreme pizza one of those nights and had eaten at least some onions and peppers.

Fortunately, Jane arrived home as Maura was still preparing the stir-fry, a box balanced on her arm as she opened the door. She sniffed the air and raised an eyebrow, "That smells amazing," she commented as she set the box on the dining room table.

"You sound surprised." Maura turned away from her cooking to get a beer for Jane. The action always made her feel a bit like Jane's 1950's housewife, and truthfully, Maura got a bit of a subversive, perverse thrill out of that. Especially when Jane's usual response was to hitch up her chin in a subdued, grateful nod.

Jane did exactly that now as she accepted the beer and took a hearty first sip. "I just know it's probably really healthy, so," she shrugged.

"It is healthy, but you'll like it. You typically enjoy my cooking."

"It's a million times better than mine." Jane settled into a seat at the island, eyes lingering fondly on Maura as she turned back to her cooking. Maura felt that gaze, even after she turned around, like warmth. Jane was still watching her as she finished up the cooking and plated the food, and Maura treasured the moment, of Jane being so relaxed, so drawn to her company that she ignored the stack of case files screaming for her attention across the room, even for a few minutes.

They ate dinner together and talked about the little non-case-related news in their lives that they hadn't had a chance to discuss at work, but by the time the meal was over, Maura could tell Jane was starting to feel a little guilty about not working.

"Go ahead," Maura lifted the most recent _New Yorker_ , "I just got this."

Jane nodded and headed for the dining room table, where she'd have plenty of room to spread out, and Maura reclined on the couch with her magazine.

They spent a relaxed night, quietly engaged in different tasks, close enough in proximity to feel comforted by one another. The sound of Jane shuffling papers and sighing was only distracting enough that it made Maura periodically look up from her reading to see Jane, still in a t-shirt and slacks, pushing her hair back from her face as she bent over piles of folders and documents. Jane didn't seem to notice she was being observed, which made the experience feel private, intimate.

Maura finished her magazine and switched to her tablet to read some of the medical journals she didn't receive in print, but not long after that, she began to get tired. It was getting a little late.

She stood up and stretched, and watched Jane's attention shift to her. "I'm going upstairs. You should join me, when you're ready to sleep. I won't mind if you wake me."

Jane smiled, her eyes showing most of her fatigue. "Okay. I will."

Maura went upstairs and finally changed out of her dress, though she didn't change into anything else, since she typically slept in the nude. Jane would probably just strip down to her undershirt and underpants, but she certainly never objected to Maura's nudity in bed since they agreed they were in a relationship. Maura snuggled down into her pillow, imagining Jane sliding into bed behind her, slipping her arm around her, hand cradling her bare breast. The way she'd inhale deeply through her nose and then sigh, pressing her body against Maura's back.

The fantasy felt so real that when Maura woke up a few hours later, she was surprised to realize Jane wasn't in bed with her. She got up and pulled on a robe, then headed downstairs quietly.

Jane was awake, still hunched over the case files on the dining room table. She looked up, alert, at Maura's soft footfalls, then visibly relaxed. "Couldn't sleep?" she asked with a fond smile.

Maura tilted her head, "I slept for a few hours."

Jane blinked and glanced at her watch, "Has it been…Oh. Wow."

Maura nodded, "Do you think you'll come to bed soon?"

Sighing, Jane leaned her head on her hand. "I don't know. I'd like to, but…I'm close to something. I can feel it." She slapped the papers she was currently looking at for emphasis, then sighed. "We have literally no other leads. We can't find anything that matches forensics. There has to be something here."

"Can I make you some tea?" Maura asked sympathetically.

Jane nodded, subdued. "Yeah. I'll come to bed soon," she conceded. She pushed her chair off to one side a bit, shifting her weight and leaning on the table with her left arm.

Maura put water on the stove and noticed that Jane was watching her, idly shuffling papers but not really looking at them. Maura noted her slumped posture, silently assessing the different ways Jane's skeletomuscular system was being strained, and moved toward her, intending to rub her shoulders.

Jane straightened as she approached, attention firmly on Maura, and before Maura could move around her, Jane's right arm encircled her waist, and drew her close. Maura was a bit surprised by the move, but adapted quickly enough, steadying herself on Jane's shoulder as she shifted course to stand next to the chair.

"Hey," Jane said, almost gruffly, as her left hand settled on Maura's thigh, just above the hem of her robe.

"Hey," Maura returned, abruptly more awake. She brushed Jane's hair back and leaned over to kiss her forehead.

Jane straightened, tilting her head up to kiss Maura. Mindful of her dry mouth and possible sleep breath, Maura kept her mouth closed, but the kiss lingered. Maura's hands settled on Jane's shoulders, and then Jane's arm was tugging, gently. To keep her balance, Maura's knee ended up on Jane's chair, between her legs, and her right arm braced herself on the table next to her. She looked questioningly at Jane, because there was no way she could comfortably fit on Jane's lap in this chair at this angle, and she wasn't sure what Jane was attempting.

As if in response, Jane's left hand slid beneath Maura's robe, fingers stroking her hipbone. Jane's breath caught when she realized Maura wasn't wearing anything beneath her robe, and she looked up, eyes seeming darker. Her fingers brushed gently between Maura's legs, still watching, waiting for a reaction. Maura felt heat spread through her body, steadily rousing it from its restful state, and she settled herself more firmly in position, half on Jane's chair. Jane bit her lip, and one finger gently parted Maura's outer labia, though she was barely touching anything. Maura let out a whimpering sigh and pushed her hips forward encouragingly, and then Jane's fingers were gently pressing against her, slowly circling over her clitoris.

"Yes," Maura whispered, the word ending in a light hiss. She pressed her knee forward, between Jane's legs, trying to give Jane something to rock against, but she couldn't do much more with Jane's arm holding her in place. She just gripped Jane's shoulder and the table, keeping her balance, as Jane's fingers gradually moved faster.

Though Maura was certainly moaning, the hour and the relatively low-key nature of the sex meant that the sounds she made were fairly subdued. Until Jane's fingers moved, and slid to press inside Maura. Caught off guard, Maura groaned loudly, her hips pressing back against Jane's hand, and she had to grip Jane's shoulders with both arms to keep her balance as her body drove her forward. She was straddling Jane's leg, arms draped around her, hips rolling involuntarily as Jane's fingers pushed fully inside, her thumb on Maura's clit.

Jane looked up at her, hand stilling, "You okay?" she asked, smirking a little.

"Yeah," Maura said breathlessly, but she couldn't articulate anything else, so she just whimpered and tried to press her knee harder against Jane.

Jane's fingers were moving, now, but it was slower, more like a massage than thrusting, and Maura's eyes rolled back when Jane's thumb mirrored the movements on her clit. She could hear that she was making louder sounds now, and she looked down at Jane, biting her lip. She wasn't embarrassed to be loud, but it seemed amplified in the quiet night.

Jane just looked triumphant, and her eyes flicked down to Maura's breasts, where her robe was starting to come undone. Jane's mouth caught the fabric and wrested it aside a bit more, and she was nipping and nuzzling at whatever she could reach on Maura's breasts as her hand continued to move.

Maura's orgasm had been building slowly, since the moment Jane started touching her, yet it also seemed to escalate quickly as her body woke back up. And as Jane peered up at her from where she was nuzzling between her cleavage, Maura broke. She gripped Jane hard, feeling her whole body tremble, as she pushed herself wantonly against Jane's hand.

When her orgasm subsided, she had slumped down, allowing Jane to steady her. Jane removed her hand gently and kissed Maura's forehead and cheeks before reaching her lips. "Couldn't resist," she spoke softly, "It was all I could think about when you came downstairs in that robe and your legs…" she trailed off, looking down between their bodies at the way Maura's robe was barely covering her.

The tea kettle whistled, reminding Maura of what she had been doing, and she marveled at how quickly everything had happened. She got up unsteadily, with Jane's hand on her elbow to help, and hurried over to turn off the stove, retying her robe as she went. Jane followed, washing her hands at the sink, and leaned against the counter drying her hands, watching Maura fill the teapot.

"Seems like a lot of work for a cup of tea," she said, lightly snarky.

"Two cups, technically," Maura responded.

The sound of a door closing caught Maura's attention, and Jane jolted, just slightly, at the sound. Her posture straightened and her eyes darted.

"Your mother is probably home," Maura said casually, by way of explanation.

The color drained from Jane's face. "Oh my God. And we didn't have a sock on the door. She could've…"

Despite Angela's tendency to be very involved in her family's lives—and Maura felt proud every time she was reminded that she was considered part of Angela's family—she'd had a conversation with Maura when she first moved in about wanting to respect her privacy, and even as they'd grown closer, she'd maintained that boundary. "It's extremely uncommon for her to come up to the house at this hour, and anyway, it's highly unlikely that she could have seen or heard anything."

"I dunno. You were pretty loud." But Jane was smirking again, and her gait was more relaxed as she hung back up the hand towel and moved back toward the dining room table. She was standing over her documents, frowning, as the tea steeped, and still hadn't sat down by the time Maura poured her a cup and brought it over. "Thanks," she grunted distractedly.

Maura sipped her tea, waiting to see if Jane was going to sit back down again. She had been considering suggesting that she perform cunnilingus on her, but perhaps the moment had passed, with everything that had happened since she climaxed. Jane proceeded to ask her a few specific questions about her forensic findings, shuffled through some folders, and then she was picking up her phone. "What are you doing?" Maura asked.

"Calling Korsak," Jane answered distractedly, navigating on her phone.

"It must be almost one in the morning."

"He'll answer. I think you just helped me break the case." She brought the phone to her ear.

"How?" Maura asked, perplexed.

"Cleared my head. I'll come to bed in a few. Hey, Korsak," her tone abruptly shifted as she focused on the call. Maura headed back upstairs, looking over her shoulder at Jane pacing animatedly and flipping through files as she told Korsak what she'd found. She always felt a surge of pride when she got to see Jane work through a case.

Jane did, indeed, come to bed a few minutes later, and Maura's initial fantasy of the evening came true. They both slept better than they had in a week.

However, it was sleep defined by quality rather than quantity, because Jane woke up fairly early, especially for her. She used the bathroom, but instead of getting back in bed like Maura hoped, she began pulling back on her clothes. She kissed Maura's forehead and murmured, "I have to go home and get ready to go in so we can finish this case. I'll see you there."

Maura frowned at the clock, but didn't argue. "See you at work," she agreed tiredly, and Jane hurried out. But the half-empty bed, devoid of Jane's warmth and the sound of her breaths, wasn't as appealing, and Maura found herself getting up, too, and heading into work early.

They wrapped the case that day, and that evening, Jane came over again. Maura couldn't help but think about the fact that she hadn't gotten Jane off the previous night, and also that, according to their sexts two nights before, Jane had been thinking about cunnilingus. Maura wasn't about to push the latter, but she was eager to help Jane relieve some stress after working that case so hard.

Jane had basically followed her home, and was quick enough to retrieve her own beer as she removed her badge and gun while Maura was still looking through her mail. Maura opened a bottle of wine and looked in her fridge, trying to plan dinner. "What are you in the mood for tonight?" she asked, allowing her tone to be mildly suggestive.

Jane shrugged and slumped into a seat at the island. "Pizza. Grilled cheese. Ice cream," she said, a bit sullenly.

Maura eyed her, concerned by her low mood. "I can do grilled cheese," she said gently, and Jane smiled a little. Food seemed to revive Jane somewhat, and she didn't even complain about the tomatoes and basil on her sandwich. Maura waited until Jane had finished half of her plate before attempting conversation. "What would you like to do tonight?" she asked.

"I dunno. I figured we could relax and watch something," Jane suggested.

Maura nodded. She was still trying to puzzle out why Jane seemed moody. "Well, if you want me to help you relax, I would be happy to. After all, you helped me these past few nights."

Jane grinned, "You helped me crack the case last night with your irresistibility. You don't owe me anything."

"It's not about owing," Maura replied, "I'm offering because I want to, if you want me to."

Jane stared back at her plate and was quiet for a few moments as she ate. Finally, she said, "I don't want you to be disappointed, but…I can't."

Maura blinked. She was a little disappointed, but mostly, she was curious. "Can't" wasn't a word that Jane used lightly. "I accept your decision," she said.

"It's not really my decision," Jane sounded frustrated, and she sighed. "Fine. I…" she lowered her voice, still speaking to her plate. "I got my…female visitor today."

"You're menstruating?" Maura asked. Jane seemed to shrink in embarrassment at the words, which was endearing, if a little odd. They'd been pretty candid about these sorts of things for most of their friendship, though Jane did tend to describe her condition using euphemisms. Still, Maura wasn't put off. "Well, orgasm is supposed to be very good for menstrual symptoms. I would be happy to—"

"Whatever you're about to say…no," Jane said firmly. "It's day one. I'm a crampy, bloated mess, and I don't want anyone to come near me."

Though Maura was still pretty unfazed by Jane's assessment of her condition, she understood just plain being too uncomfortable for anything sexual. "I have a heating pad, if you'd like that," she offered instead.

Jane half-smiled. "That would be great, actually." She shook her head, "I just didn't want you to be too disappointed. I know we talked about…things after the case was over."

Maura collected their dishes, "Well, nothing's stopping us from talking now. If you're up for that," she amended, considering the possibility that Jane's libido was currently so low that even talking about sex would repulse her. Though, perhaps her embarrassment and frustration about her condition suggested the opposite. Maura also considered the possibility that Jane _was_ feeling aroused, but felt uncomfortable with its juxtaposition with her menstruation. There had to be a reason Jane was suddenly ashamed to talk about it, beyond, of course, the obvious fact that it always was a little awkward to tell someone you were sleeping with that you were experiencing menses.

"We can talk," Jane said, though her tone was a bit listless.

"Have you been listening to the podcast?" She put the dishes in the sink, and gestured for Jane to follow her to the couch.

"Some. When I needed a distraction." Jane followed, and Maura invited her to sit, then draped the couch blanket over her.

"I'll be right back," she said, and hurried to the hall closet to find her heating pad. "Have you heard anything that interests you?" she called as she headed back into the front room.

"Watersports sounded fun until I looked it up," Jane said when Maura got close, sounding uncomfortable.

Maura plugged in the heating pad and handed it to Jane, though she was smiling. "Oh, that really isn't so bad."

"Oh, my God. Ew, Maura. Don't tell me you've…"

"Jane, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't kink-shame me, especially considering it isn't my kink," Maura interrupted firmly. Jane's mouth closed and her eyes went wide, and she stared at Maura, equal parts shocked and proud and hurt. "It's something I did for a partner once, and it turned them on so much, we had amazing sex in the shower afterwards. Besides, fresh urine from a healthy individual is nearly sterile. It's a safe, harmless kink."

"I…really didn't need to know all that," Jane said quietly.

"I'm not ashamed of any of it," Maura said, still feeling a little defensive.

"I'm not saying it because I think any less of you, I just…it can be hard to hear about stuff with your exes sometimes. It always has been."

Maura began moving toward the kitchen. "I see. Not being a very jealous person myself, I don't—"

"Oh, please, Maura. I love you, but you're such a dumb genius sometimes. You were absolutely jealous of Casey," Jane said, but her tone wasn't accusatory. It was amused.

Maura stopped, thrown initially by Jane's tone, then she fully processed Jane's words and turned around. "Do you realize what you just said?"

"What? That? I've said it before," Jane frowned.

"No, you haven't," Maura informed her, still a bit stunned, as she began moving back toward Jane, her business in the kitchen now forgotten.

"Nah, I did. Like we when made up after the stuff with Tommy."

"No. I said that. You said you hated hating me."

"Same thing. I know I've said it, though…" Jane trailed off thoughtfully, but Maura understood. She may have never actually spoken the words, but she'd said it a million different ways. It wasn't a revelation that Jane loved her, but confirmation of her belief was satisfying.

Maura chuckled once, shaking her head, and the rest of what Jane said resurfaced. And, she realized, Jane was absolutely right. It was frightening to not even be able to recognize and interpret her own emotions. "Jane?" Jane blinked and refocused on her. "You're right. I was jealous of Casey."

"Hey," Jane said, her voice velvety-soft, and she tugged Maura's hand gently, pulling her down to sit next to her, "This is why I try not to think about the past. I'm too happy here with you to look back."

Maura smiled, but she had to be honest, "I don't consider acknowledging past experiences as living in the past. I'm merely accepting that these people are part of my history, and shaped me to be who I am."

"Okay, and I'm grateful to them for it, but I don't see what good it does to make you think about my engagement to Casey, or to make me think about how Ian is the love of your life," she spat the words.

Maura blinked, feeling foolish that she once believed that, and surprised that Jane remembered it, but she shook her head. "You weren't an option," she said, and she was frustrated as she heard her voice break. She wished fervently that she could consciously control her lacrimal glands.

Jane reached for her immediately. "I'm sorry," she said quickly, and Maura melted into her embrace. Jane was the only person she'd ever let touch her when she was upset. She wondered if Jane knew that.

"Don't be sorry," Maura said, "I love you, too."

"I know _that_ ," Jane scoffed, but it just made Maura smile.

Maura pulled away, feeling better already. "Want some ice cream?"

"Hell yes. Ice cream and beer is the best combination."

"You think beer pairs well with everything," Maura teased over her shoulder.

"I…nope. I can't refute that. You're not wrong."

"Did you know it also pairs well with a golden shower? Or so I hear."

"Maura!" Jane sounded scandalized, "Yeah, please keep yelling it throughout the house, I'd love for my mother to overhear us talking about _that_." But then she was laughing.

Maura brought over the ice cream, "Your mother is not even home."

"Still," Jane said, accepting her spoon.

Maura opened Netflix, thinking for a moment as she did about Jane's mother. She and Jane had more or less decided without specifically discussing it that they were keeping their sexual relationship between them, because the sex was just about the only thing that had changed in their relationship, and that was private. But was it? Maura felt that if they were actively hiding it, that the people in their lives perhaps had the right to know, but at the same time, this wasn't something she wanted to push Jane into.

They had been sharing the pint of Ben & Jerry's and scrolling through Netflix together for about a minute when Jane said, "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything," Maura reminded her.

"That motel room. That was totally the first time we had sex, wasn't it?"

"It is if it feels like it to you. You are allowed to validate your own experiences." Truthfully, to Maura, the muscle worship scene felt like the first time, but she knew her definition of sex might be broader than Jane's.

"It was. I thought of it as helping me masturbate, but it was."

"Does it bother you?" Maura asked, concerned now. She hadn't felt like she was pushing Jane's boundaries at the time, but had she coerced?

"Not at all," Jane said without hesitation, "But I guess all this is making me realize. I really don't know that much about sex. Or myself, really."

"I'll help you any way I can," Maura said.

"You are," Jane smiled, "You do."


	4. We should strive to be good in bed

_**We should strive to be good in bed**_

Jane's period had never exactly been a high note in her life, and she assumed that was true for most other women as well. She may no longer believe that it was a curse from God, but it sure felt like a curse from nature sometimes. And, particularly in her early thirties, she felt like it was an hourglass, slowly draining away her fertility, echoing the voice in her ears of a nagging mother, desperate for grandchildren, and clashing with the doubts in her head that marriage and motherhood would ever be possible for her.

But it'd had one good point: it was a get-out-of-sex-free card, though Jane had almost never used it disingenuously. Mostly, if it happened and she had to tell the guy she was with, she felt awkward, but relieved. Then they might watch a baseball game on TV or something instead, which honestly, was almost as good as sex. With men, anyway.

And that was exactly the issue. This was the first time it had happened when she'd _wanted_ sex. Her last period had fortuitously happened between scenes with Maura, and hadn't been an issue, but this one had terrible timing.

So Jane spent the next several days of her period trying to enjoy a day off with Maura, in which she still felt too gross to be up for much of anything, and then going back to work on a new case. And, when she had free time she wasn't spending with Maura, she was listening to the podcast. Because at least she could hear about sex, even if she couldn't have it. And even if most of what she heard was not appealing to her at all.

But she was trying to learn about herself and about sex. She wasn't sure how she'd successfully pleased Maura sexually so far. It must've been blind luck. She didn't have a lot of experience or skills, so all she could really rely on was knowledge. Maura would appreciate this approach, she thought, but it made her nervous.

She also wondered, as she listened, how much of this Maura had tried. It didn't really bother her that Maura was sexually experienced—most of the time she liked that Maura knew what she wanted and enjoyed—but it was a bit like Jane's sense of loss when she thought about college. Jane's own sexual history made her feel like she'd missed out, and sometimes, she was embarrassed to be a woman who was almost forty and was only just now figuring out what she liked and who she was sexually.

But Jane kept listening, even when Dan said things that Jane just couldn't get. She was uncomfortable with how little value he placed on monogamy, for one thing, and tended to just tune those discussions out. Some of the more extreme kinks she heard about put knots in her stomach. But mostly, she was entertained, and in a lot of ways, it was helpful. Even if nothing else had really changed for her yet, his repeated insistence that oral sex should be standard practice between couples was sinking in, and slowly evaporating Jane's fears about performing it.

The other thing he made her think about was…well, coming out. It was the best term to use, even though Jane didn't have any idea what she was coming out _as_.

Dan was talking about bisexual invisibility in one episode, and the importance of being honest about who you were. He had a layer cake analogy that made some sense to Jane; a person's sexual identity had three layers: who they were doing, who they said they were doing, and who they wanted to be doing. The more those layers aligned, Dan said, the more well-adjusted a person was.

Jane felt no resonance with the word bisexual, but she understood one thing: right now, she was omitting details about herself and letting all the people in her life believe she was exclusively interested in sex with men, when in reality, she was pretty sure she didn't want to have sex with men ever again. Mostly because she hoped she'd only have sex with Maura for the rest of her life, but also, it was hard to imagine good sex with men when she'd really never experienced it. But Jane was only just now figuring out what flavor her layer cake was, and the only anomaly was that top layer, the one everyone saw, and assumed was heterosexual.

It was confusing, because even Maura had said that nothing had changed between them except the sex, and Jane felt like what they did in bed was no one's business. But Maura had also said something about admitting they were each other's primary partners. Even that didn't really feel new—they had discussed raising a child together, for Christ's sake. Did the fact that they were having sex really make their bond people's business?

It was hard for Jane to wrap her head around, but she was beginning to feel like hiding Maura was unfair. She just wasn't yet sure what to do about it, or who it meant she was. But she'd literally only called Maura her girlfriend once, and that felt wrong. And yet, girlfriend felt like a weak term for who Maura was to her. Nothing quite felt right.

Jane's workweek was not nearly as stressful as the previous one. The case that cut her weekend short only took a few days to solve, and didn't weigh on her the way the last one had because they almost always had a lead to follow. As long as a case felt warm, Jane was in her element, and could relax a little. She spent her evenings with Maura, and most nights, that week. Maura did not initiate sex, and, though Jane was thinking about it, neither did she.

When Jane's period ended, she told Maura over breakfast, already excited about the possibility of sex. The twitch of Maura's lip revealed her own eagerness, and Maura asked what she was in the mood for. "Anything," had been Jane's answer, and Maura's resulting full smirk made Jane's heart speed up.

That day at work, Jane felt like a teenage boy, because she could barely get through her shift—which consisted of mostly desk work—without constantly fantasizing about sex with Maura. There was a time when Jane would've called a person who basically spent their whole workday wet a nymphomaniac. But if she was one, at least she wasn't alone. Seeing Maura that day, looking as stylish and put-together as she always did, but knowing, from her smoldering glances and lingering eye contact, that Maura was as eager as she was made Jane feel a little less crazy. That is, until she thought about how it hadn't even been two weeks since she'd had an orgasm. A month or two ago, Jane would've laughed at herself for being so wanton after what was not even a dry spell.

Maura left work first, though Jane wasn't far behind. She let herself into the house, and looked around. "Maura?" she called, but Maura didn't seem to be in the front room. Instinct told Jane that Maura was probably upstairs, and she began to ascend the stairs, listening as she went.

She gently pushed open the door to Maura's bedroom, "Maura?" she asked again, softer this time.

"I'm here," came the voice from behind Maura's closet door.

"What're you doing in the closet?" Jane asked, amused, moving toward it.

"Changing," Maura said, "I left something for you on the bed."

Jane stopped before she reached the closet, and then turned to look. She saw the Fusion dildo and the Spareparts harness laying on Maura's bedspread, and she grinned slowly. "Well, you sure know what you want," she laughed.

"If you have another idea, I'm open to suggestions," Maura's head poked out from her closet door, and Jane grinned at her, approaching. She could see the hint of bare shoulder in the opening of the closet door, but otherwise, couldn't discern Maura's state of dress. She kissed Maura while holding both accessories in her hand.

"Nah, this is good," Jane said, her voice huskier than she expected. She gave Maura one more quick kiss and then said, "I'm gonna go put it on."

Maura hummed appreciatively in response, and Jane headed into the bathroom. She stripped and did a cursory assessment of her hygiene, debating whether to brush her teeth or just swish some mouthwash. She assembled the strap-on and pulled it on, settling the base into position against her clit.

When she stepped back into the bedroom, Maura was on the bed, wearing some kind of lacy black and red bra and panties that Jane didn't recognize. The bra made her breasts look even more amazing than usual. She sat half-casually, legs crossed, leaning slightly away from Jane. She grinned almost mischievously as Jane approached, looking very pleased with herself. Jane let her hands settle on Maura's thighs as she leaned to kiss her. Maura rose to meet her, parting her legs to bring Jane closer.

They pushed close, quick kisses gradually becoming longer, more intense. Jane had to stand at an angle to give her strap-on somewhere to go, and it was partly that awkwardness that had her retreating slightly, moving her mouth away and kissing Maura's jaw and down her neck, sliding her hands up Maura's thighs, almost to her hips. She let her lips linger over Maura's collarbone for a moment, eliciting a shiver from the other woman, and then her lips were trailing over the swell of a breast and her face was nestled in Maura's cleavage. She inhaled deeply, but it was less about the smell of Maura's skin and more about feeling like she was taking in her essence. There was something profoundly erotic to Jane about the sensation of being embraced by Maura's breasts, and she sighed, a euphoric sound.

Maura pressed her arms in, giving her breasts even more lift, and Jane nuzzled in response. She pulled back enough to give Maura an almost sheepish look, then kissed each breast before reaching around behind Maura to unhook her bra.

Jane caught Maura's look of surprise as she began to trail the bra straps down her arms, and she watched as Jane dropped it on the floor, but then her expression changed, as Jane's hands found her breasts. Jane's thumbs gently traced over Maura's nipples, eliciting a happy hum. She pressed her face into Maura's cleavage again, then trailed her mouth left to replace her thumb with her lips. Maura arched into her, and Jane moved her hand to Maura's lower back, a gesture both steadying and possessive, as her lips caressed Maura's nipple.

She didn't quite realize she was pushing Maura back until her strap-on bumped into the bed. But Maura was already starting to scoot back, giving Jane room to climb onto the bed with her. Jane followed eagerly, waited for Maura to settle on her elbows close to her pillows, and then picked up right where she left off, kissing and touching Maura's breasts, her face and hands all over them.

Jane felt like she usually paid Maura's breasts a fair amount of attention, but she was spending even more time on them tonight. In part it was because she missed them, but it was also because she was steeling herself to try something new. Maura had asked her to initiate, and she had, the other night when she'd grabbed Maura at the dining room table. And she had felt so powerful, so validated, to have Maura react so enthusiastically at her advance, she wanted to try it again. She wanted to do something else Maura wanted her to do.

She began to trail her kisses lower, the first signal of her intentions. Maura lifted her head to watch as Jane began to kiss the soft skin of Maura's abs. She ran her hands along the smooth curve of Maura's waist to her hips, fingers playing with the waistband of her panties, as she moved lower. She kissed Maura's hipbone, and Maura's back arched as she gasped.

It was enough to intrigue Jane. She let her lips linger there, just above Maura's panties, watching Maura squirm. She traced the line of Maura's hip with her tongue, and Maura panted out little moans as her hips bucked and her hand found Jane's hair. "You like this?" Jane asked, a little surprised, and she tugged the panties away just enough to close her lips around the thin skin just beneath them, sucking lightly as Maura cried out, body writhing.

"It's— _fuck—_ " Maura whimpered, "It feels amazing but it almost tickles."

Jane trailed her lips up back up. "I kind of like making you squirm like that," she murmured.

Maura shot her a heated look, but didn't respond as Jane's tongue swiped once more over sensitive skin. She lifted her head again as Jane began to pull at her panties in earnest, and then angled her hips to help. Jane moved down the bed to take them down Maura's calves, then tossed them aside, and Maura's legs settled on either side of where she knelt. Her hands spread over Maura's thighs, and she stroked them, mostly because she was nervous. Maura was watching her, eyes wide, and partly so that she didn't have to meet her eyes, Jane leaned down to kiss just above Maura's knee and slowly up her thigh.

She heard Maura stifle a whimper, felt the muscles in her legs tighten, but her legs didn't move, didn't part. Jane nudged Maura's thigh with her chin, and Maura relaxed enough to allow Jane to kiss her inner thighs. Jane didn't look up, but she knew Maura was still watching her, and she boldly moved higher, until Maura's legs were falling open and she was latching her lips right where Maura's inner thigh met her hips, literal inches from… _Maura_.

Maura flopped back onto her pillows, back arching, and a whimpering groan stuttered out from her trembling lips. Secretly relieved that Maura was no longer watching, Jane lifted her mouth and pressed her lips directly between Maura's legs. It felt bizarrely chaste in the moment, until Jane parted her lips and allowed just the tip of her tongue out in a first tentative exploration.

Everything felt warm and wet, heady and sensual, and so completely different from when Jane touched it with her hands. She moved her tongue, mostly trying to get her bearings, eyes opening reflexively as if they could help orient her. It did allow her to notice when Maura's chin tilted, and she stared down at Jane with her eyes wide, mouth hanging open, before the image apparently became too much, and her head was falling back again. It made Jane grin for a moment, proud, and she settled her knees more fully under herself, strap-on pressed between her stomach and thighs, closed her eyes, and began moving her tongue again.

She got her bearings a few moments later, as her tongue pressed just barely into Maura's entrance. This was an exciting discovery, and Jane eagerly pressed her tongue inside again. She heard Maura make a small sound and repeated the action a few times, but quickly grew bored. Thrusting her tongue like that was surprisingly tiring, and besides, she thought, her fingers were much better at it.

So she trailed her mouth up, searching with the tip of her tongue for Maura's clit. She pressed all around, certain she wouldn't find it, wouldn't even know if she did, when abruptly, there it was, under her lips. She pressed more broadly with her tongue, swiping back and forth, feeling the way it moved with her. Maura was moaning more steadily now, with little affirmative words thrown in. Jane remembered that Maura usually traced circles over her clit when she was alone, and changed the movement of her tongue, but it was hard, she realized, to keep that pattern directly on Maura's clit. Maura's hand came down to rest on Jane's head, and Jane couldn't discern if it was meant to be encouraging or not, so she slowed her movements, sought out Maura's clit, and, on whim, sucked gently. Maura's hips lurched, her fingers tightened in Jane's hair, but the sound she made was the biggest indication of Jane's effectiveness.

Jane had thought, at the time, that this might be a nice way to get Maura turned on. She'd thought of it as foreplay. But now that it was happening, she didn't want to stop. She wanted to get it right. She tucked her arms around Maura's thighs, bracing Maura's wild hips with a firm grip, and began to swirl her tongue around Maura's clit. She felt her face press closer, neck stretching, chin angling forward, now fully invested in the experience. She barely noticed as her legs started to tingle uncomfortably, because she was beginning to feel Maura's hips pressing up against her hands like waves, rhythmic and powerful, because Maura's moans were getting louder and higher, because the grip on her hair was tightening. Jane squeezed her eyes shut harder and kept moving her tongue, kept holding Maura's hips.

When Maura came, Jane struggled to hold her bucking hips in place, struggled to keep her mouth engaged, as Maura thrust up against her face repeatedly. She found Maura's rhythm after a moment and moved with her. Maura's hand tightened hard enough in her hair that it anchored her in place as Maura ground up against her mouth until she sank back, panting and gasping for air. Jane lifted her head, breathless herself. The taste registered as an afterthought, obviously present all along, but unimportant, and Jane considered it now as she realized how wet her face was. She lifted both palms, awkwardly wiping at her lips and chin, and then pressed her hands against the sheets.

Maura laughed a little, and Jane looked up guiltily, but Maura wasn't looking at her. She was still on her back, facing the ceiling, boneless after her orgasm. Jane crawled on top of her and leaned down, pressing just their lips together. Maura smiled up at her with hazy eyes. "That was… _very effective_."

"I could tell," Jane laughed, settling next to Maura on the bed. "I was planning to stop at one point, but…that didn't happen."

"I'm glad you didn't," Maura sighed, and stretched leisurely. "I'm also glad I didn't wear my heels."

"Heels…you were going to wear _shoes_ to bed?" Jane asked, heavily sarcastic.

Maura smiled wryly at her, "It's not like we were going to bed to relax. But considering how quickly my lingerie vanished, I'm guessing it's not really your thing."

"That was lingerie?" Jane frowned, "I mean, it was nice. And like, I'm sure you'd look _great_ in underwear and heels. But I think they'd just be in the way. And besides, you don't really need much help to look sexy as hell." She leaned over to kiss Maura, who was grinning in that goofy way she did when they were together and she was completely relaxed.

Maura's hand found the back of Jane's neck and the kiss intensified, abruptly, as Maura gently captured Jane's lower lip between her own, nipping gently with her teeth. Jane gasped and abruptly remembered her own body, which still felt warm and hazy with the success of going down on Maura. That feeling was more than pride, though, she realized. She was aroused.

Maura pulled away just enough to look at Jane, gauging her expression, and then she was sitting up, one hand pressing Jane's shoulder, and Jane followed the implicit instruction to allow Maura to flip them. She was on her back in a moment, Maura hovering over her, kissing her hungrily while her hands found Jane's breasts.

They kissed until Jane's hands, which were running down Maura's back, began lightly scratching, and Maura pulled away enough to moan and bite her lip, staring down at Jane.

"You, uh, want to get on this?" Jane asked, moving her hips to remind Maura of their initial plan for the evening.

Maura's smile relaxed, "I think I might be a little too sensitive for that, still," she replied regretfully.

"Ok. We don't have to use it," Jane was reaching down to start pulling the strap-on off. She wanted Maura to touch her, and soon.

Maura's hand stopped her. "Wait," she said, "I have an idea." She placed a soothing hand on Jane's sternum, stilling her. Jane relaxed, reaching up to touch Maura's cheek, then slid her hand into Maura's hair and brought her down for a kiss. Maura's mouth almost immediately began trailing down Jane's neck, her lips mapping Jane's skin, but with much less patience than Jane had displayed earlier. There was a desperate hunger to the way Maura pressed breathless, open-mouthed kisses against Jane's nipples, but she'd barely swirled her tongue around each before her kisses were already traveling lower, and she was moaning over Jane's abs. Jane watched helplessly, both utterly enthralled by Maura's actions, and fervently aware of the strap-on she was still wearing, which placed a very real barrier between Maura and everything Jane longed for her to touch.

Jane stayed in that desperate, conflicted headspace, completely ignorant of Maura's intentions until the moment Maura's mouth kissed past the waistband of the harness and her lips began travel up the length of the strap-on. She opened her eyes, clearly expecting a reaction from Jane, who stared down at her in disbelief. "I, uh," she tried to think of how to word this delicately, "I'm not so sure that's going to do mu—" her words stopped the moment Maura's lips engulfed the tip, and Jane felt a corresponding nudge against her clit. Maura moved slowly, taking a bit of the length into her mouth and then gradually dragging her lips back up. She met Jane's eyes as she swirled her tongue for a moment, and Jane realized her mouth was still open, but she hadn't spoken for at least five seconds. "Oh my God," she said roughly.

Maura grinned and moved her mouth down again. Jane fell back, but immediately lifted her head back up, because she needed to watch. She needed to see the slow motions of Maura's head, the way her lips wrapped around the toy. Already, Jane's clit was pounding, and she had to resist the urge to press her hips up. Instead, she watched Maura and whimpered as a steady friction began to build against her clit.

It didn't take long, with everything in play from Jane's near-constant arousal all day to the way Maura was creating just the right rhythm. The orgasm was built of pieces. It was the pride Jane felt at making Maura come. It was that intoxicating experience of being embraced by Maura's breasts, and between Maura's legs. It was the image of Maura's lips, looking so soft and full as they moved now. It was the way a few of Maura's fingers and her thumb gently held the base, working with her mouth's rhythm to provide most of the steady motion against Jane's clit. It was the way Maura looked at her as her mouth caressed, and then Jane's eyes slammed closed and her hips rolled up gently, and for all the world she felt like she was coming in Maura's mouth.

Her eyes stayed closed as she felt Maura kiss her way rapidly back up Jane's body, and then curl against her, tucking her head under Jane's chin. Jane tangled her fingers in Maura's hair and turned the top of her body to wrap her other arm around her.

"I never," Jane started softly, then cleared her throat. "I never would've even thought to ask for that."

Maura nuzzled into her neck, "Then I'm glad I was brave enough to do it."

Jane smiled and kissed Maura's hair. "I don't know if I'd do _anything_ for you. Sexually, I mean. But you make me feel like I could try most things, as long as it's with you."

Maura chuckled, "Have you learned about being GGG yet, while listening to the podcast?"

"I dunno. Maybe a little."

"Good, Giving and Game," Maura recited, almost reverently. "We should all strive to be GGG for our partners. Good in bed. Giving of equal time and pleasure. Game for anything—within reason." She stroked Jane's side and kissed her collarbone. "You're definitely all three." Jane laughed a little self-consciously and held Maura closer for a moment, then pulled away enough to look down at Maura. Maura raised her face, finally meeting Jane's eyes. "And you make me want to do everything with you."

Jane kissed her, feeling warm everywhere.


	5. And game for anything--within reason

_**And game for anything—within reason**_

As Maura anticipated, the next few times they had sex, Jane just wanted to bury her face between Maura's legs. As Maura had been craving it for so long, she was quite happy about it, and besides, she found it endearing that Jane wanted to make sure she was good at it. Or, knowing Jane, she was striving to be not just good, but the best at it—a title that Maura would have probably granted her just for being Jane, but given that she was a fast learner, Maura was pretty sure she'd earned it on her own.

She'd always suspected there was so much raw sexual potential in Jane Rizzoli, and she was thrilled to be correct in her hypothesis.

Still, most of their exploration and progress occurred because of Maura, and on the surface, Maura was okay with that. When things began, she'd expected that she would take the lead on the sexual front, given her greater level of experience and general comfort. She'd expected Jane to be a little awkward, which was still true, but certainly didn't prevent their sex from being explosive and deeply satisfying.

The only thing that she kind of wished was different was that she'd hoped that, by now, Jane would have come to her with another fantasy. Maura liked making Jane's fantasies come true, but having to guess at them was nerve-wracking at times. She had been inexplicably afraid that Jane would judge her, after she'd initiated the fellatio on the strap-on. Jane's reactions were frequently knee-jerk, instinctual. Intestinal, even, which in some ways was an asset to her in her line of work. Maura didn't want that to change about her. She just wanted a bit more guidance from Jane about what might be welcome.

There was, of course, Maura's trump card: sex at Fenway. She already had begun setting up that particular scenario, but she would have to wait the better part of a year to bring it to fruition. In the meantime, she would let Jane keep listening to the podcast, and let her come to Maura with ideas.

Which was why Maura was so disappointed when Jane told her she wanted to try sounding.

They were in Maura's office one afternoon, neither working particularly hard on anything at the moment. Jane had come down to visit, and, as Jane mentioned she had listened to the podcast when she went to the gym that morning, Maura asked her if she'd discovered anything new she wanted to try.

"Yeah. Sounding," Jane had answered.

Maura looked up at her, surprised, and pondered her tone. It had been a little dry, most likely sarcastic. Or was it just Jane's particular brand of stoicism? "Really?" she asked. She was pretty sure it was a joke, but she knew she had to be delicate, just in case Jane was actually serious.

Jane met her gaze, looking uncomfortable. "What?"

Maura shook her head, "I'm just surprised you'd be curious about that is all."

Jane folded her arms defensively, "Well, I am. What, you think I'm boring?"

"Never boring," Maura said pensively, because Jane certainly wasn't. But she was squeamish about things she was unfamiliar with. She was now certain that Jane was trying to trick her somehow. So she shrugged, and stood up from her desk, then moved over to a cabinet. "Okay," Maura said decisively, "Let's do it."

"What?" Jane asked, the first note of alarm in her voice, "What, like, _here_? Now?"

"I'm certain I have something akin to a sounding rod here. And I am glad that you've decided to include me on this sexual exploration. As a medical professional, I can assure you that I will be much more likely than the average person to successfully insert a metal rod into your urethra without causing damage." She was sure she saw Jane flinch out of the corner of her eye. But she straightened her posture immediately afterwards. Maura tried not to smile. She pulled out a thin, rod-shaped medical instrument, still sealed in plastic packaging, and held it up to show Jane. Jane stared, then nodded, grimacing awkwardly. Maura got out a fresh pair of gloves and pulled one on with an audible snap, then she turned back to Jane, holding the instrument once again.

"Okay, I can't do this," Jane said quickly. She sprung over the back of the couch and hunched there, as if she needed a boundary between herself and the instrument Maura held.

"We can wait until we get home if you prefer. I want you to be relaxed."

"No," Jane said through gritted teeth, "I don't want to do this…thing…at all. Scalia! Scalia!"

Maura was surprised by Jane's use of the safeword, and immediately put down the metal instrument. But mostly, she was irritated, and she folded her arms and regarded Jane sternly. "I knew it. Why would you try to trick me?"

Jane crouched a little, shielding more of her body behind the couch. "I just wanted to see if you'd go that far," she mumbled. "I thought that as a medical professional, you'd tell me it wasn't safe."

"I see," Maura responded coolly. "And now? Are you going to make fun of me for saying yes?"

"No!" Jane looked at her, and Maura was reminded of the eyes of the canis lupus familiaris. "I'm sorry," Jane said softly.

Maura melted, just a little, but her feelings were still hurt. She tried to figure out how to articulate them and said, a little peevishly, "Sounding is not something I'm at all interested in on my own. But I would have done it to make you happy."

"I know that," Jane said dully, "I just…I'm trying to figure out where the lines are. Sounding was the _weirdest_ thing I'd ever heard of, so—"

"So you wanted to see if I'd do it."

"Yeah, but…not like you think." Jane stood up, gripping the back of the couch. She stared down at the cushions as she spoke, "You said that part of being GGG was being game for anything, within reason. I don't know what's reasonable. I don't know how game I need to be, to keep up with you."

Maura blinked. "You don't _have_ to be as game as I am to be a good lover," she explained, "You're allowed to set your own boundaries. All within reason means is to not reject something outright. To truly examine whether it's something you can do to make your partner happy without it traumatizing or repulsing you. And your limits can be different from mine."

"So…you're saying it's okay if I don't want to, like, pee on anybody or…shove metal rods in…" She trailed off with a shudder, seemingly unable to finish the thought.

"Since I wouldn't ask you to do those things, it's _fine_. You've been game to try a lot of things with me. You don't have to match me or my experiences or my comfort level. All I ask is that you be honest with me about your desires and limitations, and that you do your best to make sure those limitations are reasonable."

"Okay," Jane said softly, sounding chastised. "I'm sorry," she said again.

An apology from Jane always soothed Maura, and two apologies meant Maura had already moved on and was ready to push back. "You know, sounding aside, there are other orifices I would be interested in exploring with you."

Jane stiffened, and stared at Maura with wide eyes. "What does _that_ mean?"

"I am referring to the anus."

Jane laughed stiltedly, "That is probably the least sexy thing I've ever heard."

Maura raised her eyebrow. "I see," she answered, disappointed.

"I'm not saying no," Jane said quickly, "Just…that's the _worst_ word _ever_. But I…haven't ever really thought about it." Jane looked pensive, and asked, "Can I take some time?"

"Of course," Maura said, mostly pleased to have her desire out in the open. And after the stunt Jane had pulled with sounding, she was sure Jane would quickly see that this was no big deal.

Maura was fairly certain that Jane would never initiate conversation about anal penetration, even if she decided it was something she'd do for Maura. She had resigned herself to giving Jane a month or two out of politeness before bringing up her desire again. So it was fairly shocking when Jane asked her, that evening as they finished a bottle of wine after dinner, what and how, exactly, she was interested in exploring "uh, back…there."

Maura allowed a self-congratulatory moment that she had helped make Jane a more communicative person in the bedroom, then chose her words carefully, "Mostly, I envision using the unfortunately-named 'butt plug' during our normal sexual activity, to provide extra stimulation. But I would also be open to receiving anal penetration from you, perhaps a strap-on."

Jane's eyes were wide, "I see," she said quietly. "I, uh. The…butt…thingy stuff doesn't sound that bad." She took a slow sip of wine, most likely to avoid even accidental eye contact.

Maura tilted her head, and elected not to comment on Jane's less than enthusiastic phrasing. "I can show you what one looks like, if it would help."

Jane grunted as she took her time with her mouthful of wine. "Maybe later," she mumbled after she swallowed the sip.

Later turned out to be when they headed upstairs after finishing the bottle. Maura wasn't sure if the wine was making her aroused or sleepy, and she wasn't sure what Jane wanted yet. Though the fact that Jane hadn't started touching her in the kitchen seemed to indicate that Jane was feeling more tired than amorous.

"So, you want to show me what one looks like?" Jane asked abruptly, gesturing toward the bedside table where Maura's iPad sat.

Maura blinked at the non sequitur. "What?" she asked.

"You know," Jane said hesitantly, "The…butt…thing."

"Oh!" Maura understood, "Yes, of course." She began moving toward her closet.

"Where are you going?" Jane asked, frowning.

"To get my toys, of course."

"Wait you…you already own one?" Jane sounded surprised, and Maura realized then that Jane had been expecting to see one online.

"Oh, I have three or four," Maura replied casually.

" _Three_ or _four_?!" Jane's voice had risen in shock.

"Well, of course. We have multiple dildos and vibrators, why not these?"

"Maybe _you_ have multiples," Jane muttered. Maura remembered that Jane only ever referred to owning a single vibrator. She realized that she'd never seen it, probably because they mostly spent time at Maura's house.

" _We_ ," Maura emphasized, "have multiple strap-ons," she reminded Jane, who shrugged to concede the point. Maura considered for a moment whether to bring all the toys out, but decided not to overwhelm Jane. She picked up one. "This one is my favorite," she said, as she brought it out of her closet and placed it on the bedspread.

Jane jerked for a moment, as if wanting to keep it from touching the bed, but then stopped and stared at the small silver object for a long time. "What does it do?" she finally asked in a small voice.

Maura held it up, turning it to show Jane. "It just stays inside me," she explained. Given Jane's reaction to the word "anus," she purposely strove to avoid clinical language in her explanation. She ran her fingers over the bulbous head. "This part goes inside. See how it tapers to make insertion easier? It provides a feeling of fullness even if it doesn't really move." She traced down the stem to the circular handle. "The other end is there just to anchor the toy in place. This toy is my favorite because it's made of stainless steel. Very safe and easy to clean, but it also has a pleasant weight, which for me increases sensation." She held it out to Jane, "Do you want to feel it?"

Jane looked as though she'd rather not, but she held out her hand just the same. She looked surprised as the weight of the toy settled in her palm. She held it uncertainly, looking it over. "So, you'd want to just wear this while we do other stuff? Wouldn't it hurt if I were like…" she trailed off, moving her hips a few times to emphasize her point.

Maura chuckled. "No. It would probably feel really good, honestly."

Jane's brows knit together thoughtfully, and she passed the toy from hand to hand a few times, gauging its weight. "So, you've explored this by yourself."

It wasn't really a question, but Maura nodded anyway. "That's how I know I'd also like to explore it with you."

Jane nodded, too, then passed the toy back to Maura. "Maybe it's the wine talking, but I think I could do it with you."

Maura smiled, trying not to seem too eager. "You can certainly take more time to sober up and think on it," she offered, "I'll be happy to wait until whenever you're ready."

Jane nodded, eyes seeming a little wild. "I think I'm about ready for bed," she said then, effectively ending the conversation, and Maura found she agreed. "I'll be right back." Jane didn't typically ask about staying over anymore. It was assumed, particularly on weekends, that she would. It seemed to Maura, though Jane never voiced it, that there were times she went home simply to keep up appearances around her mother. And though she didn't stay in the guest room, she continued to keep her toiletry items in the guest bathroom, which was fine with Maura, who valued having her own bathroom. Though Maura idly wondered sometimes if Jane kept her own bathroom because of Angela, too.

Maura performed her own nightly hygiene routine and when she came back to the bedroom, Jane was already sprawled out in bed, looking comfortable, though still relatively alert. Probably because she was so lanky, Jane had a tendency to spread out, while Maura was comfortable sleeping in a more compact position. This meant that if she weren't careful, she could accidentally let Jane take up the majority of the bed. Maura crossed the room to open the window, letting in the cool night breeze. It was the perfect time of year to regulate the home's temperature with windows instead of central air. Maura wasn't fond of using central air in general, though she had increased her usage for Jane's comfort recently.

She slid into bed next to Jane, who immediately turned toward her and leaned in to kiss her. They rested their foreheads together for a moment after the kiss, calming together, and then Maura turned on her side and allowed Jane to spoon her. Jane's hand rested between her cleavage, and she sighed happily into Maura's hair as their bodies fit together for sleep.

Maura slept soundly, and only vaguely remembered waking up to shift position during the night. When she woke up in the morning, the room was warm, from the sunlight and balmy breeze coming in through the window. Maura was curled up just near the edge of the bed. She turned carefully to see Jane on her back, half her body sticking out from the blankets, shirt riding up. It wasn't really a surprise, as Jane tended to get hot when she slept anyway, but she typically wasn't this exposed.

Both sleepily drawn to Jane's body and vaguely worried that she might be sick, Maura reached a hand out to touch Jane's skin. Her palm spread gently over Jane's stomach, relaxed in sleep, but she felt it tighten immediately, and Jane's hand covered hers, moving so fast it was almost a slap.

She stayed still, knowing that Jane didn't like to be woken up by being touched, and Jane relaxed as soon as her bleary eyes focused on Maura's face. Maura took the moment to assess the temperature of Jane's skin, which felt normal. Jane's grip slackened, her thumb swiping apologetically over Maura's hand, and Maura moved her hand out from under Jane's to make soothing motions over her stomach, secretly delighting in the feel of her abdominal muscles.

It wasn't common for Maura to be interested in a lot of physical intimacy just after waking up, but something about Jane, lit by morning sunlight, was absolutely radiant, and Maura knew the nature of the movement over Jane's stomach was changing. Her fingers were dragging a little, savoring the sensation of Jane's skin and muscle, her trajectory was changing. She wasn't touching anything erotic or erogenous yet, at least not overtly, but she was moving closer.

Jane watched the motion of her hand for a moment before she shifted, turning toward Maura, slinging her arm around Maura's body to pull her more fully onto her side and sliding her leg between Maura's. The motion was deliberate and direct, and Maura gasped as Jane's firm thigh pressed between her legs. Jane's gaze met Maura's, very alert now, and she smirked and pushed her thigh against Maura again.

Maura felt her pulse racing as she found herself so suddenly pressed intimately against Jane, naked, no less. Jane was angling herself now, slightly on top of Maura, giving her leg better leverage as her hips worked, grinding against Maura, aided by the wetness already present between Maura's legs. Her hair was wild, spilling over her shoulders, her eyes bright, her lips still smirking, and Maura kissed her, as hard as she could with her mouth still closed. Her hands grabbed at Jane, at her hair, her t-shirt, needing to feel her close.

Jane was fully on top of her now, their legs entangled. Maura could feel the heat of Jane on her thigh, through Jane's underpants, and she dug her foot into the bed to give herself enough leverage to rock up against Jane, returning her thrusts. Jane lifted herself almost as soon as that began, though, and before Maura could respond, she was shifting down the bed, pushing the sheets and blankets down. She crouched low in front of Maura, grabbing her hips, coaxing Maura to move up the bed. Maura got it, then, and complied, and she'd barely settled into position when Jane's mouth was on her, and Maura fell back onto her pillows, her gasp becoming a moan. She looked down, and Jane grinned at her as her mouth worked, and then her eyes were closing, and Maura fell back again as Jane's lips and tongue began to find their rhythm. Jane's arms circled Maura's thighs, and Maura felt hands on her pelvis, steadying her.

It took Maura's body some time to process what was happening, it seemed, but then Maura's hips were lifting, moving with Jane's tongue. Maura wasn't entirely in conscious control of the sounds she was making, but she noticed she was getting louder, was throwing affirmative words in between gasps and moans of pleasure. Jane's arms seemed to tighten around her legs, and Maura responded by reaching a hand down to grip Jane's hair, both of them clinging to each other, desperate for contact and connection. There was the illusion of control, too, that Maura felt as she looked at Jane and rocked against her face, holding her hair, when really, Jane's head wasn't going anywhere anyway.

Maura felt the sensations building, low in her stomach, and was vaguely aware of her head tipping back, eyes falling shut, as she found herself unable to focus on anything except her escalating bliss. Jane, apparently recognizing something in Maura's body language or the crescendo of her sounds of pleasure, made muffled moans of her own against Maura as her mouth continued to work. Maura threw her arm back, grabbing her headboard, one heel braced against the bed as her hips rolled up against Jane's face, and then her back was bowing, and she was moaning, whole body jolting with waves of pleasure, feeling anchored only by her grip on Jane's hair and the headboard as her orgasm exploded through her mind and body. But Jane simply continued, drawing out the sensations, until it became too much, and Maura was forced to string together the words, "Okay, okay," as she patted Jane's hair. Only then did Jane's head lift, and Maura's body fully relaxed.

Jane grinned triumphantly, and spoke her first sleep-roughened words of the morning through wet lips, "Good morning."

Maura laughed, blearily noting the way Jane tried to discreetly wipe her face with the hem of her t-shirt. She twitched her fingers at Jane, who understood and began crawling back up the bed, hovering over Maura. They kissed softly a few times, and then Jane relaxed beside Maura, hand tracing the curve of her hip in light, affectionate touches. Maura finally found her voice, "That was more effective than coffee, I think." She turned her head to regard Jane, "What can I do for you?"

Jane looked pensive for a moment, but then said, "You could make me a cup of coffee?" Maura was puzzled, and it must've shown on her face, because Jane explained, "I'm not ready to be touched like that yet. Doesn't mean I didn't love doing it for you."

Maura ran a hand through Jane's hair, and Jane closed her eyes, tilting her head to prolong the contact. "I can make you coffee," Maura said softly, and Jane chuckled.

"You make it sound so sexy," she purred in response, then flopped back, stretching across the entire bed. "I need a shower," she said through a yawn.

Maura began to get out of bed, feeling Jane's eyes on her as she moved across the room, nude, to retrieve a robe. "Go shower. I'll get breakfast started."

"Thanks, babe," Jane said, so casually Maura almost wasn't sure she'd heard it, but the pet name must've caused a rush of dopamine or oxytocin or something, because Maura felt warm all over, and grinned the whole time she made her way downstairs so start their breakfast and coffee.

A few minutes into Maura's breakfast preparation—fried eggs, toast and bacon, because she felt Jane deserved to be rewarded, even if the bacon was turkey bacon—Angela entered through the courtyard door, carrying a coffee mug. "Good morning," Angela greeted, voice a little quieter than usual.

"Good morning, Angela," Maura responded, "Looks like it's beautiful out there today."

"It is. Nice and sunny, and already heating up," Angela replied, voice still a little subdued.

"There's coffee brewing, if you'd like some," Maura offering, wondering if perhaps Angela just wasn't yet fully awake.

"I was about to start some myself," Angela responded, "Your Guatemalan roast is so good. That Stop & Shop blend I have can't compare."

"You're welcome to some. Although," Maura moved to the machine, filling a mug with what had brewed so far, "I'll give this to Jane. She likes how strong it is when it first starts brewing."

Angela glanced toward the stairs, as if expecting Jane to enter, and for a few moments, they were both quiet, and Angela lingered near the coffee pot, waiting for more to brew. After a minute or so, Angela filled her mug, and began moving toward the door. "You know," she said, voice still somewhat quiet, "You should be careful about your windows being open."

Maura smiled, "You're right. Thank you, Angela." The day was heating up, and Maura realized it was warm enough that the central air was running. It was going to escape through any open windows. Maura appreciated the gentle reminder to be energy conscious.

Angela pressed her lips together awkwardly, then said, "Well, I'm going to make my breakfast. I'll see you girls for dinner, right?"

"Of course. I look forward to it."

Angela headed back to the guest house, and Maura finished making breakfast. As if on cue, a wet-haired Jane shuffled downstairs in jeans and a clean t-shirt just as Maura was plating their food. She sat at the island and picked up the waiting cup of coffee, taking a sip. "Mmm," she grunted, "Perfect temperature," she noted as she took another longer sip. Her eyes widened as the plate of food was placed in front of her, and she looked up at Maura wordlessly for a moment before she began to eat.

Maura joined her, and they ate in a silence defined by the comfort and bliss between them. As Jane was finishing up, Maura finally spoke, "Help me remember that we need to close the bedroom window in the morning."

Jane frowned, "Why?" she asked, muffled slightly by her mouthful of toast.

"Your mother reminded me. Central air has been on and runs during the day, so we need to—"

"Wait," Jane dropped her fork onto her plate, turning physically in her chair to face Maura, "What did my mother say?"

"She just reminded me that I should be careful about my windows being open. I inferred that—"

"Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no. Maura!"

Maura was completely baffled, "What is it?"

"She _heard_ us!"

"Jane, that's—"

"She. Heard. Us." Jane was standing now, breathing hard. Maura thought back to Angela's behavior that morning, to her low voice and uncertain demeanor, and she stared back at Jane, comprehension dawning, and found she had no words to refute Jane's inference.

Jane watched Maura, and nodded as Maura stared back, speechless. Then she moved to the drawer where her badge, gun and wallet were stashed, gathering them up. "Where are you going?" Maura asked, and she heard how dull her voice sounded.

"I can't. I just can't right now," Jane said, her voice steady, though her panic was nonetheless evident as she shoved her bare feet into shoes.

"We have dinner tonight," Maura said helplessly, unable to think of any other plea to get Jane to stay.

"Damn it!" Jane growled. "I'm sorry. Just…" she shook her head, pushed her hair out of her face, and strode out the front door.

Maura couldn't even find her voice to call after her, just sat, shocked and alone. Slowly she gathered up their breakfast dishes and struggled to maintain her routine as she showered and dressed. She closed the bedroom window when she was upstairs, shaking her head as she looked down at Angela's guest house through the window. They had been careless, she supposed, but it was her home, and what she and Jane did was their business. She wasn't angry with Angela, though, and she couldn't even bring herself to be properly mad at Jane, though she was disappointed.

Angela reemerged in the main house late that afternoon to help Maura prepare dinner. "Where's Jane?" she asked.

"Oh, she had to step out," Maura said, trying to keep her tone normal. She hoped that Jane was coming back, but honestly, she didn't know, and she was glad Angela didn't ask when they might expect her.

She and Angela worked well together in the kitchen, and that camaraderie kept her mind off of Jane's absence. At least until about quarter to six, when said absence was beginning to be conspicuous. "You don't think she got called in to a case, do you?" Angela asked.

"I doubt it. They'd probably have called me, too. Besides, I think she'd at least tell me."

"Yeah, but you know how she gets wrapped up in her work sometimes," Angela responded.

By five minutes to six, the table was mostly set, with some food keeping warm in the oven. Maura was trying not to pace, and Angela was calling Jane, whose phone appeared to be off. She shrugged, looking worried, as she disconnected the call and tried again.

At 6:03, they heard the front door, and Jane called, "Sorry I'm late," in a subdued tone. Maura, uncertain if she was relieved or upset, put her hands on her hips, ready to stare down Jane as she entered, but her resolve failed as she saw Jane struggle with the front door, her arms full, and she hurried to help.

Jane kept her eyes downcast, but she gave Maura a grateful nod as she closed the door for her, though she kept her hold on the objects she was carrying. She walked to the kitchen island, and set down a six-pack of Peroni, a bottle of Cabernet, and a box of cannolis.

"I brought some stuff," Jane muttered unnecessarily, and Angela peeked into the box of cannolis and grinned.

"Thank you, honey," Angela said warmly, but Jane shifted over to the fridge before Angela could hug her. She took her time putting away her beer and opening one, while Maura examined the wine. She recognized the vineyard. It was supposed to be good, but not too expensive. She smiled as she watched Jane nervously shuffle items in the fridge, while Angela took the casserole out of the oven and brought it to the table.

"Angela, would you like some wine?" Maura asked as she began to open the bottle.

"Thank you, I would," Angela responded as she checked to make sure everything was ready at the table. Jane lingered next to Maura, nervously twisting her beer bottle, as Maura poured two glasses of wine, and their eyes met briefly. Jane forced a dejected smile before dropping her gaze again, and Maura brushed a hand over Jane's, a quick, reassuring touch that made Jane's smile turn genuine for a moment.

They sat at the table, Jane taking the seat to the left of Maura, while Angela sat across from Maura. Jane served herself some casserole, then moved automatically to serve Maura, too. Then she hesitated, but offered to serve her mother as well. Angela thanked her, and Jane nodded. She still hadn't really met anyone's gaze or said much, and once everyone had food on their plate, Jane began to eat, eyes on her plate.

"So, what's new?" Angela asked after a few awkward moments of silence.

Maura glanced at Jane, who kept her gaze downcast, but Jane spoke quickly. "Not much," she muttered, taking a huge bite of salad.

Angela turned her gaze to Maura, who merely smiled politely, then refocused her attention on Jane. Maura honestly didn't know what to say, as she hadn't had a chance to talk to Jane about how they should handle this, so her attention was passively focused on Jane as well. Angela leaned forward, trying to catch Jane's eye. "There's nothing you want to tell me?"

Jane didn't answer, instead taking another, huger bite of casserole. Legitimately worried that Jane would choose to choke on her food rather than face her mother, Maura discreetly grabbed her knee under the table, squeezing, intending both a warning and encouragement. Jane glanced at her, an action that did not go unnoticed by Angela, who was looking between them with narrowed eyes and a knowing smirk.

Finally, Jane swallowed her food, sighed, and leaned back. She pushed her shoulders back, met her mother's eye, and said, "Maura and I are…um. Together."

Angela slumped back in her chair, grinning from ear to ear, "I _knew_ it!" Jane's eyes crossed and she looked at Maura, smiling a little bit. Maura returned the expression. "How long has this been going on?" Angela asked keenly.

They glanced at each other again, and Maura chuckled a little, because that question was nearly impossible for even them to answer. Finally, Jane said, "It's only been official for a month or so."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Angela asked, sounding slightly hurt.

"Because unlike you, some people value privacy," Jane said, though her tone was amused.

"Well, anybody could see you two love each other almost more than two people could," Angela countered, "It's like I told Frankie—"

Jane put down her fork, " _What_ did you tell Frankie, Ma?"

"I had to talk to _somebody_ about it! It's not like he was shocked."

Jane blew out her breath. "Great. Now everybody at work will know."

"Give your brother more credit," Angela admonished.

"I do," Jane said pointedly, "It's _you_ I'm worried about."

"I'm not going to say anything!" Angela protested, "But maybe you should consider Maura's feelings."

Jane looked at Maura questioningly, and Maura regarded Angela uncertainly. "What do you mean? Of course I do," Jane was beginning to sound upset.

"Janie, everybody knew everything about you and Charles." Jane scoffed, though it was her only rebuttal. "Don't you think it's unfair to Maura to keep her a secret?"

Jane looked wounded when she looked at Maura this time. "Is that how you feel?" she asked quietly.

Maura considered carefully. "No, it's not. But I also wouldn't mind people knowing. Omitting your importance in my life is often very close to a lie."

Angela was nodding, and Jane was back to staring at her food. Finally, she shrugged, and took another bite. She chewed thoughtfully, then said, mouth half-full, "If it comes up, say whatever you want, Ma."

"Really?" Angela asked.

"That doesn't mean tell every single person who comes into the bar 'Guess what? My daughter's got a girlfriend!'" Jane tried to roll her eyes, while Angela just looked affronted by the impression. "But _if it comes up_ , yeah. Maura's my girlfriend. And…I'll say it whenever I need to, too." Her free hand reached over to grab Maura's.

Maura was grinning. It was only the second time she'd heard Jane call her that, and she'd never loved being called someone's girlfriend so much. In her other relationships, it had sometimes felt like the term connoted a degree of ownership that made Maura uncomfortable, but with Jane, she felt proud. If anything, she felt like the term didn't fully describe the depth between them.

Angela seemed satisfied, and switched to discussing the flavors of the wine with Maura, who happily compared notes about what she tasted while Jane looked on skeptically. But being Angela, it wasn't too long before she asked, "So, have you two discussed whether you'll be having—"

"Ma, I swear, if you say 'grandchildren'…" Jane began clearing the dirty dishes from the table, taking them to the sink.

"It's just a question!" Angela defended, "But fine. We don't have to talk about it yet."

"Technically, we have discussed raising children," Maura offered.

"When? Was I conscious?" Jane asked over her shoulder, looking concerned.

"When you were pregnant," Maura supplied.

Jane's shoulders relaxed. "Well, _yeah_ , but that was circumstantial. And we weren't…involved…at the time."

Involved wasn't quite the right word, Maura knew, because they were certainly involved enough to discuss co-parenting. But Jane couldn't exactly say they weren't having sex yet in front of her mother. Maura wondered if the intricacies of their relationship would ever get easier to define. "That's true," Maura agreed.

"So you would have children together?" Angela asked hopefully.

Jane laughed, "Considering nobody's pregnant, I think you better start hanging your hopes on Frankie, Ma. Or maybe Tommy'll have another."

Maura was fine with ending the conversation, but it was hard to know with Jane where she stood. Maura always assumed that Jane wanted a family, wanted children. And though Maura had never really thought of herself as parental material, she wasn't entirely opposed, and she'd entertained the thought of adopting an older child before. She wondered if Jane had perhaps changed her mind, or if she was just trying to avoid the subject with her mother. Perhaps they should discuss it.

Jane came back to the table with the box of cannolis and some small plates, which lulled the conversation for a moment. Maura reached her free hand over to grasp Jane's, giving an encouraging squeeze. Jane gripped back, hard, and but after a moment, their hands relaxed, and they finished dessert discreetly connected.

Angela watched the two of them with a smile, and when she was finished with her dessert, she finally said, "I'm just so glad you two figured things out and have each other. Now I can worry a little less about you both."

"Thank you, Angela," Maura said quickly, before Jane could come out with whatever sarcastic response she had.

"And it's just so cute that you're holding hands over dessert," Angela gushed.

Jane moved to drop Maura's hand, but Maura held on tighter. Jane sighed, then whined, "Ma, please. Mind your business."

Angela nearly cackled, "Oh, I do, but I can't exactly ignore what I overhear or what's right in front of me," she said pointedly, taking the box with the leftover cannolis and getting up. "I love you both!" she called as she began to head back to the guest house.

Jane turned to Maura, expression still mortified. "We're never opening the bedroom window ever again. I really don't know how you live with her."

In fact, Maura never found it that hard, but she'd never be able to explain to Jane how much she liked being close to Angela. So she settled on a different truth. "Because I love you and yours."


	6. Commitment should not signify the death

_**Commitment should not signify the death of sexual adventure**_

Jane was torn about what to say to Frankie. On one hand, there was some relief that she didn't actually have to tell him anything he didn't already know. On the other hand, there was the awkwardness of confirming what he'd heard about second-hand. It was different than telling her mother, who would have pried and snooped if she'd refused to confirm her suspicions. Frankie respected her boundaries.

In the end, she knew she had to say something, because leaving it unspoken could only hurt the trust they shared. So when she saw him getting coffee in the Division One Café on Monday, she approached him directly. "Can I talk to you?"

"'Course," Frankie responded, looking a little apprehensive as Jane led him by the elbow to a more private corner of the precinct.

They settled down the hall from the elevators, near some offices that no one had made it to yet. Jane turned, arms folded in an unconsciously defensive gesture, and said, "Ma told me that you know."

Frankie looked unsettled. "Look, I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business, and I told Ma that, but you know how she gets with personal stuff. I won't tell anyone."

"Wait, what? Frankie, it's fine. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Ma. It doesn't have to be a secret. If it comes up, you can tell people about Maura and I."

Frankie's face twisted in confusion. "You want me to tell people that you and Maura are having sex?"

Jane smacked his shoulder with the back of her hand, hard enough that he rubbed it reflexively. "What is the matter with you?"

"Well, that's what Ma told me! Was she wrong? What's going on?"

Jane groaned, "Okay, I'm not going to talk about what Ma thinks she heard." A total lie, but at least it would get them away from the topic of sex. "Maura and I are involved. Like, romantically."

Frankie's eyes widened, "Oh. Oh, okay."

" _That's_ the thing you're allowed to tell people. If it comes up."

"I get it." Frankie glanced behind him down the hall, as if double-checking they were alone. "I gotta know. When did this happen?"

"A little more than a month ago, I guess."

Frankie nodded, then shrugged. "Thought you might tell me, at least. Ma just thought I was covering for you when I swore I didn't know anything about you two. I figured it really _was_ none of our business and you guys were friends with benefits or whatever."

Jane hated the disappointment in Frankie's eyes. She sighed. "Maura and I have been…complicated for a really long time. It was hard to know _what_ to do when complicated became real. Still, I'm sorry."

Frankie nodded. "Okay. I can accept that."

The conversation might've continued, except that just then, Jane caught sight of Maura approaching the elevators, down the hall behind Frankie. She had assumed Maura had already arrived, but it appeared she was running a little late today, and her presence in the hall caught Jane off guard. As her gaze traced Maura from the lines of her calves to the waves of her hair, Maura caught sight of her, and offered a smile and a wave. Jane remembered Frankie then, and saw that he was looking between them, suppressing a smirk. She slapped his shoulder, offered another "Thanks," and strode past him to meet Maura.

Maura's elevator had arrived, but she ignored it in favor of waiting for Jane's approach. "Good morning!" she offered with a smile. They'd spent the previous evening together, though Jane had gone home to sleep at her own apartment, just to get into a work headspace for Monday. It was stupid to have missed Maura overnight, but she had.

"You look…great," Jane said, and even though she knew it wasn't exactly something weird for her to say, she spoke quieter than normal. She felt exposed, though logically she knew that probably no one except Frankie knew anything yet, she felt conspicuously _gay_ in a way she never had before.

Maura looked pleased, "Thank you, so do you." Jane wasn't wearing anything unusual, just her typical work pantsuit and a t-shirt, but when Maura's gaze practically caressed the length of her body, she felt almost naked. She felt a jolt in her stomach, an intense pang of arousal.

She cleared her throat awkwardly, and reached over to press both buttons for them. She was abruptly aware that Frankie was approaching behind her, obviously needing to use the elevator himself. She was both thrilled and mortified that she was just flirting with Maura at work, and now, could not make her brain think of something normal to say. "Uh, how're your bodies?" she winced, "Don't answer that," she continued quickly.

Maura laughed, greeted Frankie, and an elevator opened. Jane gestured with her hand to indicate Maura should take it, and she bowed her head graciously and stepped in. "Text me about lunch," she requested, as Jane nodded after her.

She and Frankie stepped into the next elevator. "Real smooth," was Frankie's only comment, and she sucker-punched him in his stomach. He was still half-hunched over, wheezing out a laugh, as they got out of the elevator together.

Jane's morning was fairly uneventful, and Maura asked her to come down to her office for lunch. She'd had salads delivered, apparently, and Jane eyed her own apprehensively. But it had bacon and cheese on it, so she figured it couldn't be too awful.

Maura drizzled oil and vinegar over her own salad, which looked like it consisted mostly of kale and pears; Jane was newly grateful for the contents of her meal. "I wanted to let you know," Maura began, "That I spoke to my mother today."

Jane had just taken her first bite, which was good. "Yeah?" she asked as soon as she was able.

Maura tasted her own salad and made a small hum of enjoyment. Jane eyed her skeptically, but Maura didn't appear to notice, and instead continued. "Yes. I was so proud of you for how you handled the conversation with your mother, that it made me realize I hadn't told my own mother anything."

"You hadn't?" Jane raised her eyebrows. She supposed she wasn't really shocked, but for the first time, she understood why it might hurt to be kept a secret.

"She and I have never really talked much about my romantic life," Maura elaborated, "So I called her this morning before work."

"So _that's_ why you were late," Jane realized.

Maura nodded, closing her eyes as she savored another bite of food.

They ate quietly for a short time before Jane had to ask, "So what did she say?"

Maura smiled, "She had been trying to figure out for a long time if we were involved but hadn't known how to ask. She was surprised when I told her it had only been about two months."

Had it been that long? Jane didn't think so, but she didn't take the time to count in that moment. "Really?"

"Yes. She said she was glad I had someone as protective as you are."

Jane felt her spine straighten proudly, and she remembered the first time she'd met Constance. She was glad that she'd somehow left a good impression when her intention had been to shame Maura's mother. "I'm glad I have her approval," Jane muttered, a little awkwardly.

"So am I," Maura grinned, "even though her opinion wouldn't affect how I feel in any way…it is nice."

And, Jane realized, it was. It was the first time she'd been in a relationship of her own choosing that her mother had approved of. Her mother's involvement typically consisted of trying to force a relationship to blossom, which had always soured Jane's opinion of the guy. Many of Jane's relationships had never even reached the point of her mother finding out, but one that she'd certainly known about was Casey, and her mother's lukewarm reception of him had always troubled Jane in the back of her mind. If Casey couldn't be a welcome addition to the family, how could he be the right partner for Jane?

Jane had always wanted to believe that her mother's opinions about her life didn't matter, but in fact, they did, especially given how close they had grown over the past few years as Jane lost contact with her father. Strange as it was, she felt relieved that her mother knew about her relationship.

She was a bit less comfortable with the world at large knowing, however, and that week at work, she felt a little exposed. She didn't expect her mother or Frankie to tell everyone right away, but word would spread. She had plenty of experience to confirm that; everyone always had something to say about the youngest female detective's work and personal life. It was hard not to gender the experience, but she had always been a woman in a man's world at her job, whether she liked it or not. And her gender was certainly relevant here, in this news about her personal life.

People were going to talk, and Jane resolved to prepare for it.

On Friday, as Jane worked at her desk, Maura came upstairs in the late morning with a cup of coffee for her. She, Korsak and Nina were wrapping up loose ends on a case that hadn't been too difficult, but had nonetheless kept them late the previous night. Jane turned in her desk chair to face Maura as she approached, smiling at her. "Hey. Thanks," she took the coffee, sipping immediately and sighing in pleasure.

"You're welcome. How's everything going?"

"Fine," Jane said, "We'll probably have everything together by lunch, and then we all might take a half day. Provided nobody else gets murdered today."

"Murderers are rarely considerate of our personal time," Maura remarked.

Jane smirked at her over another sip, "That's why we have _so_ much of it," she rolled her eyes.

"Any time you want to start using your vacation time, kid, just let me know," Korsak spoke from his desk. Jane glanced over. He wasn't looking at them, but he seemed amused. Nina looked between Jane and Korsak for a moment, smiled when Jane caught her eye, and returned her attention to her work.

Maura was pensive when Jane looked back up at her. "Perhaps we should consider a vacation. We could go to the Adirondacks again. I think we'd do much better this time, now that we know what to expect."

"Really?" Jane asked incredulously.

Maura's face brightened, "Or! I have a convention next month. Why don't you come with me?"

"To a medical examiner's convention? Oh, how can I refuse." She smirked to signal to Maura that she was being sarcastic. "Of course I'm coming. Hey Korsak," she called, "I'll need some time off next month."

"Just give me the dates," Korsak replied evenly, still bent over his work.

She turned to Maura, satisfied, and Maura was grinning eagerly. Jane, though was beginning to feel guilty for not working. "I'd better finish this up." Jane turned back toward her desk, "See you after work?"

"Of course. Let me know when you're finished."

Their eye contact lingered until Maura fully turned to walk away. Jane watched the sway of her hips and the flex of her legs until she exited to the hallway. The door broke her line of sight, and Jane blinked, straightened and turned back to her work, but noticed Korsak watching her. She glanced back up at him uncertainly. He beamed at her proudly, shook his head, and refocused on his work, chuckling to himself.

Jane felt warm, and realized she was grinning at her half-finished paperwork. If there was one other person whose approval mattered at least as much as her mother's, it was Korsak.

Armed with that, Jane officially no longer cared who found out.

By Saturday morning, Jane was finally feeling like she could have sex in Maura's house again, as long as they made absolutely sure that her mother couldn't possibly overhear. That mortifying experience wasn't one Jane ever wanted to repeat.

But over breakfast, Maura had disappointing news. "I should inform you that I am menstruating," she said, filling a cup with water for herself as she handed Jane a mug of coffee.

"Oh," Jane answered, mostly awkward but trying to mask her disappointment. She supposed she must have been too busy to notice any other time Maura may have gotten her period while they were together. She mentally shifted gears, setting aside her libido. "How are you feeling?"

Maura shrugged, "I meditated when I woke up and I'm staying hydrated. That should help keep my physical discomfort at bay."

"What do you feel like doing?"

"Oh, anything. I'm open to suggestions."

Jane frowned, because she never felt like doing much of anything, especially on day one of her period. "We can stay in, if you want," she offered.

"But we were going to go take a walk in the Public Garden! It's the perfect time of year. Everything will be so vibrant."

"Let's stay in," Jane decided warily, mostly because it seemed like the right thing to do for Maura.

"If that's what you want," Maura agreed.

"It is. I'm not in the mood for Latin names of plants today."

"I call them by their English names, too!" Maura said defensively, though she was smiling. "But thank you. Staying in with you would be nice."

And it was, though after Jane's mother left for work, it was hard not to be keenly aware that it would be a great opportunity to have sex. But it was not the right time for Maura, Jane reminded herself. She considered spending the night in her own apartment that night, to give herself time with her vibrator.

"Do you want me to stay tonight?" Jane asked in the late afternoon as they watched the French movie Maura had selected.

"I do," Maura responded, "Why do you ask?"

"I dunno. Sometimes I want to be alone when I'm on my period. I just wanted to check."

Maura shrugged, "I'm feeling fine. It's up to you."

"Okay," Jane answered uncertainly. It was hard to decide if it was worth sleeping alone just so she could go masturbate.

Maura was still watching her, "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"What? No. I just know I don't really like to be touched or do much of anything when I'm on mine, so I'm trying to make sure I'm respecting your boundaries."

Jane felt Maura moving, and turned her head as Maura scooted closer to her on the couch. "But that's the difference between you and me. I don't mind being touched. Although I certainly would understand your reticence given the current biological process happening in my reproductive organs…I'm not currently adverse to any touching that could happen between us."

Jane's pulse thrummed noticeably, and she felt her belly give a leap. "Oh. Yeah?" she asked.

Maura nodded, her eye contact very direct and intense, and then she smiled and turned her attention back to the TV. "I think I missed something," she said conversationally, rewinding.

Jane swallowed, trying to calm her nerves. So Maura was open to…something. Jane wrestled with her feelings for a moment and was disappointed in herself to realize that she wasn't sure she would be okay with touching Maura sexually while she was on her period. Was it selfish, then, for her to want Maura to touch her? Not being able to reciprocate felt wrong. Reciprocating was Jane's favorite part.

She turned her attention back to the French film. Though subtitles were never her favorite thing, she was actually enjoying this. Now, though, Maura was close enough to lean against her, and Jane slipped her arm around Maura's shoulder without much thought. Jane hadn't thought of herself as much of a cuddler until Maura. But holding Maura felt like protecting her, and strangely, that made Jane feel safe, too.

"Wish I knew French," she commented during a quiet scene.

"I could teach you," Maura offered, her voice near Jane's ear.

Jane chuckled, "I don't think you'd be able to stand me as a student."

"Why? You're intelligent, driven, stubborn. And a quick study."

"Tell that to my French teacher in high school. I barely got a D."

Maura kissed her neck with a sympathetic sound, probably believing Jane was still sad about her grade. Jane swallowed as Maura's lips touched just below her ear. "Perhaps you would perform better for a different teacher." The words were quiet, but Jane practically felt every sound from Maura's lips, just next to her skin.

"Yeah, I'm not sure being hot for teacher would help me much," she said, her voice rough.

"That's a shame," Maura said just next to her ear, "I'm sure there would be many ways to earn extra credit." Her tone was playful, but her voice in Jane's ear caused her breath to hitch and her heart rate to take off.

Jane swallowed forcefully, "I, uh." She stopped there, unable to articulate further thoughts. Maura nuzzled closer into her neck, and Jane held her, heart hammering.

After the movie, Maura asked, "Want to change into pajamas and then I'll order pizza?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." Jane's jeans and t-shirt were comfortable, but if they were going to be cuddling on the couch for the rest of the night, pajamas sounded better.

Though Jane still kept some clothes in the guest room, most of the clothes she kept at Maura's were now in their own drawer in Maura's bedroom. It was simply more practical. So they went upstairs together. Maura stepped into her closet, and Jane rummaged around in her drawer, looking for boxer shorts and a tank top. She unzipped her jeans, then perched on the edge of the bed to finish pulling them down her legs and to remove her socks.

She felt the bed dip behind her, but didn't think much of it until the motion continued. She glanced over her shoulder to find Maura, still dressed, settling behind her. Maura's arms slipped under Jane's, holding her. Jane leaned back against her, smiling at the unexpected contact.

Maura kissed the top of Jane's head, then trailed kisses down one side. Jane grinned at the simple affection, but her jaw went slack as she felt Maura brush her hair back and then a rush of breath next to her ear. "Hey," Maura whispered, and her lips traced the shell of Jane's ear.

Jane whimpered. It was completely involuntary and she was immediately embarrassed. She tried to speak normally as she responded, "Hey, yourself."

Maura's lips were so close to her ear that she could hear her smile. "How do you feel?' Maura asked softly again, and Jane felt the sound of Maura's breath more than anything, like lightning down her spine. Maura's lips and tongue stroked Jane's earlobe delicately, and Jane shivered, swallowing her moan.

"I'm…" her voice died in her throat at a swipe of Maura's tongue, "…good," she finished, voice rising in pitch.

There was a hungry sound that made Jane's whole face feel warm, and then Maura was next to her other ear, brushing her hair away, lips gently caressing. Jane's head tipped back this time and she moaned softly. Maura's arms tightened around her as she continued to tease Jane's ear. "Your ears are so sensitive," Maura murmured, and the rush of sound sent a ripple of pleasure over Jane's head.

"I guess," Jane got out, swallowing. She'd had no idea that they were, and the sensations were deeply pleasurable, sensual, but confusing, halfway between relaxing and arousing.

One of Maura's hands was moving, now, dipping just under Jane's shirt. Jane relaxed her body in welcome, letting herself be held by Maura, and felt a hand stroking slowly toward her breasts while the lips and tongue on her ear sent jolts of pleasure all down her skin. Maura's hand cupped Jane's breast, grasping gently. "I could get used to making you squirm and whimper like this."

"You could get used to torturing me, you mean," Jane uttered breathlessly.

"Is that what this is?" Maura gently nibbled Jane's earlobe, and Jane couldn't suppress her moan. "Seems to me if you were truly being tortured, you'd know how to stop me." Her hand began to travel down, her fingers sliding beneath the waistband of Jane's panties.

For a moment, Jane had no idea what to do, not because she didn't want Maura to touch her there, but because she wasn't prepared for the possibility. But when Maura's mouth traced the shell of her ear, Jane's legs fell open without conscious thought, and she whimpered through closed lips. Maura fingers slid down, stroking lightly.

As Jane's mouth fell open, Maura moved back to Jane's other ear, giving her arm a bit more reach, and Jane felt the movement of Maura's fingers grow more direct, more intense. Maura's mouth switching to Jane's other ear somehow seemed to increase sensation on Jane's entire body, and she weakly slumped back against Maura, spreading her legs further.

Jane's focus was largely on Maura's mouth, which with every touch against her ear produced a sensation like full-body lightning. Maura's fingers on her clit were harmonious, deeply pleasurable. She merely let Maura hold her, no longer in control of the sounds she made or interested in moving her body, save for the slight undulation of her hips with Maura's hand.

Jane allowed the bliss to absorb her entire mind and body until the sensation of orgasm approached. Jane had just a panicked moment to second-guess everything, just a moment to believe she couldn't possibly come right now, slumped lifelessly against her girlfriend. But Maura brought Jane's earlobe between her teeth and sucked gently. Jane's brain seemed to stop, there was thoughtlessness, and then she was coming, arching and bucking, held in place by Maura's arm.

She reopened her eyes several long moments later, catching her breath. Both of Maura's arms were wrapped around her now, and Maura was gently kissing her hair. Jane made an incoherent grunt, and Maura chuckled, close enough to Jane's ear that it caused another shiver to run through her body. Jane turned her head, catching Maura's lips in a brief, awkward kiss, and Maura's arms loosened enough for Jane to turn, sliding her arms around Maura.

They snuggled for a moment and then Jane's thoughts turned anxious again. She took a breath, let it out, then another, and then finally said, "I don't know if I want to—"

"I am not requesting any reciprocation. I know that sex during menstruation isn't appealing to most people. But, I didn't want you to feel like you had to go without."

Jane grinned in relief, "But I like reciprocating," she whined just slightly.

"You can make it up to me later," Maura laughed. "I'm going to put on my nightgown."

"Good idea," Jane murmured, "Thanks," she added as an afterthought.

Maura leaned back over the bed to give Jane one more kiss. "Thank you for letting me take care of you."

x

Maura considered the evening she tortured Jane's ears a breakthrough. Getting Jane to relax enough, or to be distracted enough, to be the focus of sexual attention was a triumph over Jane's stubbornness.

She could accept, too, that they had different levels of comfort with regard to menstruation. For Jane, it meant no libido. For Maura, her libido stayed consistent, and if its only outlet was to get Jane off, Maura was happy with that.

Besides, she could always masturbate.

Which she did a few times that week. Jane seemed perfectly content with the sexual contact she'd received, and mostly expressed eagerness for Maura's period to be over so they could switch to activities that got them both off. But Maura assumed that Jane was probably masturbating, too.

As Maura sorted through her own sex toys one evening, she thought again about Jane masturbating, and that sole vibrator she seemed to have. It seemed absurd to only have one. Which brought her to the idea of masturbation in general. It wasn't exactly a secret that either of them did it. Most of their early encounters essentially boiled down to them masturbating together, and they had sexted about Maura masturbating before. But she felt weird hiding it from Jane now.

Maura didn't necessarily believe in full disclosure of all things in a relationship, but she wanted to be comfortable enough to be candid about times when she just wanted to masturbate. And she wanted to make sure that Jane wouldn't feel rejected if there were ever a time it was all Maura was up for. She wanted Jane to also feel free to do the same.

And, Maura realized, perhaps she had been going about everything with Jane a bit backwards. Maybe what Jane needed was more time exploring her sexuality alone before she could even know what else she might like to try with Maura.

It was definitely time to buy Jane a new solo sex toy.

"Describe your vibrator," Maura requested one afternoon, after verifying with Jane that she could solicit some personal information from her.

"Uh, what?" Jane asked, clearly taken aback. She was driving them back to Maura's after a Newbury Street shopping trip, and Maura noticed her hands tightened on the wheel reflexively. Maura, however, knew that cars were sometimes good places to discuss things that might be awkward or uncomfortable, because eye contact was restricted to a minimum.

So Maura pressed, delicately. "Your vibrator. Is it for internal stimulation? Clitoral?"

Jane allowed the question to sink in for a moment before she answered, "It's…kind of small. Attaches to a finger. For, uh, the clit."

Maura nodded thoughtfully, "So clitoral stimulation is the most effective for you during masturbation?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Have you ever owned another kind of sex toy?"

"Not that I won't answer, but…why are you asking me all these questions?" Jane asked. Her expression was hard to read behind her aviators, but her tone sounded agitated to Maura.

"I believe it's healthy for sexual partners to discuss masturbation."

"Fair enough," Jane answered, then sighed, "I had a dildo once, but it didn't do much for me. I…don't really come from penetration."

"I see," Maura reflected. "So, if you were to purchase a new sex toy—"

"I don't _want_ a new sex toy," Jane raised her eyebrows, glancing at Maura, "Is that was this is _really_ about? You wanna buy me a vibrator?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Well, it'd be a waste of money. I'm happy with what I have."

"Variety is as healthy in masturbation as is it in sex with a partner."

" _Variety_ just means it'll take twice as long," Jane responded pointedly. "When I, uh, get off by myself, I just like it to be quick and easy. I read those books, you know, about taking your time, and making love to yourself, but…I can't. Nope." Maura could almost hear Jane attempting to roll her eyes. "Let me stick with what works?" she asked softly.

It was hard to deny Jane, especially when she allowed herself to plead a little. Maura elected to drop the subject. For now.

The subject, however, seemed to embolden Jane, who dropped a hand against Maura's knee, thumb caressing the fabric of her slacks. Maura relaxed into the touch, though within a few moments, Jane's driving necessitated both hands on the wheel as she moved through Maura's neighborhood and parked at the house. But as they headed inside, Maura felt Jane's hand curve just slightly over the small of her back, low enough to just brush the top of Maura's gluteus muscle. Jane's hand stayed there as she unlocked and opened the door for Maura, one-handed, with her single shopping bag in the crook of her elbow, and guided Maura and her multiple bags inside.

Once inside, Jane dropped her bag next to the door and reached for Maura's. "Let me take those upstairs for you."

Though the gesture pleased Maura, she declined graciously. "I'd like to take them up and unpack them myself, thank you. You can come up with me, if you like."

"But if I'm coming with you, I should at least carry some."

Maura couldn't argue with that, and passed one handful of bags to Jane. Jane gestured for her to ascend the stairs first, and Maura was sure she felt Jane's eyes on her, just as certainly as she'd felt Jane's hand. Maura peered over her shoulder, and a guilty glance from Jane confirmed what she'd sensed: Jane had been staring at her ass, and, in fact, didn't seem to want to stop. Maura felt smug as she finished climbing the stairs. She felt no need to add any sway or sultriness to her walk, because it was clearly not necessary to pique Jane's interest. That was part of what was so wonderful about being loved by Jane; she just had to _be_.

Once inside the bedroom, Jane set the bags she was carrying down gently next to Maura and stepped back. Maura began to take out and sort new clothes, while Jane kicked off her shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, watching.

But while Maura snipped tags and folded items methodically, it became quickly clear that Jane was bored. She hopped down off the bed and approached Maura. "Where's your new shirt?"

"This blouse?" Maura asked, holding it in front of her body.

Jane nodded, eyes scanning. "Yeah. I wanna see it on you."

"You could've seen it in the dressing room."

"I told you, I hate dressing rooms. It's bad enough going in by myself, I wasn't about to come in there with you." Jane routinely claimed that she had been traumatized by shopping with her mother. She had always been sort of a reluctant shopping partner, though Maura had been hopeful that Jane would want to join her for a, perhaps, erotically charged dressing room experience now that they were a couple. Jane had been as resistant as always, however. Now, though, she reached for Maura, beginning to gently untuck her button up from her slacks. "C'mon. Try it on now."

Maura smiled and lifted her arms, letting Jane finish untucking her shirt. Jane ran her fingers along Maura's waistband, and then took the new blouse from Maura and stepped back, just enough to give Maura room to unbutton her shirt. She watched, a passive smirk on her face, as Maura's shirt slowly fell open and she took it off her shoulders. For an indecisive moment, Maura held it, then dropped it into her laundry hamper.

Jane passed her the blouse and watched as she put it on. Her hands settled on Maura's hips again as Maura finished straightening the top on her body. "I like it," Jane said, her voice a purr.

Maura posed, spreading her arms and jutting out her hip. "I'll let you borrow it," she responded, smiling at her own joke.

Jane laughed, "It looks way better on you." She kissed the bridge of Maura's nose.

"You should've brought up your new things. How am I going to get you out of your clothes?" Maura teased.

"I'm sure with your IQ, you'll think of something," Jane grinned, and leaned in to kiss Maura's lips this time. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's shoulders and held her there, welcoming the kiss.

She pulled away a few moments later, taking in Jane's beaming smile. "I've trained you to take off your shoes when you relax. I'm sure I can."

Jane glanced at her shoes in bewilderment. "You did not _train_ me. I did that of my own free will."

"That's how I know I trained you well," Maura replied.

Jane's eyes crossed. "Okay, if I known you wanted a dog instead of a girlfriend, I'd…still probably date you," Jane cracked a smile.

Maura laughed, and pressed against Jane to kiss her again, guiding her toward the bed. As they got close, however, Jane spun, pinning Maura's legs between her and the bed. They parted, grinning and chuckling a little as they looked each other in the eye, and then Jane leaned in again, and Maura held her by the hips to keep her balance.

Moments later, Jane's hands were sliding down Maura's sides, gripping her waist, and Maura pulled her mouth away enough to say, "You're going to wrinkle my new blouse."

"You're about to get it cleaned anyway," Jane murmured as she kissed Maura's jawline.

"Well, yes," Maura admitted, pausing when she realized Jane was moving to take it off. "I thought you liked it on me," she teased.

"I'll love it more on your floor," she grunted, smirking.

"Wow. Has that line ever worked on you?"

"Nope," Jane answered, pulling off the blouse and dropping it next to her, "But it works on you," she finished in an overly sultry tone.

Maura laughed and sat on the edge of the bed, inviting Jane closer. Jane kissed her, still chuckling a little, and followed Maura up onto the bed a moment later. Maura brought Jane down next to her. They kissed, Jane's hand exploring Maura's exposed skin, until Maura rose, coaxing Jane onto her back, and climbed half on top of her, continuing the kisses.

She felt Jane's hands on her back, roaming her skin, as little kisses between them grew deeper. Maura felt the beginnings of a whimper starting in her throat when she felt Jane's fingers tug on her bra, and then the garment went slack. She lifted herself up and confirmed her bra was undone.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Maura chuckled, letting the bra fall off her arms. Jane's attention zeroed in on the bare breasts in front of her, and Maura grinned as Jane blinked and tried to refocus on her face.

"Nah," Jane answered, rising up and turning Maura onto her back. "I don't have to try," she replied, again in that overly-sultry tone, unable to keep the grin off her face.

Maura laughed, but she couldn't deny the thrum of arousal the words sent through her. Jane hovered over her, and they were kissing again, Jane's arms planted near Maura's shoulders. She often held herself over Maura like this, knowing how much attention Maura liked to give her arms, which looked especially attractive engaged in holding Jane's pose steadily. Maura, however, waited until Jane straightened up to catch her breath, and then tangled their arms, forcing Jane off balance, and twisted her legs and hips to pin Jane by her side, in an altered version of a move she learned in a self-defense class.

Jane looked strangely delighted as Maura held her there, and her eyes drifted down again to Maura's bare breasts. Maura loosened her hold, pulling Jane to her, and they kissed again, limbs tangling, occasionally jostling for dominance.

Finally, Maura panted, "This is hardly fair," as Jane's mouth drifted down her body to kiss her breasts.

"What?" Jane asked between kisses, tongue tracing the swell of a breast.

"You're dressed."

"Guess you haven't trained me to take off anything else yet," Jane teased, just before closing her mouth around a nipple.

Maura arched with a gasp, grabbing Jane's hair. "Come on," Maura got out breathily, "Please?"

Jane lifted her head from Maura's breast, "You said the magic word," she smirked, and sat back on her heels to begin pulling off her t-shirt. Maura sat up and back herself to watch Jane's shirt and, at Maura's expectant look, bra join Maura's clothes on the floor.

Unexpectedly, Jane moved to lie next to Maura instead of climbing on top of her. Her expression was mildly more serious, and she tucked her head next to Maura's chin, kissing her shoulder. Tentatively, Maura stroked her hair, waiting for Jane to set the tone of what was to come.

"I, uh, there's a few things I want to try, but I don't want you to laugh at me," Jane murmured near Maura's ear.

"I…can't promise that," Maura answered honestly, "But I will most likely be happy to try whatever you're curious about."

"Okay," Jane nuzzled her face into Maura's neck, kissing and nipping until Maura's head tipped back. "I wanna know…is scissoring real? And, uh…I wanna try motorboating."

Maura pressed her lips together to suppress the laugh that wanted to escape, then tilted her head down to kiss Jane, who was grinning, in what Maura took to be false bravado. "We can definitely try those together," Maura responded, then sat up, flipping Jane onto her back and reaching for her belt.

Jane watched Maura work, and helped her pull her pants and underpants off. She crossed her legs and watched as Maura removed her own slacks, and then her eyes took in Maura, nude, and she moved to sit up.

"Stay there," Maura said, her voice gentle but nonetheless a command. Jane paused, half-sitting up, eyes still raking over Maura's naked body. Maura moved over to her, climbing on top of her so that she lay down again, and kissed her, pressing their bodies together in a way that made Jane sigh against her lips.

Maura moved her body against Jane's gently, her thigh parting Jane's and pressing between Jane's legs. Maura rocked slowly, pressing herself against Jane's hip, and they found a steady rhythm together as they kissed. But Maura had a feeling Jane would try to flip them soon, and she didn't want her to yet, so once Jane made the first happy moan against Maura's mouth, Maura lifted herself, crouched before Jane, and grabbed her leg.

Jane watched, brow furrowed, as Maura lifted Jane's leg to her shoulder. She opened her mouth, perhaps about to ask what was going on, when Maura straddled her other leg, circling her hips down to press them together. Jane licked her lips then, eyes darting down to where their genitals connected.

"Is this…?" she asked.

"There are probably other, far less comfortable ways to enact the concept of scissoring," Maura said softly, grinding down against Jane. "This seems to me the least strenuous." She gripping Jane's leg, steadying herself, and angled her hips down more, seeking more clitoral stimulation.

Jane watched the way their bodies connected, jaw parted a little. Maura found an angle that worked and exhaled in relief and pleasure as she continued her motions, feeling the heat and wetness of Jane against her own labia. But after a few moments, Jane said, "Okay, does my leg have to be stretched up like this? It's weird."

"I don't suppose," Maura responded a bit breathlessly, releasing Jane's leg. Jane pressed her heel into the bed and Maura gasped as Jane mirrored her motions, pressing and circling up against Maura.

Concentrating on her rhythm took most of Maura's focus as her pleasure built, but she locked eyes with Jane, who was watching intensely, mouth parted as they breathed the same rhythm together. Moments later, they both grinned at each other, and Maura slowed her rhythm a bit.

"So, this is scissoring," she chuckled, "What do you think?"

"I dunno," Jane answered, brow furrowing again, "I can't quite get it so that I'm really feeling it."

"We can stop," Maura slowed down even more, but in response, Jane picked their rhythm back up with renewed vigor.

"No, because I think it's effective for you," Jane said, expression keen, "Right?" She pressed up against Maura with enough pressure to elicit a groan.

"Yes," Maura panted her admission.

"Good," Jane said lowly, "I want to feel you come on my…uh, on me."

Maura gripped Jane's knee to steady herself as she fell back into rhythm with Jane, her pulse like thunder in her head as Jane's words seemed to fill her. She knew it was her blood pressure elevating, and knew it was a sign she was entering the plateau phase of orgasm. It was so simple, the symbiotic way Jane's singular focus on bringing Maura to orgasm just made Maura all the more aroused, but she had always loved watching Jane dedicate herself to a task.

Yet Jane's expression, though steady and focused, was a bit whimsical, too, and Maura laughed, just for a moment, at the situation at hand: Jane, on her back, scissoring Maura, whose body felt like it was humming as her orgasm approached.

A moan cut Maura's laughter short, and before she realized it, she was panting "yes," repeatedly, frequency accelerating. Jane grunted a few obscenities in her excitement as she maintained the motion of her hips, and Maura gripped one of Jane's hands for more stability as her body began to tremble. And she was coming, moaning, hips rolling, shaking as Jane moved with her, keeping their bodies connected, uttering delighted sounds as she watched.

Maura slumped, and Jane planted her foot more firmly against the mattress as her knee helped Maura keep her balance. Maura lifted her body slowly, wincing a little at the tightness in her gluteus muscles as she uncrossed her hips from Jane's. Jane kept her arm steady and Maura collapsed next to her, then pulled at Jane until she rolled on her side to kiss Maura.

"That was…unexpectedly effective," Maura said, smiling blissfully.

Jane laughed. "I'll say. But you looked amazing."

The term might've felt hyperbolic coming from someone else. Instead, it made Maura grin wider. "So did you."

"Please, all I did was lie back and think of England," Jane adopted her airy sarcastic voice.

Maura chuckled and kissed her. "That is not how I would describe you topping me just now."

"But I was on the bottom," Jane's brow furrowed.

Maura shook her head, laughing again. Instead, she rolled onto her back, "Perhaps now you'd like to try the speedboating?"

Jane looked at her incredulously, chuckling lowly a few times. "It's called motorboating, Maura."

"Whatever," Maura shrugged, "Speedboats are motorboats."

Jane, apparently, elected not to continue the debate on terminology as she moved to hover over Maura, eyes on her breasts. She glanced up at Maura's face for a moment, and then pressed her lips against Maura's sternum. Maura moved, then, pressing her breasts together on either side of Jane's face, and heard Jane's muffled moan, and then, Jane blew out her breath.

The sensation tickled, but Maura suppressed her laughter, mostly to preserve Jane's dignity. But moments later, Jane lifted her face, scowling.

"That was…really…not that exciting," Jane said flatly.

Maura let her laughter escape then. "No?" she asked.

"No!" Jane repeated irritably, "I thought there must be a reason people talk about it, but if I have my face there, I just want to enjoy it," she trailed off, eyes falling to Maura's breasts again, and she pressed her face back down into the cleavage. Maura assisted, and felt Jane's mouth pressing all over as she made happy sounds.

Maura let Jane enjoy her breasts for a moment, and an idea struck her. If Jane placed importance on being physically on top, then Maura wanted to try something. "Jane," she murmured, "Come here."

Jane lifted her head, "Sorry," she muttered, rising up to kiss Maura.

"Don't apologize," Maura got out between kisses, "I love that you love my breasts. But I want to try something. Come here."

"I _am_ here," Jane said softly, smiling, nuzzling Maura's nose.

"No, I mean…" Maura groped for words, trying to find a delicate way to express what she wanted. "I want you…on my face."

Jane blinked, but then her eyes widened. "Oh."

"Come on," Maura coaxed, reaching for Jane's hips.

Jane sat up, looking nervous, and crawled up Maura's body. She carefully moved to straddle Maura's face, staring down at her, expression tentative. Maura smiled, arms circling Jane's thighs to grip her hips, urging her down. She felt the muscles of Jane's legs as she settled over Maura's lips, and then Maura's eyes were closing as her mouth made contact.

Maura inhaled deeply through her nose, senses engulfed with Jane, and Jane mirrored Maura's breath with a shaky one of her own, followed by a deep sigh. Maura opened her eyes as her mouth worked, lips and tongue exploring every dip and fold of flesh. Jane looked down at her, hair falling over her shoulders, looking nervous and excited as she adjusted her position, carefully settling. Maura stroked hands over her thighs soothingly, and took a moment to enjoy the sight of looking up Jane's abs to her breasts to her face, flushed and intense, as Jane met Maura's gaze, seeming to calm as they watched each other.

Jane broke eye contact as Maura captured her clit between her upper lip and her tongue, and Maura watched Jane groan, her head tilting back, then closed her eyes to concentrate more on her tactile senses. She focused on Jane's clit and on finding the pattern that was the most effective. She gripped Jane's thighs as her mouth worked, waiting for the beginning signs that Jane was getting out of her head enough to relax, to accept the pleasure, to be orgasmic.

She knew the signal as soon as it began, and she felt it first in the flexing of Jane's thighs beneath Maura's hands, and then her head was tilting to accommodate the motion of Jane's hips as they gently rocked against Maura's face. Maura opened her eyes to see Jane's eyelids were fluttering shut, her mouth parting, and she could see her lips moving, forming barely discernible words out of Jane's breathy exhalations. Maura took a moment to watch Jane's abdominal muscles flex with her motions, and Maura moaned into the delicate flesh pressed against her mouth.

Jane looked at her, for just a moment, with a smirk and panted, "Effective?"

In answer, Maura dug her fingers into Jane's thighs and pressed against Jane's clit with her tongue, firmly enough to feel it pulsate, and Jane groaned, head falling back again. Maura picked back up with what she was doing before, but her hands stayed firm, holding Jane in place, not to still the motions of her hips, but to remind her of their situation. It was equally aggravating and endearing that Jane's thoughts in the moment turned to whether or not Maura was enjoying their encounter, but Maura felt it was largely counterproductive when it was Jane who was supposed to climax.

Not that she wasn't aroused. She was certain she was very wet, but her concentration needed to be on Jane, not herself.

Jane seemed to regain her sense of unselfconsciousness a few moments later, and Maura heard the changes in her breath, felt the increasingly parabolic motions of her hips' gyrations, felt the thighs next to her head tightening. Maura held fast, arching her neck to keep her mouth in place, tongue swiftly stroking, pressing, circling in an instinctual rhythm, listening and feeling for what Jane needed most.

Jane's moans were getting louder, and she was bracing herself against Maura's headboard as her hips moved. Maura moaned her approval between nasal inhalations, intending encouragement rather than distraction, and it seemed to be effective. She felt Jane's body coiling, braced herself for Jane's release.

"Maura," Jane panted, her motions slowing, and Jane's hands grabbed at Maura's. Maura released her grip on Jane's thighs, and Jane lifted herself off Maura's mouth. Before Maura even had a chance to speak, to find out what had hurt or upset Jane, wild dark eyes met her own. "Don't want to drown you," Jane got out by way of explanation, "Can I…?" She settled over Maura's chest, one hand reaching down to steady Maura's breast.

"Yes," Maura said quickly, eagerly, knowing that Jane's orgasm could fade rapidly, and she gasped at the sensation of Jane's wetness and warmth pressing against her nipple, and her fingers splayed out over Jane's hips and thighs. She watched Jane brace herself with her right hand on Maura's shoulder while her left fell between her legs, fingers flicking rapidly over her clit.

Maura could barely consider the strangeness of her situation before Jane's entire body visibly tightened again, preparing for release, and, moments later, Jane's hand lifted to slap over her own mouth and she was coming, thrusting against Maura's breast, guttural groans caught in her palm. Maura felt the vaginal contractions against her nipple and she involuntarily whimpered, staring at Jane, whose hips didn't stop moving until Jane had to slump forward, catching herself on the headboard again.

Jane was sagging over her, catching her breath, and Maura stroked her fingers gently over Jane's thighs, feeling her quadriceps muscles relax. Jane groaned, forced herself to sit up, and then collapsed off to one side, slowly lifting her hips off of Maura's chest. She groaned again, into a pillow this time, as her body slowly unwound until she was fully stretched out.

Maura rolled toward Jane, placing a steadying hand on her back. She could feel Jane's heartbeat and the rise of her chest, still elevated, but decelerating. She kissed Jane's shoulder until Jane, apparently with great effort, lifted her head and shifted her upper body, turning to face Maura. Maura kissed her face a few times, waiting for Jane to say something, but she appeared unable, and finally, Maura could no longer stand the silence.

"Did you really elect to climax on my breasts because you were afraid of drowning me?"

Jane frowned, "I had a bad feeling you were going to tell me that was a stupid worry. But I just couldn't get it out of my head, and I couldn't, you know, come."

"It's not stupid if it bothered you that much," Maura said, running her hand along Jane's back. Jane smiled a little, closing her eyes, but Maura wasn't content to leave a truth untold. "It is, however, a bit of an…irrational worry," she said carefully.

"That's just a fancy way of saying it's stupid," Jane mumbled, but she was smiling, "I know it probably is," she admitted, "But I did also kinda want to…come on your…tits." Jane screwed up her face, as if she couldn't believe the words even as she said them.

Maura laughed. "You know, I don't think I've ever had a woman climax on me in such a way."

"Really?" Jane sat up a little now, looking intrigued.

Maura nodded, "I have to say, I enjoyed it. I think it shows a reverence for my breasts while at the same time being a bit erotically objectifying. Not to mention subversive."

"As long as that means you liked it, I'm happy," Jane leaned in to kiss her, and Maura met her lips.

"You make me very happy," Maura told her, "And I love you."

Her heart beat hard. Neither of them were particularly adept at using their words like this, and doing so made Maura think that language was so incredibly insufficient to express every facet of the depth of their connection.

But hearing Jane murmur, "Love you too," and pressing their foreheads together made Maura think that, however much words lacked, they still had the power to flood her body with the warm chemical cocktail of love.


	7. The lemons of our sexual insecurities

_**The lemons of our sexual insecurities turned into delicious bonerade**_

Jane swept her tongue over a hard nipple, making Maura gasp and writhe against her. Jane braced herself against the door behind Maura, keeping her pinned between them, and kissed her way toward Maura's sternum, pausing at the edge of her cleavage. She sucked at the skin until Maura's hand fisted in her hair, and then grazed her teeth over the spot, making Maura yelp and tug. Jane pulled her lips away and kissed up Maura's neck, loving the way Maura moaned when she nipped a few times.

"I really should finish packing," Maura said breathlessly, though there was no urgency in her tone.

"You have time," Jane grunted, pulling back slightly. "Please, let me make you feel good one more time before you go." She was begging, and a part of her hated it, but she saw the way one corner of Maura's mouth pulled up and her eyes grew soft. Jane would happily beg if it was for something they both clearly wanted.

In Jane's case, however, she felt like she needed it. Though she had fully intended to go out of town for the weekend with Maura to the medical examiner's convention, she found herself in the middle of a case she felt she couldn't abandon. Maura had already completed the autopsy and gathered forensics for testing, so she still intended to leave; besides, she was scheduled to be on a panel, and did not want to miss the opportunity.

Jane understood all of this and had no room for regret about her choice to stay behind. She knew where she was most needed. But it didn't make the prospect of Maura leaving town easy to bear, even for a weekend. It made Jane sad to realize that she wouldn't see her every day and it made her crave the physical contact she could have in the meantime.

So while they waited for Susie's forensic test results and for Nina's research to find anything useful, Korsak had sent Jane home to spend the evening with Maura, who was leaving early the next morning. Jane knew it was possible she might be called if they found something, but she wasn't expecting them to find anything meaningful just yet, and knowing someone was currently handling part of the investigation allowed her to put it out of her mind. At least enough to pin Maura to her bedroom door, unbutton her top, and pull her bra down enough to access her breasts, despite Maura's protestations that she would stretch out the fabric of the garment (though she seemed to care a little less about that once Jane's mouth got to work).

Maura was chuckling to herself, shaking her head, but then Jane felt her jacket being pushed off her shoulders. She let it fall off and tossed it aside, knowing Maura would be compelled to fold it. Maura winced as the jacket landed on the floor in a heap, and Jane kissed her as a distraction, helping remove Maura's button-up shirt and tossing it aside, too. This time, Maura was too busy whimpering into Jane's mouth to wince.

"What do you want to do?" Maura asked, voice high and breathy, as Jane's lips traveled down the other side of her neck. Jane bit the junction of neck and shoulder, just hard enough that Maura's head fell back against the door as a hiss turned into a groan.

Jane kissed the spot and muttered, "I want to fuck you," very fast. Despite the fact that her words made Maura emit an aroused sound, Jane still felt a little awkward saying things like that sometimes. But, as always, she did her best to own her choice, rolling her hips against Maura's as she reached behind her to unclasp her bra.

"Yes, please," was Maura's whispered response as she reached for the hem of Jane's shirt, her fingers stroking the muscles of Jane's back as she pulled the shirt up.

Jane disengaged enough to allow Maura to finish pulling off her shirt and undershirt and for Maura's bra to slide off her arms. The fact that the garments hit the floor with no visible reaction from Maura told Jane all she needed to know about Maura's arousal level, and she reached for Maura's belt.

Maura looked amazing in everything. It was often the first thing people noticed about her, and it was a constant Jane was sure she might never get used to, because Maura looking amazing would always intrigue her. But Maura in pants looked gorgeous in a completely different way than Maura in dresses or skirts. There was a different, yet still feminine, swagger, another way of carrying herself that enticed Jane. The feeling of getting Maura out of her pants was different than getting under her skirt, and Jane took a moment to appreciate the many levels of Maura's sexiness as she opened her belt and slacks.

Her progress halted momentarily as Maura bypassed those steps and simply moved closer, slipping her hand down Jane's pants, her fingers groping as Jane's belt held her forearm in place. Jane moaned involuntarily, back arching, hips jutting to try to get more sensation from Maura's hand. Maura stayed close, her left hand working Jane's belt while her right attempted to orient itself, until finally, Jane's pants opened, and they both sighed as Maura's fingers abruptly stroked along Jane's clit and circled slowly, then slid further back, teasing. Maura was watching her as they made eye contact for just a moment, and then a finger pressed inside, and Jane's eyes closed as she suppressed a moan.

She widened her stance and braced herself against the door with her left hand as she leaned down to kiss Maura, whose finger was still moving gently inside her. Jane kept kissing her, other hand grasping Maura's breast, fingers teasing her nipples, but her attention wasn't focused on it. Instead, all she could do was feel Maura touch her, feel her thumb seek out Jane's clit, feel that finger retreat almost fully to be replaced by two fingers, and Jane's eyes rolled back as she dropped her face to groan into Maura's neck. She couldn't help but nip the soft skin there as she tried to regain her composure.

Maura kissed the side of her head. "Effective?" she whispered just next to her ear, tongue swiping over the shell for a moment.

"Yeah," Jane managed to get out. " _Fuck_ , Maura."

"I thought you wanted to fuck me," Maura said lightly, amusement in her tone, and pumped her fingers a few times, curling deep inside Jane. It was always surreal, in a strangely erotic way, to hear Maura casually use profanity.

"I do," Jane whimpered, and, realizing she should be specific, she attempted to clarify, "with the purple one." Though she was getting better at communicating in the bedroom, sometimes she still struggled with how to be precise about what she wanted without it sounding completely unsexy.

Maura's fingers pushed inside, deep and hard, and her thumb pressed firm circles for a moment as Jane failed to suppress a strangled groan. Then Maura was withdrawing them, pulling her hand out of Jane's underpants, and then reaching behind Jane to finally unclasp her bra. Jane straightened, blinking to try to clear her thoughts, and absently let her bra fall to the floor. "Take off your pants," Maura commanded in that soft and polite tone she used, then side-stepped Jane to go to her closet, presumably to get the Feeldoe.

Jane stepped out of her pants and underwear eagerly and watched the closet door shut behind Maura. Jane wasn't good at waiting patiently, so she moved closer, leaning nude against Maura's armchair near the closet, trying to look casual as she waited.

A minute later, Maura emerged, now nude herself, carrying the strap-on. Jane tried not to roll her eyes as she realized Maura likely took the time to fold the clothes she was removing while inside the closet, but she didn't dwell on it, not when Maura grinned and offered Jane the toy.

Jane's first choice of strap-on continued to be the Fusion, generally, because it absolutely had the best stimulation for the clit. But she liked the Feeldoe, too, because its internal anchor meant that Jane could feel herself moving inside Maura. But the Fusion was just easier, because sometimes Jane just wasn't in the mood to feel the stretch as her body took in the Feeldoe's anchor. She was definitely ready today, though, and had chosen it because she wanted to keep that feeling of Maura inside her, fucking her as she fucked Maura.

She took the toy and for a moment debated whether she wanted to step into the bathroom to insert it. There was rarely much sexy about the process of getting a strap-on into place, but this was, at least, relatively simple, so Jane decided to just do it there, and balanced one foot on the arm of the chair. Maura was next to her, a steadying hand on her back, kissing her shoulder as she watched Jane push the bulbous end of the piece into herself. Jane groaned at the sensation, pleasant, this time, presumably from Maura's foreplay, and Maura moaned next to her ear, slipping her arms around Jane.

"You're exquisite," Maura whispered, her hand stroking Jane's torso, skimming over breasts and abs and hipbones.

Jane turned, grabbing Maura's hips as they kissed, and one hand reached around to grab Maura's ass in a firm handful. Maura gasped and laughed a little, playfully swatting Jane in return, and Jane kissed her way down to Maura's breasts again. This time, she bit the upper swell of Maura's other breast, grinning as Maura tugged her hair again. Maura's groan assured her that she wasn't actually hurting her, but she kissed the spot gently anyway, an unnecessary apology.

Her hands moved, sliding over Maura's hips and dipping down. Jane touched Maura, feeling how wet and open she already was, how two fingers slipped inside easily. They exhaled together, a euphoric sound, and Maura's forehead dropped to Jane's shoulder. Jane withdrew her fingers, stroking the tip of the strap-on with the wetness clinging to them, and guided Maura into the armchair.

Maura settled, propping a foot up onto an arm, opening herself, and Jane crouched, trying to find the best angle. They frowned, Maura scooted forward, then back, and Jane dropped lower, propped her own leg up, but there wasn't an easy or obvious angle that would work. Maura caught Jane's eye and started laughing softly, and Jane couldn't help but laugh, too.

Controlling her laughter, Jane said, "Okay, forget this. Get up." She pulled Maura to her feet, grabbing her hips. Maura allowed herself to be led, turned around, and bent over the arm of the chair. She gasped a little as she caught herself, balancing, and looked over her shoulder at Jane, smirking slyly.

Jane ran her hands down Maura's back and over her hips and grabbed Maura's ass again, almost massaging it, then slid her fingers inside once more, gauging the angle, making Maura push back against her. She steadied the tip of the dildo, pressing just into Maura, and stopped, abruptly concerned.

"Um," Jane started, and Maura glanced over her shoulder with wild eyes. "Do you want the lube?"

Maura sighed, an amused and exasperated sound. "I'll be fine," she assured, and Jane believed her. There was plenty of evidence on her fingers to support it.

Even so, Jane moved slowly, pressing just inside and pausing before moving deeper. She moved inside Maura with only half of the shaft, rocking gently and waiting for moisture to spread, until she was moving easily.

But then Maura was shifting, trying to lift her hips up, but Jane understood, and reached around her hip. Maura couldn't easily touch herself, and so Jane tried, bending awkwardly, her rhythm interrupted, and by the time Jane found her clit, she was frustrated to realize, this wasn't going to work.

She pulled out gently, and Maura gasped, looking over her shoulder again, but understood immediately as Jane knelt on the floor. Maura moved down in front of her, crouched on her elbows and knees, and Jane ran nails down Maura's back this time, leaving little red trails as Maura arched, her knees spreading, and Jane allowed a panting Maura to help push the strap-on back inside. A few shallow thrusts, and Jane was moving more easily, gradually moving deeper, until her hips met Maura's flesh, and Maura groaned, so loud and low that Jane felt it as much as she heard it. Maura's shoulders seemed to buckle, but she pushed herself back up on her elbows, and began to rock against Jane.

Grabbing Maura's hips, Jane began to move with her, steady and strong and gradually picking up the pace. Her fingers squeezed into Maura's flesh, gripping back, hips, ass, feeling her body move. Jane watched the way they moved together, watched the toy disappear inside Maura, and when Maura reached between her legs to touch her clit, Jane could only keep going, spurred by Maura's rhythmic moans. She wanted Maura to be, in her words, "pleasantly sore" the next day, and at that thought, Jane brought her palm down and slapped Maura's ass.

It wasn't a hard slap, but Maura cried out in surprise. Jane ran her hand soothingly over the area, maintaining the rhythm of her hips. "Sorry. Too much?"

"No," Maura gasped over her shoulder, her eyes rolling back as she pushed back hard against Jane for a few strokes, "But I'd prefer a warning before you try something like that."

"Okay," Jane said, slightly contrite, but then she dropped her voice excitedly. "I'm gonna do it again."

"Yes," Maura hissed, and this time, she moaned as Jane's hand made contact. "And if you're going to do that, you should pull my hair."

Jane slowed a little. "What?"

"Pull my hair," Maura requested again, "Like you do when I perform cunnilingus on you."

"Oh," Jane muttered. She hadn't thought much about it, but she did do this, she realized, and Maura always seemed to like it. She reached forward, grasping a handful of hair at the crown of Maura's head, and pulled gently, steadily. "Like this?"

"Yes," Maura got out through a moan.

Jane adjusted her grip and began thrusting steadily once again. She pulled Maura's hair, careful not to jerk her head back, and brought down her other hand in another firm slap. Maura's groan was absolutely guttural, her body was arching. A few more slaps, and Maura's skin was flushed. Jane noticed the way Maura was pushing back against her even more, the way she could see Maura gasping for breath from the motion of her shoulders. Jane felt her own body begin to clench around the end of the strap-on, felt the way it was getting more difficult to drive into Maura, and then Maura was coming, pushing back hard against Jane and staying there, groaning into the carpet. Jane stayed still, save for tightening her grip on Maura's hair, and let the motion of Maura's orgasm take over, and reached between their bodies just enough to touch her clit. Moments later, she was pushing back into Maura as she came, hand rocketing up to be caught between her teeth, and Maura's hips spasmed again, her own orgasm prolonged.

When Jane finally calmed, she slowly released her grip on Maura's hair and ran a soothing hand down Maura's back, then slowly pulled out. Maura seemed to collapse as Jane did so, and she rolled onto her back, opening her arms. Jane propped herself up next to Maura on the floor, leaning down to kiss her, slow and gentle, as they caught their breath.

"Not that I'm complaining," Maura said, her voice a little raspy, "But I'm not sure I've ever seen you be so aggressive in bed." She glanced down at her breasts and frowned. "I think you left hickeys."

"Good," Jane grunted. Maura cast her a side-eyed look, and Jane admitted, "I may have been trying to mark you."

" _Mark_ me?" Maura asked, sounding amused and intrigued.

"Yeah. So everyone at the convention would know you were taken."

"Why do you assume I wouldn't tell people?" Maura raised her eyebrows. "And why on earth are you worried? It's not as though any of those people are attractive to me."

Jane scowled, "So if there _were_ going to be attractive people there, I should feel differently?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow to show she wasn't entirely serious.

"Of course not," Maura scoffed, though she looked more hurt than amused.

But Jane wasn't actually worried. She'd known for a long time that Maura had far more sex partners than Jane, but Maura had never behaved unscrupulously on her quest for casual sex. There was something reassuring about being with someone who could not easily lie. "It's not that I don't trust you," Jane met Maura's eyes, "I do." Her eyes dropped, staring at the carpet. "I just don't trust _them_."

A shocked, involuntary chuckle fell from Maura's mouth. "You did not just say that," she said incredulously, reaching over to pinch the thin skin of Jane's inner arm.

"Owwww," Jane cried out, sitting up and turning betrayed eyes to Maura, "Why would you _do_ that?"

"Why would you say that? Do you not see how ridiculous that is? And insulting?" Maura was sitting up herself now, her expression intense.

"In what possible way?" Jane muttered grumpily, rubbing the spot where she'd been pinched. It didn't really physically hurt, but her feelings were a bit stung by Maura's harsh reaction, and her skin was easier to sooth in the moment.

"It's illogical. It takes two people to commit an infidelity, Jane. And it's insulting to me to suggest that there could be someone so irresistible that they could convince me to break that trust you claim to have in me. If you truly trust me, it shouldn't matter if you don't trust anyone else."

As Maura spoke, Jane got on her knees and pulled out the strap-on, mostly to avoid making eye contact with Maura. She held the strap-on and scowled as Maura finished speaking. "I _do_ trust you," she assured again. She groaned, "I'm not even really worried about anything. I just wanted…people to know," she finished lamely, eyes dropping to her hands. She knew she couldn't put the strap-on down on the carpet without Maura reprimanding her, so her nervous fingers fiddled with the sex toy they held.

"Which is kind of erotic," Maura said, trying to catch Jane's eye. "Infidelity _is_ scary. Humans aren't particularly adept at being monogamous, after all. It's natural to desire sexual contact outside of a monogamous relationship. That's what makes the promise of monogamy so valuable. It's truly a sacrifice."

Jane frowned, "When you put it that way…I don't like that you think of being with me as a _sacrifice_."

Maura laughed, "That is certainly not true and definitely not what I meant to imply. We're rather fortunate, that we're so close emotionally and are highly sexually compatible. Choosing to only have sex with you is hardly a difficult decision. But, I'm human, and I'm certain I'll desire others at some point. It's only natural."

"Is it?" Jane asked dully, "Because honestly…I don't think about anyone but you." She pointed the strap-on at Maura, and then dropped it into her other hand, feeling ridiculous.

Maura looked surprised, "Really?" Jane smiled weakly and shrugged. "Okay, let me put it this way. You consume pornography, correct?"

Jane's smile began to feel more like a wince. She raised her eyebrows. "No?"

"Really?" Maura repeated, more incredulously this time. "Never?"

"Didn't say that," Jane muttered, "It's just been a really long time. It always made me feel gross."

Maura hummed. "It _can_ be difficult to find ethical, feminist porn, especially if you're on a budget."

Jane shuddered, "I looked up feminist porn once. All I found were very masculine women fisting each other. Not for me."

Maura laughed, though there was no scorn in it. She shook her head. "So you don't watch pornography. And you only think about me when you masturbate?"

Jane eyed her, "Is that so weird? You know how much cheating bothers me."

Maura looked hesitant as she spoke, "You are quite unusual. It's not a bad thing." She paused, then said, "If I asked you to try to find time to listen to a particular episode or two of the podcast this weekend, would you?"

"Sure," Jane shrugged. She frankly wasn't sure what she was going to do with any free time she had this weekend if she couldn't spend it with Maura.

"Thank you," Maura said, standing up. She winced, a hand falling to her knee, and Jane noticed they were red and scuffed with rug burn. "I guess I'll be switching out the skirt I was going to wear on Saturday for pants," she sighed as she headed for her closet.

"Sorry," Jane grinned, sincere but still a bit irrationally proud.

Maura shot her an amused look, and opened her closet door. Jane got to her feet and began pulling back on her clothes. Moments later, Maura called from inside her closet, "I almost forgot! I have a gift for you."

"Really?" Jane asked. She continued dressing, waiting for Maura to elaborate, and was buckling her pants when Maura stepped out of the closet in a robe, rolling a piece of luggage behind her. Jane stared as Maura lifted the luggage onto the trunk at the foot of her bed and opened it, looking appraisingly at the folded clothes sealed in plastic within. "Well?" Jane asked, spreading her arms.

"What? Oh, the present?" Maura asked. Jane looked around, baffled, but couldn't come up with anything snarky, so she just grunted. Maura smiled, "It's at your apartment."

"What?"

"On my lunch break today, I stopped by and left if on your coffee table for you."

"Why on earth would you do that when I told you I was coming over tonight, no matter how late I was kept at work?"

"Because," Maura said easily, "I wanted you to open it after I left town, so you'd have something to look forward to."

Jane groaned, "You know I hate waiting."

Maura kissed her, "I know. That's why I'm breaking up the time you have to wait for me to come home with something else."

Jane tried to glare, but she knew she was smiling. "So what is it?" she asked.

"You'll just have to wait and see."

"Come on!" Jane groaned again.

"I refuse to spoil the surprise."

And Maura held to her word, no matter what Jane asked her, by simply refusing to answer anything lest she be forced to avoid a lie. Though Jane was mostly pestering her for her own amusement, so it was okay that she was no closer to figuring out what it was by the time Maura had finished packing and shooed Jane off to the guest bathroom to get ready for bed.

Maura awoke early, and though Jane had intended to just go back to her apartment after the taxi picked up Maura for the airport, she fell back to sleep in Maura's bed. She woke up shortly afterwards to a call from Korsak, letting Jane know he and Nina were heading in early and that they could use her. So Jane showered and dressed at Maura's before heading in.

It took almost a full day of forensics, research and interviews, but by the late evening, they had the suspect they were sure was the perp in custody with enough evidence to stick. Jane felt a little deflated as she headed home, telling Korsak and Nina she would see them the next day to tie up the case. She had expected work to distract her all weekend. She texted Maura to let her know she was heading home and that the case was basically finished.

Truthfully, Jane liked having her own apartment, even if she was rarely in it. She was proud of herself for being able to afford it, and, having grown up in a crowded house where she never felt like she had any privacy, she liked having space of her own. Sometimes, it seemed silly to pay for it when she spent so much more of her time at Maura's, but a degree of independence was still important to Jane. There were times when she needed to be alone, and having a space to do that was crucial.

This weekend wasn't necessarily one of those times, but, Jane reflected, at least being here by herself she would feel less lonely than at Maura's house, where her girlfriend's absence would be even more conspicuous.

Once inside, she opened Skype and almost immediately had an incoming call from Maura. Jane settled onto her couch, her gun put away but otherwise still fully in work clothes. Maura's face popped onto the screen as Jane was taking off her badge and phone and placing them on the coffee table. "Hey," she greeted. She stopped what she was doing and took in Maura's face.

"How are you?" Maura asked her. The camera shifted, and Jane noticed pillows behind Maura's head. She appeared to be in bed, and from what Jane could see of her shoulders, most likely wearing a robe.

"Fine. I'm glad the case is over but now I don't know what to do with my weekend. Wish I could come down and join you."

"I do, too," Maura said regretfully, "The panels so far have been fascinating."

Jane chuckled, "Yeah, that's _totally_ the reason I wish I was there." Maura smiled, shaking her head, and Jane reached down to start taking off her boots, teasing, "Shouldn't you be off playing Autopsy Jeopardy with your colleagues?"

"I played a round over a glass of wine after dinner, but decided to retire early," Maura replied.

"Good, because I'd hate to cut into your quality time with the people who peer review your articles."

Maura opened her mouth, then just laughed, "I missed you today."

"Me, too," Jane sighed.

"Speaking of which, did you open your present?"

"Oh! No, I didn't," Jane blinked. Jane's living room wasn't really messy, but it was currently cluttered enough with case files and paperwork that Jane hadn't noticed the little gift bag waiting for her on the table, perhaps because it was plain white and blended in. Jane would have been embarrassed to have missed it if not for its camouflage and the fact that she had been so singularly focused on her computer when she came home. She picked up the eagerly and reached inside, felt something plastic, and pulled it out. "Oh my God."

"What do you think?" Maura asked.

"I think…you got me a vibrator that I don't need." Jane looked at Maura, then back at the toy. It was slender, about five inches long, and purple, and that was about all Jane could tell.

"I know you said that," Maura said, "But I would urge you to give it a try. It can used for insertion or clitoral stimulation. And it has variable speeds and rhythms. Besides, you can think of me when you use it." She batted her eyes.

Jane snorted, "I think of you no matter _what_ I use," she muttered, which made Maura grin. "I'll consider it," Jane placed the vibrator aside, "But you know, you could've just sent me nudes, if you wanted to help me get off."

"Jane!" Maura looked scandalized, but her face melted into a smile moments later, and she laughed.

Jane grinned and slumped back on the couch, watching Maura's face as she laughed. Just seeing her made Jane feel better after her long day, and being able to smile and laugh with her was like truly coming home.

"So what are your plans for your night?" Maura asked.

Jane sighed and pushed back her hair. "I dunno. Maybe order a pizza or Chinese if I don't have any leftovers. Get some sleep. What about you? Is your panel tomorrow?"

"It is," Maura nodded, "So I was planning to relax tonight. I already took a hot bath."

Jane sighed, "That _does_ sound good."

"Mmhmm," Maura hummed, and Jane closed her eyes for a moment and basked in the thought of a hot bath, with Maura in it. How the steamy bathroom air would smell, how Maura's skin would feel, slick and soft and warm.

"We should do that sometime," Jane blurted, blinking her eyes open.

Maura looked bemused for a moment before her expression cleared. "A bath? Yes, we should."

Jane licked her lips and nodded, filing away the fantasy for later. Maura watched her, a smirk gradually appearing.

"I also fully intend to orgasm tonight, so I am as relaxed as possible for tomorrow."

Jane's eyes widened, "That…sounds like a good plan."

"Mmhmm," Maura said again, and Jane watched the camera jostle as the angle changed, settling next to Maura. "Maybe you'd like to help me."

"Uh. I, uh." Jane couldn't come up with an answer.

"Just watch, for now," Maura said softly, "You're not recording this, are you?" Jane shook her head vehemently, eyes glued to the screen, and she watched as Maura opened her robe. The angle showed Maura from her ribs up, which meant all Jane was capable of noticing for a long moment were Maura's breasts on her screen.

"Oh, God," Jane stuttered, "Are you really…doing this?"

"You were the one who wanted nudes," Maura grinned.

"Touché," Jane replied weakly, still staring as Maura gasped, her head tilting back, and though Jane couldn't see what her hands were doing, she had a good idea.

Maura caught Jane's eye, a smirk appearing, "I'm still a little sore from last night. It feels _good_."

In response, Jane could only whimper, "Maura," not even sure what she was asking for.

"You make me feel so incredible, the way you look at me," Maura almost sighed, eyes fluttering open to look at Jane, as her breaths began to get more audible.

"Maura, I'm sorry," Jane gulped, "But I don't think I can do what you're doing right now."

"You don't have to," Maura assured, and from her expression, Jane could tell she had stopped touching herself, and she gazed at Jane steadily. "Please, you don't have to do anything. I just want to be with you while I do this."

"Okay," Jane breathed shakily, "Okay." She smirked, "Touch yourself again, and remind me how good I made you feel last night."

Maura moaned aloud, jaw falling open, "God, last night was fantastic."

"You were so gorgeous," Jane husked. Maura whimpered at her words, and Jane saw Maura's hand cup her own breast, fingers stroking the nipple. She swallowed, shifting in her seat. Her entire body felt hot, and she shoved her jacket off her shoulders, throwing it on the floor, and leaned forward, closer to the screen, closer to Maura.

"Your arms," Maura breathed, and Jane glanced at the image of herself, the one Maura had, and flexed with a smirk. The sound Maura made in response almost made Jane laugh. This even worked on a computer? But then her eyes fell to Maura's fingers, pinching her own nipple, and Jane felt a heartbeat between her legs.

"Okay," Jane breathed, "Okay, I'm going to…" She made her decision, and tilted her computer screen up, angled so that her hips were out of frame. She stood up and unbuckled her pants, and Maura gasped when Jane's legs were revealed. Jane sat back down and grabbed for the new vibrator. Her other one was in the bedroom, and she wasn't about to waste time retrieving it. Not with Maura, flushed and panting, on her screen.

"Jane," Maura gasped, "Are you…?"

"Yeah," Jane swallowed, "I don't want to…show anything, but I want to come with you." She held up the vibrator, spinning it until she found a button toward the bottom, and pressed it on. A low hum started, and Jane frowned. Not very strong. She hit the button again, and the hum got louder. Jane cycled through at least ten different settings before going back to the second one, a medium, steady speed. She slid the toy into her panties and rested the length of it down along her sensitive flesh. She let out a stuttering, guttural sound, muttered, "Oh _God_ ," and then realized her head had fallen back against her couch. She looked down at the screen again, where Maura was staring at her, mouth agape.

"You're using it, aren't you?" Maura asked eagerly. Jane nodded, inhaling sharply, as the vibrations felt so good she literally forgot to breathe for a moment. Maura swore, then, a breathy little " _fuck_ ," that made Jane clench, "You have no idea how good that feels. Feels like I'm over there touching you myself."

Jane couldn't help it, and felt a grin forming. "When did you become a cyborg?"

Maura let out a helpless little cackle that turned almost immediately into a long, drawn-out moan. Jane's breath hitched, and she focused on the vibrator, finding that perfect subtle movement of hips and hands that brought Jane closer. She watched Maura, the way her breasts moved rhythmically with her unseen hips, the way her hands and fingers handled her own breasts so roughly, the shape of her lips as she made quiet sounds. The way her eyes kept flicking to Jane, and seemed overwhelmed by the sight of her every time. Jane tried not to look at her own camera's feed, knowing whatever she looked like now, in the moments before bliss, was likely not something she wanted to know about herself. She moved with her vibrator, chasing that bliss, eyes and ears focused so fully on Maura that she wasn't sure she'd notice a fire alarm. Jane's world was encompassed by a screen, where an image of her girlfriend was arching and tightening and failing to choke back moans. A girlfriend whose lustful gaze met her eyes, the challenge in it just discernible, as if they were runners in a dead heat, neck and neck to the finish line.

The moment Jane realized they were about to come together was the same moment she began coming, and, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, Maura came at the same apparent moment. Jane barely had time to grab the throw pillow but she slammed it over her face just in time to muffle the first throaty moan she couldn't hold back, and she gasped for breath just to let out another one. Jane couldn't see Maura, of course, but she could hear her, and her moans were high but quiet, and she was either trying to pant " _Jane_ " or " _Jesus_ " as she struggled to catch her breath. Either way, the sound sent another wave of orgasm through Jane, and another moan into her pillow.

When Jane's body finally sagged, she allowed the throw pillow to fall out of her grasp, and she groped for the button to turn the vibrator off as she tossed it aside. She lifted her head, blinking, to see Maura staring at her, mouth agape, the flush on her face and chest apparent, said chest still heaving. She grinned as she realized she was slouching so far down that just her face was still in the camera frame, and she sat back up, chuckling weakly. Maura echoed her laugh, gazing at Jane fondly, and they basked in the afterglow of their screens together.

Until Jane blinked and frowned. "What is that noise?" Maura's head cocked, but Jane had already found it. The vibrator she'd tossed aside onto her couch was still buzzing. Jane groaned and picked it back up, and cycled through all the speeds again until it was off, then looked at Maura and pointed at her with it. "Okay. Never again. I need a single off switch. This is cruel."

Maura burst into laughter again, and Jane shook the vibrator at her a few more times to emphasize her point, feeling her own smile spread onto her face, and her laughter start in her chest.

They said goodnight, and Jane microwaved a slice of sausage and onion pizza she didn't think was a week old yet before getting into bed.

They were out of touch for most of the next day, as both had plenty of things engaging their attention, but when Jane finished up at work in the afternoon, she needed something to do. So she decided to go to the gym and listen to at least one of the episodes Maura asked her to listen to.

Curiosity propelled her into an extra-long workout, as she wanted to figure out why Maura wanted her to hear the episode, and after she'd finished it, she was exhausted and still not sure what she was supposed to hear. So she went home to shower and change, plugging her phone into a Bluetooth speaker to listen in the shower and around the house as she ordered pizza and did some minor cleaning. Midway through this episode, though, she thought she knew what Maura wanted her to hear.

Dan's guest was a man who had recently written a book with his wife about evidence in human evolution that suggested that monogamy was not the hard-wired default for humans, and instead went against basic human nature. Jane felt uncertain as she listened, because she'd never understood the urge to cheat and had always been faithful to her partners, even in her mind (the women she'd thought about during sex for years didn't count, she reasoned, because they weren't specific people, and because she hadn't really realized she was fantasizing about them at the time). But she listened, and tried to keep an open mind.

That night on Skype, Jane asked, "Maura? Why'd you want me to listen to those two episodes?"

"Did you listen?" Maura asked.

"Yeah," Jane mumbled, "You wanted me to hear the scientist talk about monogamy, right?"

"Yes," Maura said, "Did what he said make sense to you?"

"Yeah, Maura, I get it. I understood what you meant before, about monogamy being hard for some people because of human nature. But what I'm trying to make you understand is that monogamy is _easy_ for me. I don't _want_ anyone else but you."

"Jane," Maura said, "I'm trying to tell you that monogamy is easy for me, too."

Jane tilted her head. "You are? Then why'd you have me listen to that idiot who is clearly wrong?"

Maura laughed a little, leaning more toward the camera. "Despite, or perhaps because of, my enjoyment of casual sex, I have little trouble making and keeping a monogamous commitment. There are things I've experienced in my life that make me know exactly how I feel about infidelity, and I am positive that I could never do such a thing to someone I love. However, I am also realistic, and I understand that the human sexual drive craves diversity."

"Okay," Jane drawled, "So what does that mean for you?"

"I wanted you to listen to the other episode because of the call about the girlfriend upset about her boyfriend looking at pornography. I hope you can recognize that her jealousy was irrational."

"Well, sure, all guys look at porn," Jane said dismissively. She knew too many men to even kid herself about that.

"And so do all girls. Well. Almost all girls, anyway," Maura corrected herself, nodding conciliatorily to Jane. "I merely want us to agree not to police each other's fantasy life. To understand that sometimes we may only have the energy to masturbate and to be understanding if we want to be alone to do that. I am going to consume pornography—maybe even genderqueer fisting pornography, you never know—and if you want me to hide it from you, I will. I love you, and I want to be faithful to you, and I want to satisfy my need for diversity in my mind. And I want you to know in advance that if you ever find someone else you want to fantasize about, that is okay." Maura's expression, which had been stern through most of her speech, softened into a smile at the end.

Jane's mind was reeling, and she thought of all the different people Maura had been with. She knew enough to know approximately that number, but Maura had never been precise, and the number of women was the bigger mystery. But out of all of them, Jane thought, Maura wanted to do this with her. She smirked, "So, I'm your best sex ever?"

Maura seemed to recoil, looking confused, "Where did you get that? I mean, it's absolutely true, but that's not the point I was trying to make. Are you deflecting?"

"Nope," Jane leaned forward, grinning, "I just cracked your code. Monogamy is easy for you because I'm your best sex ever." Jane leaned back while Maura rolled her eyes, clearly thinking Jane wasn't taking her seriously. "But I wouldn't dare try to tell you what to _think_ about. You," she waved her hand, "You have the capacity to be attracted to a lot of different people, and I've always accepted that about you, even though I'm…not. I dunno, it's rare for me. But I love that you have that capacity. I wouldn't want you to smother that."

"So, we're in agreement?" Maura asked.

"Of course."

Maura let out her breath. "I'm so glad. I was afraid you wouldn't understand."

"I totally got it once I realized I'm your best sex ever."

Maura laughed, "Like you ever had any doubt."

She really had never doubted it, but it was nice to be recognized as the winner.


	8. There is no settling down without some

_**There is no settling down without some settling for**_

For Maura, the discussion of monogamy felt like a big step in their relationship, and was a step she had never taken before. For the few longer-term relationships she'd had, they may have gotten to the use of terms like boyfriend or girlfriend and therefore assumed monogamy, but she'd never actually discussed what that meant with a partner. It felt like a step toward her future with Jane, a reassurance of their potential for longevity.

In practical terms, it seemed like the strongest commitment she'd ever made, even though she had discussed marriage with two college boyfriends and had come very close to attempting that kind of long-term commitment with one of them. Maura realized, and not for the first time, that she wanted to marry Jane, though the logical part of her realized it was too soon to even consider it.

Still, though, it was easy to think about. Throughout their friendship, they'd already discussed most things couples should, they knew one another's families, and they'd already experienced some very emotional conflicts and come through stronger. On paper, they were very strong candidates for marriage, and more than that, Maura's intestines, which she typically didn't listen to, agreed.

Affection between the two of them was veering into slightly inappropriate in front of other people, but Maura couldn't bring herself to feel very self-conscious about it. She was basking in the feeling of closeness between them, partially, for Maura, due to that important relationship step, but realistically most of the passion probably stemmed from Maura's return to town.

Early that week, Jane came down to spend lunch with her, but somehow, before they could even start eating, Maura had Jane pinned against her locked office door. The blinds were already closed in anticipation of giving them some privacy for lunch, although Maura hadn't anticipated on needing this much privacy. But something about Jane sauntering into her office made Maura unable to resist.

"Hi," she breathed, as she pulled back from their intense kiss. "You look great today."

Jane laughed, "I look the same as I did this morning at your house," she pointed out.

"Exactly," Maura grinned, playing with the lapel of Jane's jacket before smoothing it back in place.

Jane kissed her forehead and rested her hands against Maura's hips, clearly not in a hurry to eat. "Well, we have a lunch hour," Jane pointed out, her voice dropping low, "We could do more than just eat…lunch."

"You're insatiable," Maura whispered in Jane's ear, letting her lips graze the sensitive lobe, "I'm still recovering from last night."

Jane swallowed a whimper, "I missed you, and work is boring today," she breathed, "My mind started wandering to last night an hour or so ago."

Maura smirked, "So is this lunch, or a booty call?"

"You're the one who pounced on me as soon as I walked in the door," Jane raised her eyebrows challengingly.

"True," Maura conceded, "I'm certainly not opposed to…more than lunch," she dropped her eyes to Jane's lips, then leaned in to kiss her. Jane grunted against her mouth, pulling her closer. Maura let her hand travel over Jane's torso, tracing over the shape of her breasts and the plane of her abs through her shirt. Jane leaned back against the door, her hands running over Maura's back and hips, keeping her close.

Maura allowed her hand to move lower, pressing firmly between Jane's legs, and despite the layers of clothing between them, Jane pressed back against her and moaned softly, her mouth disengaging with Maura's to catch her breath. "Do it quick," Jane whispered, "Do it now." Her mouth reconnected wildly with Maura's, enough that their teeth bumped.

Maura felt a surge of excitement move through her at Jane's words, and instantly moved her hands to Jane's belt. She was sure she was typically more adept at this, but her hands fumbled, prompting Jane to kiss the top of her head affectionately. But Maura recovered quickly and had Jane's pants unfastened in a few more moments. She glanced up, needing to see Jane's face, as her hand slid into Jane's panties.

" _Yes_ ," Jane got out quietly, her legs spreading, weight on the door. Maura stroked through wetness with her fingers, kissing Jane's neck until Jane tipped her head down to meet her lips.

They were still kissing, Jane suppressing little whimpers, when there was a knock on the door.

Maura's hand stopped, and Jane froze, stiffening. "Dr. Isles?" came Susie's voice, "Am I interrupting anything?"

Maura hesitated, "Yes, actually, Susie, I apologize, but I'd like to finish my lunch."

"I see. My apologies, Doctor," she responded, amusement in her voice.

Jane stared at Maura, mouth hanging open, as they listened to her walk away. "Oh my _God_ , she knows exactly what we're doing in here." Her eyelids fluttered shut as Maura's fingers began stroking again.

"Then why stop?" Maura asked, moving her fingers back to press inside Jane, just a little.

"Good point," Jane swallowed.

Maura continued the motions of her fingers, gradually pressing further inside Jane until she was deep enough to curl them. Her thumb pressed against Jane's clit. Jane's hips were moving now, with Maura's hand. The angle was a little awkward, hardly ideal, the motion of both her fingers and her thumb limited by lack of space, but given the way Jane was already clenching around her fingers, Maura had a feeling it wasn't going to matter much. This wouldn't take long.

Jane was panting, eyes unfocused and wild, her hands touching Maura randomly, without much purpose. Maura realized that perhaps Jane needed something to ground her in the moment.

"What were you thinking about at your desk earlier that got you this wet?" she murmured, trying to catch Jane's eye.

Jane sucked in her breath and held it, eyes closing. She breathed out, speaking through a tight jaw, "Remembering…how you looked…how it felt…when I made you come. _God_."

"You made me come so hard," Maura whimpered. Jane's head tipped back against the door. Her eyes were still closed, but her jaw was parted now. "You always do," Maura spoke again, encouraged by the way Jane's body was relaxing into hers.

"The way you arched," Jane got out, the almost non sequitur making Maura's heart pound with the memory of her climax. Her lips latched onto Jane's earlobe as her fingers continued curling, pressing, until moments later, the lurch of Jane's hips signaled the beginning of her orgasm. Maura moved her head back to watch and brought up her other hand to cover Jane's mouth gently, and felt Jane's stuttered moans against her palm in rhythm with the tightening around Maura's fingers, as Jane kept her weight against the door, hips thrusting. Maura could see the pounding of her pulse in her jugular, the heaving of her chest through her t-shirt, and watched Jane uncoil as her orgasm slowly abated.

She removed her hand from Jane's gasping mouth, and Jane grabbed her, pulling her in close for a kiss. Maura's fingers were still inside her, stationary now, and her mouth caught Jane's moan as she slowly pulled her hand out of Jane's pants. Between kisses, she refastened Jane's pants and belt and smoothed her jacket, while Jane grinned at her, passive and hazy.

"Thanks," Jane finally said.

"The pleasure was also mine," Maura smiled, kissing Jane again. "Did that help you work up an appetite?"

"Definitely," Jane murmured, pushing herself off the door, "Lunch?"

Their lunch felt like much more of a date than normal, given that they couldn't stop grinning at each other and making excuses to touch each other. By the time Jane went back upstairs, there was a certain saunter to her stride that Maura was sure completely intimated her recent orgasm.

And as Jane left, it connected for Maura that this had been a huge step for Jane, too, and she wasn't even sure Jane was aware of it. But the way Jane had initiated, even if Maura's physical attention was a good indication that it would be welcome, and the relative ease with which Jane negotiated for her own pleasure, even when Maura wasn't interested in an orgasm herself. Maura was sure that Jane was probably desperately horny, which was the reason for most of it, but she was proud of Jane for being able to own her desires in the moment, and to be able to accept what Maura was able to give without getting hung up on reciprocation as she usually did.

And, of course, sexually confident Jane Rizzoli was a turn-on all on its own. As Maura continued with her day, thoughts of Jane consumed much of her passive attention, until the mid-afternoon, when Maura excused herself to her office, closed the blinds, and indulged in a quick orgasm.

In the afterglow, Maura enjoyed the hazy delight and allowed her thoughts to roam with the idea of Jane. Fantasizing in the moment, Maura indulged a longing inside her to be disgustingly domestic with Jane. Even more so than they already were.

At home that evening, as dinner was in the oven, Maura asked Jane, "Not to sound like your mother, but what do you think about kids?"

Jane squinted at Maura over a sip of her beer. "Is there a particular reason you're asking?"

"Merely because your viewpoint has been a bit inconsistent over the course of our friendship and this is something we should make sure we agree on before we make any kind of commitment to each other."

Jane blinked, "I…guess I thought we already had? And didn't we already commit to each other?"

Maura nodded, "We committed to monogamy, which is not the same thing as committing to a lifelong partnership. I understand both are important to you, and therefore, they are important to me in this relationship. And we talked about children in a particular circumstance, but not in general."

Jane shrugged and looked thoughtful, but ultimately all she did was sigh and say, "I don't know. I guess…I've wanted them before."

"I suspected you might. But I don't think you always let yourself want them."

"Maybe," Jane grunted noncommittally, "Because I also know it just might not happen for me and I need to be fine with that, too."

"It could happen for us. If you want it to."

Jane tilted her head thoughtfully, regarding Maura, "What about you? Did you ever freeze your eggs?"

"I did," Maura confirmed. "Generally I am somewhat ambivalent about children. I worry that I wouldn't be sufficiently maternal. But it's something I think I would find deeply gratifying to do with you."

Jane smiled, but her eyes were still troubled. "Me, too." She sighed, "I just…I guess I wasn't ready to think about it yet. I always just think, I'll have kids later. I don't want to sacrifice everything I've worked so hard for, not yet."

"Jane," Maura spoke softly but deliberately, "I'm not asking you to have kids right now."

"I know, but…we're not getting any younger, Maura. I don't want to be like the weird old…lesbians…at the PTA." Jane hesitated over the label, and said it quickly. Maura could almost hear her mouth try to swallow it. Maura was so delighted by hearing Jane describe them as lesbians that she couldn't even bring herself to correct Jane that technically she was bisexual. Though given that Maura would now consider herself mostly homoamorous, the lesbian label didn't necessarily bother her.

"We still have time," Maura reassured. "We can freeze your eggs, too. We could have surrogates. We could adopt." Jane smiled warmly at Maura at the suggestion, though the fact was, Maura was selfishly conflicted about the idea. "We don't need to do anything now. I just want to know we are on the same page. It's something we'd like to do together."

"But if it never happens, because of career or whatever, we'll be fine, too?" Jane asked.

"Yes. We'll be fine if that happens, too."

"Good," Jane mumbled, "Because I'm not ready to share you with anyone yet, and I don't know if I'll ever be." She met Maura's eye, "Today in your office was…really hot. But I'm thinking it might feel less hot if it's the only time we ever get to ourselves.'

Maura laughed, "Don't be silly. Your mother lives in the guest house. We'll have a very reliable babysitter for whenever we need some time alone."

"Yeah, and that's the other thing. We'll never, ever escape my mother if we give her grandchildren. And I'm not ready to share you with her yet, either. The fact that you basically live together is bad enough."

"Does that mean you'll never want to live here?"

Jane sighed. "Oh, it'll happen," she admitted, "But for now, I still want some of my own space. I hope that…doesn't make me a bad girlfriend."

"It definitely does not. I know the stereotype is that queer women move in together very quickly, but it is not required. I understand your need for independence and privacy. Though I will point out that I would be happy to make a private space for you in this home."

"I still say that there is no private space in a home my mother has access to. But thanks. I know I'm going to love living here, when I'm ready."

The trajectory of their relationship, then, was agreed upon, and for Maura, that was good enough for now. And, truthfully, maintaining status quo was comfortable for Maura, too. In spite of her desires to merge their lives, Maura knew that domesticity was a challenge for both of them. Jane had been made deeply uncomfortable by Casey's attempts to live in her world, and though Maura had always assumed that her discomfort was indicative of her uncertainties about being with Casey in general, Maura also knew that Jane was simply an independent person.

And of course, Maura was, too. In spite of the fact that Jane practically lived in her house, it was _still_ Maura's house, and her decisions and desires had primacy. Sharing the space, she knew, meant sharing that control. The thought of making space for more of Jane's belongings in the master bedroom made Maura a bit anxious. Though she knew that someday she would happily make that move, she also knew that her fantasies about it were currently clouded by the haze of new love. Domesticity might be hard for them. Living together, separately, was great, for now.

They could take care of each other the way they always had, until they were ready to merge their lives further.

.

The relationship felt good and comfortable for Jane, and as it continued, she remained feeling attached to Maura at the same time that she felt independent. That had always been more difficult in her other relationships, for whatever reason. Perhaps it was simply gender; it was easier to feel close to Maura since gender roles didn't give Jane a blueprint to fall short of or to rebel against. Jane had never felt like she had much to offer Casey since he was somehow both a soldier and a homemaker. Though Jane had to admit she felt like she might be the "man" in her relationship with Maura, she also knew it was silly to put it in those term, and that even if she were, it didn't matter, because it worked for them.

Yet their relationship also involved pushing into one another's comfort zones, and Jane knew that eventually she would need to set aside her discomfort with merging households and create a new household with Maura. She knew it would help them both grow, help their relationship grow, but Jane wasn't ready. It was mostly her desire to stay independent, but financial concerns also dominated.

The truth was, Jane liked being a cop in part because she didn't make a lot of money doing it. There was pride, perhaps foolish pride, associated with the fact that she still put her life on the line almost every day for such a modest yearly salary. To Jane, it made the moral merits of her job stand out, which helped her continue to decide to do the right thing, and an irrational part of Jane worried that in merging her finances with Maura, that moral sense would be clouded.

If Jane's financial worries were over, would she still be so proud to be a detective?

It was probably silly, she told herself, because since Maura had become her best friend, Jane had received benefits from her wealth, and so far, she hadn't lost sight of what was important about her job. But she was still paying rent, still maintaining her own residence, and some months, her budget was still tight. Jane didn't know how it would feel to be a blue collar Boston Italian detective if she married into money, and she wasn't ready to find out.

But while Jane wasn't ready to have her domestic boundaries pushed, she was still striving to broaden her sexual horizons with Maura. However, it had gotten to the point that they'd done most things together that they'd talked about. Not that sex had gotten stale—it certainly hadn't—but Jane was beginning to feel comfortable with their sexual repertoire, and was wondering if sex would ever feel scary again.

She thought to the beginning of their relationship, to that pre-relationship period where they talked about sex and kink and how nervous Jane was about all of it. How nervous she was about nudity, about the vulnerability of orgasm with another person, about feeling good in another person's hands. And all of that nervousness was pretty much gone…except when Jane thought of Maura enjoying bondage.

In all honesty, she'd mostly forgotten that Maura's confession of enjoying light bondage was pretty much the impetus of their relationship, and when it resurfaced now, Jane felt that cold knot in her stomach, and she hoped, fervently, that this wasn't a sexual boundary she would have to cross.

But being as close to Maura as she was, it wasn't long before that anxiety, too, was out in the open. It bothered Jane all day one day, but Maura seemed to sense some moodiness, and gave Jane space. She made dinner when Jane came over that evening, but didn't push for conversation over a relatively quiet meal. She seemed surprised when Jane asked to stay over. Jane snuggled up to Maura that evening in bed, as Maura finishing reading something on her tablet, but after a few moments, Maura put her reading aside and slipped an arm around Jane. "What's been bothering you today?" she finally asked.

"It's stupid," Jane grunted, pushing her face against Maura's shoulder.

"It can't be that stupid," Maura reasoned, "You've been irritable all day. Are you menstruating?" she looked thoughtful for a moment, and Jane realized she was trying to gauge how much time had passed since Jane's last period.

"Oh my _God_ ," Jane groaned. She slung an arm around Maura and pinched her side, "No, stop. That's not it."

Maura wriggled, a laugh escaping, and she grabbed Jane's hand. "Then what is it?"

Jane sighed, turning her head to rest on Maura's shoulder. She stared past Maura's breasts to the wall. "I was just…thinking about some of the things you're into." She felt Maura exhale, sensing tension already, and hurried on, "To be your…GGG lover, would I have to…you know…would we have to do bondage?"

Maura breathed in, slower now, and Jane relaxed a little. Her heart was still thudding in anticipation of Maura's response, but Maura seemed merely pensive. A few breaths later, and Maura said quietly, "This is something I know that I enjoy. What I don't know is whether it's something I need to do to feel fulfilled sexually. I admit I do think about it sometimes. Fantasize a little, maybe reflect on times in my past that it has been very gratifying. But I don't know if I've felt that _need_ to do it with you. I would like to, but as to whether I require it? Only time will tell. I may never need to ask you for it, or I may decide I do need it, and we may have to discuss how I can have it in my life if you can't do it."

Jane felt her stomach turn cold and sink. She swallowed and buried her face in Maura's neck, tightening her arm around her middle. "I'm scared you'll need it and I won't be able to do it."

Maura's hand found the back of Jane's head, and Jane felt soothing nails scratch lightly over her scalp. "I may not," Maura said, and Jane felt her shrug, "Or it may be that fantasy will always be enough for me. Just rest assured, I don't want to you to do something that leaves you feeling terrible."

Jane didn't feel any better. There was still that possibility, that Maura couldn't even answer, that there may come a day when she would need something Jane couldn't provide. The hurt bubbled over, "I just don't even know how you could want something like that. I've _been_ tied up, Maura. It wasn't fun." Her voice broke a little on the last word, and she swallowed and pressed her face more firmly against Maura's neck and shoulder.

Both of Maura's arms were around her now, though Maura didn't move her shoulder out from under Jane. She could feel tension in Maura's body, yet her arms were stroking Jane's hair, her back, her arm. Jane was sure she'd hurt Maura, and guilt welled up, but a little angry part of her also wanted to hear how Maura could possibly defend against _that_.

So Jane inhaled, swallowed her apology, and waited.

"I don't expect you to understand why I enjoy it," Maura finally said softly, "Giving up control…doesn't appeal to you the way it does to me. Vulnerability doesn't appeal to you. Even pretending to do both of those things—which is what bondage truly is, pretending—doesn't appeal to you because you have been helpless and vulnerable in ways I haven't, in ways loaded with non-consensual elements of eroticism."

Jane shuddered, angrily fighting off tears, and Maura's fingers massaged the base of her neck. Jane felt calmer, and regained control of her breathing.

"The secret to bondage is, though, that you always have the power to change the ending. I find giving that gift of my physical power, so easily rescinded, very exhilarating. The reason I would want to do it with you is that I've never trusted anyone more. I've never felt safer with anyone. I would never ask you to relive something traumatic, and if that hard limit extends to tying me up, too, then I'll never ask it of you. I only ask that you keep an open mind about the fact that I may need this, someday. We both know that no two people can be a perfect sexual match, and if this is our disconnect, maybe we can compromise about it, if necessary."

It wasn't their only disconnect, Jane knew, though it seemed Maura was polite enough not to discuss the other things she'd expressed she wanted to try that Jane hadn't been able to enact. Jane thought about Maura, admitting to thinking back fondly on bondage experience with other partners, and felt a surge of jealousy. How could she be Maura's best sex ever if she couldn't do this? Though logically, she never expected to be sole performer in all of Maura's fantasies, it bothered her that there was a whole section of Maura's erotic life that other people had touched, but she had not.

Jane lifted her head and kissed Maura, gently, trying to soothe the tension the conversation had produced between them. She sighed and rested her forehead on Maura's, "I wish that I didn't have this… _thing_ that it reminds me of."

Maura kissed her, soothing, and held her close, but Jane knew there was nothing else to really say. There were only facts. Maura wanted this, preferably with her. Maura would never ask for it. Maura might someday ask to seek it out in other ways. Jane had horrendous experiences that had been disempowering and an assault, and these experiences held her back from something she wished she could do.

It was the wish, that desire to please Maura that caught Jane's attention. If it had not been present, there would have been little purpose in dwelling on the sexual disconnect. But Jane wished she could, because this wasn't like watersports, which Maura had done for someone else, or even the interest in shoes, which was still theoretical: it was a part of Maura's sexual history that was fulfilling for her. Jane wanted to fulfill her any way that she could.

So, the question was, could she?

Jane leaned on this idea for several weeks, teasing out her feelings. Letting the anxiety and fear and disgust roll through her belly as she thought about the situation, trying to resolve what it meant. She sought out podcast episodes about bondage, tried to listen to advice for others about going somewhere sexually that they didn't think they could, but it didn't quite seem applicable to Jane's predicament.

It took several weeks of thinking about her feelings to realize that, while she would never want Maura or anyone to tie her up, no matter how much Maura might enjoy it, that the feelings she had about tying Maura up were different. They were related to Jane's experience a little bit, but that was mostly irrelevant. It boiled down to Jane being disappointed that Maura had this desire to begin with. When she had first heard that Maura might be into bondage, it hadn't thrilled her, but it hadn't really bothered her either, because she hadn't been expected to participate. But when she was asked, when she fell short, Jane felt not good enough, and she tried to make Maura stop wanting it.

Unconsciously, Jane had brought up her history of trauma to stop the conversation, to absolve herself, and a little part of her had hoped to shame Maura out of wanting this thing that Jane was scared of, and Jane was ashamed that she had been so selfish.

Even recognizing this wasn't enough, however, because Jane had real anxieties about this, and she was still trying to figure out _why_. It was more than simply fear of failure; she'd pushed through enough of that during sexual exploration with Maura that it hardly seemed possible.

But Jane didn't know how it would feel to step into that role of someone who would tie Maura up, and honestly, she was afraid what it would mean if she enjoyed it. Would it mean she, too, had a cruel, sadistic side, so like the criminals she chased? And what would it mean if she hated it? What would happen if seeing Maura that way made Jane feel disgusted?

After wrestling with it for awhile, not obsessively, but during free moments when it crossed her mind, Jane decided she should see what it was like to have Maura tied up, to see how that felt. She needed to know what it would look like and feel like before she could decide to really do it.

Still, it was with a lot of reluctance and trepidation that Jane was even able to broach the subject with Maura, almost two months after the most recent discussion of bondage. But she knew they needed time to talk about it before enacting it, so Jane ended up bringing it up during a car ride to a crime scene.

"I want to try tying you up," she blurted, "But just tying you up."

Maura clearly didn't know how to respond at first, and Jane felt glad that she had the road to pay attention to, though even as she stopped at a stoplight, she refused to glance over. "Okay," Maura finally responded, "I would like to do that with you. What are the parameters?"

Jane tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, still staring at the light, waiting for it to turn. She kept her voice steady, unexpressive. "I don't really want it to be anything sexual. I just need to see what it's like, to see you that way." She stole a glance at Maura, needing to ensure she was listening to this next part, "It's important that we don't take it further. Like, if we like it and want to do something, I'll need to untie you first. That's what I need this first time to be like."

Maura looked back at her, expression serious, but her eyes were alight and eager. "Those sounds like very reasonable boundaries. Thank you for clearly expressing them."

Jane shrugged, ready to move past the conversation. "Yeah," she grunted, focusing on the road again. She already felt antsy, a feeling that persisted through the day, though she couldn't help but notice that Maura seemed positively cheerful.

The case itself wasn't too difficult, and the team quickly pulled together enough evidence to bring someone into custody, which meant that by the evening, Jane and Maura were heading back to Maura's house without much to weigh on their minds.

Jane figured she'd better mentally prepare and finished half a bottle of Peroni in one pull. Maura paused opening a bottle of wine to watch her, and Jane drew a hand across her mouth, suppressing a burp. "What's for dinner?" she asked, instinctively deflecting.

"I was thinking fried zucchini over linguini," Maura continued opening the wine, then asked conversationally, "Are you nervous?"

"About dinner?" Jane asked, taking another long pull, "Of course not."

Maura shot her a glance. "Well, I know pasta doesn't scare you. I'm, of course, referring to bondage." Jane shrugged noncommittally. "We don't _have_ to do it tonight, just because we talked about it today," Maura said reassuringly.

"No," Jane mumbled, "I just want to get it over with."

"Okay," Maura conceded, and, clearly hoping to keep Jane engaged and distracted, she thrust a cutting board at her. "Help me chop the zucchini?"

Jane did her best to help Maura prepare dinner, honestly grateful for something to do with her hands other than bring her beer bottle to her mouth. By the time she and Maura sat down to eat, Jane had been distracted enough to relax a little and they bantered and chatted over the meal like usual. But once she was loading the dishwasher, Jane started to realize what was about to happen, and her stomach flipped anxiously.

"Shall we head upstairs?" Maura asked after re-corking her wine bottle.

"Okay," Jane shrugged, and a part of her was almost relieved to feel so nervous about a sexual encounter again. There was something exhilarating about exploring like this with Maura. Jane had always assumed she knew herself, but she was still learning so much about who she was and what she could do and how she loved. And only Maura could see inside of her. Only Maura could make her feel this way.

Jane followed Maura upstairs, intent on discovery and exploration, nervous as hell but thrilled by it.

In the bedroom, Maura disappeared into her closet, while Jane lingered near the bed uncertainly. "Don't we need to go buy some rope or something?" she asked. Maura had given her almost no indication of what to expect.

"No," Maura called back, "I have something else we can use. Rope bondage is fairly difficult and carries a higher risk of accidentally hurting the person being restrained."

"But you have that rope bondage book," Jane replied, confused. She was starting to get curious about what Maura was doing in the closet, and edged closer.

"That's more of an art book to me than anything," Maura replied, "I've never tried to use rope and I don't have the experience or knowledge necessary to guide you. Perhaps one day I'll study it." And just as Jane was feeling impatient enough to barge in, Maura strode out, in matching underwear, holding something in her hand. Jane was too busy staring at Maura's cleavage to take note of what she was holding until Maura stopped in front of her. "These cuffs are what I prefer to use. They're comfortable and safe, and since they're not connected to each other, they're versatile." She passed one to Jane, who turned it in her hand, examining it.

It was brown leather, thicker than a man's watchband, and buckled like a belt. Worn by itself, it could pass for an accessory, similar to something Jane might have worn in high school. Jane frowned at it, "Wait, so you already had these? Like, you've used them before?"

"Well, yes," Maura replied, brow furrowed.

Jane felt an uncomfortable drop in her stomach. "With other people?" she asked dully.

Maura cracked a smile, "Bondage by myself really isn't very exciting, and also, can be very dangerous. So, yes."

"I don't…" Jane struggled to find words, "Can't we use something new?"

Maura looked confused, "Are you really squeamish about this? They've only been around _my_ wrists, if that helps."

Truthfully, that was of some comfort, but Jane couldn't shake the feeling that the essence or presence of Maura's former lovers might be somehow embedded in the leather of the cuffs. "It's just…we got all new sex toys together, so I thought…you know…maybe that's how it should be."

"We got all new sex toys because I was trying to find the strap-on that would best fulfill _your_ fantasies," Maura pointed out, "And besides, I didn't own a strap-on already. If I had, chances are we would've used it."

"That just seems…gross," Jane muttered.

"I've used my breasts with other people," Maura pointed out, pushing her arms in to emphasize her cleavage, "And my genitals."

"Yeah, but…" Jane couldn't come up with a good response, possibly because the sight of Maura's cleavage was even more distracting, and the only emotional response to the thought of other people touching Maura's breasts was that Jane wanted to reclaim them.

"Sex toys can be cleaned just like the human body," Maura argued, but her tone was soft, not accusatory, "If my body feels to you like it's just for you and I—which it is—my accessories should, too. Especially ones that don't tend to get any bodily fluids on them."

"I guess that's reasonable," Jane agreed quietly.

"If you truly believe you won't be able to look past this, I can order another set," Maura offered, giving Jane one last chance to back out.

"No," Jane said, and her voice came out stronger than she expected. "I want to do this. Tonight."

A slow smile spread over her face, and Maura held out a wrist. "Buckle one onto me?" she asked quietly.

Jane gently wrapped a cuff around Maura's wrist, buckling it. Instinctively, she slid her fingers between the cuff and Maura's wrist, making sure it wasn't too tight. Maura caught her eye and smiled warmly.

"I should've known you'd have the foresight to make sure it wasn't too tight." Maura's voice was warm, proud, and she wiggled her fingers to emphasize her point, then handed Jane the other cuff and held out her wrist. Jane buckled the other, and checked it, then took in the sight of Maura, in her underwear, with two thick leather cuffs about her wrists.

So far, it wasn't that bad, she mused.

Maura held out the other item, which Jane had been assuming might be a blindfold or something. Jane took it. It was flowy, silky, like a scarf. "These cuffs don't have anything to attach them," Maura explained, "But I like to use scarves. They're soft enough that they're generally easier to tie and untie. Just something like a square knot on either cuff should be sufficient." She held her arms out to Jane, who looped the end of the scarf through the metal ring attached to one cuff, tied it, and then repeated the action. Maura stood before her, wrists bound together. She pulled, testing the strength, and nodded. "Help me onto the bed?" she asked.

Jane obliged, taking Maura by the elbow and steadying her as she climbed up. She stood by the bed and watched as Maura took position at the head of the bed, leaning back against pillows. "What now?" Jane asked, mouth a little dry.

"Well, bondage can mean many different things. For instance, we could have decided to bind each of my wrists to the headboard, separately. But for now," Maura reached over her head with both hands and gripped the headboard above her, "I will hold onto the headboard and you…" she paused, "You should look at me. You can come closer. Do whatever you need to do to explore this."

Jane's heart was already thudding, because actually, Maura looked _good_. Ample skin was on display, her cleavage looked incredible. Jane circled the bed, taking her in, while Maura watched her, a flush slowly creeping up her skin.

Exploration, Jane reminded herself. This was about exploration.

She eased her way onto the bed slowly, as if afraid Maura would bolt. She didn't want to look away from Maura, her eyes focused mostly on her face and chest. As she knelt on the bed next to her, Jane took in her whole body, starting at her feet, which were, of course, not bound. Which was good, Jane thought. She wouldn't want them to be bound, she didn't think. She followed the smooth skin of Maura's legs up to her panties, elegantly cut, simple, striking, black panties. She skimmed over Maura's belly and let her eyes linger on her cleavage again for just a moment, but the lines of Maura's body drew Jane's eyes further up, following her arms above her head, framing Maura's face as she bit her lip.

As much as she liked Maura's arms in general, their shape, lean and strong, and the way they felt soft around Jane's body, there was something very appealing about them now, held aloft. Jane could see the tension in Maura's forearms as she gripped the headboard. She liked how small Maura's wrists looked in contrast, liked how the cuffs made Maura look both strong enough to need restraint yet vulnerable.

Something occurred to Jane, then, when she reflected on Maura's vulnerability. For Maura, this was about giving up power, giving up control, but right now, she was merely inconvenienced by her hands being bound together, and she was choosing the placement of her arms. So Jane murmured, "This really isn't bondage, is it? Not until I do something like…this." And she reached forward, placing her palm directly over the silk scarf connecting the cuffs.

There was a sharp intake of breath, and Jane settled her weight onto her palm. She felt the first attempt of Maura's to push back, tentative, and Jane stayed firm as Maura pushed harder, though neither of them were actually struggling. Maura sagged moments later, her cheeks even more flushed. She was breathing fast, smirking lightly. Jane looked down at her, drawn to the way her breast heaved and to the obvious pleasure in Maura's expression.

"So," Jane drawled, as she was beginning to understand the appeal, "You can't touch me, unless I let you. But I can touch you." She reached down with her other hand, fingers splaying over Maura's stomach. Maura tugged at her restraints just a little, but Jane held her fast, feeling her breaths in her stomach growing faster, more excited.

Jane dragged her hand up, and just as it settled, cupping a breast, Maura gasped out, "Scalia."

It took Jane a moment to even process what Maura said, but as soon as she understood the safe word, she felt like she had come out of a trance, and everything came into crystal focus. She couldn't even come up with words as she reached for Maura's cuffs and freed both wrists as quickly as she could. She leaned back, holding the cuffs, still bound by the scarf, and watching as Maura sat up unsteadily. "Are…you okay?" Jane finally asked, heart hammering.

"Yes," Maura replied, "But I knew you didn't want our first encounter with bondage to be sexual, and it was becoming far too erotic for me. Our safe word was the only thing I could trust myself to say to stop you."

Jane blushed as she realized just how heated things had been getting. She had to admit, she had _liked_ having that control over Maura. Not for the thrill of a power trip, or necessarily to feel in control of Maura, but just because it gave her the leverage she needed to take her time giving Maura pleasure. Without Maura to change the direction of their encounter, Jane could explore, find new ways to make Maura experience even more pleasure.

She liked having Maura at her mercy, but not to take from her, but to give to her.

And maybe that's what it was like for a lot of people who enjoyed restraining their partners. Jane had no way to know, but she assumed there were often darker motives at play—though she had to admit, her job probably gave her a bias. But she was exhilarated by the possibilities she now saw before her.

She kissed Maura, then, the cuffs falling forgotten next to her on the bed. It was a heated kiss, but not messy or desperate. It was a kiss of gratitude and of apology.

And Jane remembered Maura talking about changing the ending, and thought back to another conversation. She'd asked Maura about her nightmares, about whether she might have PTSD, and Maura had advised her to change the endings of her nightmares.

Maybe, being the one to untie Maura, to give Maura back her freedom, would allow Jane to work through other nightmares that plagued her. The nightmares where she was too late to rescue Maura from someone who wanted to hurt her. Maybe having the power to obey Maura's safe word to keep her secure would let Jane atone for all the times she didn't keep Maura safe enough. They would both have the power the change the ending.

Jane was started to realize why Maura felt that power exchange could be freeing, though she was fairly certain they still didn't see it in quite the same way. But she knew enough that when she pulled her lips from Maura's and rested their foreheads together, she was able to say, "I think I can do this for you."

"That's wonderful," Maura grinned, glancing up at her. "Another time, though. Right now, I just need to touch you."

Jane melted into the embrace that bore them both down onto the bed, reveling in the feeling of Maura's arms around her. It was her turn to feel safe, and she basked in the feeling.


	9. There is no the One only Close Enough

_**There is no "the One;" only "Close Enough to Round Up to One"**_

Maura wanted to be patient, because she knew just how far she had pushed Jane already with regard to bondage. Getting Jane to the point of being willing to try it in a sexual setting had not been an outcome Maura was truly expecting, and now, Maura didn't want to push Jane too hard. But it was difficult when she would remember the image of Jane hovering over her, holding her binds in place and smirking down at her. When that thought surfaced, Maura wanted nothing more than to be in that position again. The feeling of transference of her power in that moment had been intoxicating.

But she also knew Jane's struggle with this had been raw and taxing, so patience won out, and in the meantime, she had terrific fantasy fodder.

And even though Jane's dominance in the moment had been extremely erotic, the experience itself wasn't really about that for Maura. Like she told Jane, it was more about trust and vulnerability. Maura didn't necessarily feel submissive when she was restrained, and she wasn't specifically looking to be dominated; there was certainly a fine line in which domination switched suddenly from arousing to repulsive for her. But she did feel as though she was in someone else's hands, and when she trusted that person…that was bliss. It felt like the one moment in time in which Maura allowed herself to _not_ think. She just experienced. She didn't have to think of what might come next in the encounter, because it wasn't up to her, and as long as nothing she specifically didn't want was happening, she was just along for the ride.

This was why it was so important that she actually do this with Jane someday. Maura knew that, in Jane's hands, this bliss would be magnified. Jane knew her better than any of her lovers, they'd talked much more extensively about what they enjoyed, and ceding her power and her very _thoughts_ to Jane's will felt like the safest, sanest thing she'd ever done. Her line of work often planted just enough doubt in her other partners to dampen the mood a bit. With Jane, she had complete trust, a rare thing that Maura couldn't wait to indulge.

The binds themselves were more of a symbol of powerlessness than anything, but despite that, they worked, and they brought Maura to that blissful headspace. She had tried and enjoyed having her feet bound, but really, all she needed were her hands immobilized, useless, and she would succumb.

A few weeks of fantasy, and no word from Jane about bondage, and Maura was beginning to wonder if it was safe to bring up the topic yet. She rehearsed a few different ways in her head as she fell asleep that night, while Jane spooned her, breathing already slow and content.

She woke up a few hours later from a light kick to her lower leg. She frowned and turned over. Jane could occasionally be a restless sleeper, or a restless not-sleeper. Maura tended to rest well in bed with Jane, but this happened every once in awhile. Mostly it would be Jane, half-awake, struggling to find a comfortable position, sometimes she would still be asleep. And sometimes, Maura would wake up to use the bathroom in the night to find Jane already awake, staring at the ceiling. But right now, Jane's eyes were shut, her brow furrowed, her lips moving soundlessly.

"Jane," Maura whispered, "Are you alright?"

Jane's eyes opened, huge and blinking, and her hand groped for Maura's arm. She swallowed. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" Her voice was rough, but steady.

"Yes, but it's okay." Maura settled down next to her, still unsure if it was safe to touch Jane.

But Jane grabbed Maura's arm and pulled it over her stomach. Maura squeezed. "Sorry," Jane muttered.

"Don't worry," Maura said quietly, moving closer, already drifting back to sleep. She knew not to ask if Jane had been dreaming. Most of the time, Jane didn't remember anything, or at least that's what she said. Sometimes, her restless sleep was because of some ridiculous dream about playing baseball. Once, she'd woken up, already on high alert, due to a dream in which she'd been battling a cavewoman with wild hair wearing black and white face paint.

Maura knew Jane still had nightmares, and that was to be expected, with everything she had been through. But she didn't try to force Jane to talk about them. When she blinked opened her eyes what felt like a few minutes later, Jane was breathing deeply beside her, Maura's arm still slung over her middle. Maura smiled and drifted back to sleep.

In the morning, Maura scrapped her rehearsed requests for bondage. Not knowing what had made Jane restless in the night, she didn't want to risk an insensitive suggestion. But Jane appeared fairly upbeat that morning, at least after her first cup of coffee. Their outlook on work appeared uneventful for them both so far, and although they knew that could easily change in a moment, it meant they lingered over breakfast a little.

Jane had several tells, and as they lingered, Maura was beginning to pick up on one. The nature of her eye contact changed in a subtle way when Jane was interested in sex. It was difficult to describe precisely what the orbicularis oculi did to indicate this, but Maura was beginning to notice it. She was starting to wonder if Jane's restless dream had been something not traumatizing, but erotic.

And when it was time for a shower, on a whim, Maura invited Jane to join her in her own bathroom.

Typically, they didn't shower at the same time, and most of the time, Maura preferred to do so alone. She had a routine she liked to follow, and having to accommodate someone else's use of the water disrupted her flow. Jane appeared to think along the same lines, as she'd never objected to using the guest room shower when she stayed over. But there were times Maura was willing to share her shower, and the strong possibility of a quickie before work definitely qualified.

Besides, in the back of her mind, Maura had filed away Jane's desire to bathe together, intending to enact it someday, probably on a cold night. This wasn't a bath, but it was similar, and Maura knew Jane would probably enjoy it. She was pretty sure she would, too, even if she had to share her showerhead.

Jane followed her into the bathroom, and Maura began to undress, placing clothes into the hamper. Behind her, Jane turned her head to watch Maura in the mirror over the sink, eyes drifting down shamelessly to take in Maura's breasts as they were revealed. Maura caught her eye and they smirked at each other. Jane seemed less embarrassed by being caught ogling Maura as of late, and Maura enjoyed the attention. Jane began to take off her own clothes, eyes returning to catch Maura's in the mirror as they undressed together. Jane dropped her clothes onto the floor, and though Maura itched to put them in the hamper, she knew that sometimes Jane wanted to take her dirty clothes home to wash, apparently guilty at the thought of Maura or her housekeeper doing her laundry—even though Maura washed more of her clothes than Jane probably realized. Jane sometimes seemed to not even notice when clean clothes were returned to her drawer in Maura's bedroom or the guest room.

Jane moved, then, coming up behind Maura to wrap her arms around her, kissing her shoulder, eyes still watching Maura's face in the mirror. Maura closed her eyes and felt Jane's arms, secure and strong around her, felt Jane's skin pressing against her. Maura smiled, and turned in Jane's arms to kiss her briefly. "Are you ready to get in?"

Jane nodded, "Yeah. Let's take a shower, babe."

Maura turned on the water and stepped in, inhaling deeply as the cool spray washed over her. She tended to wait for the water to warm up while she was already inside. Jane stepped in behind her and yelped, stepping right back out. Maura peeked around the shower curtain with a grin, "Sorry."

"Don't tell me you're one of those cold shower people," Jane grunted, face and hair glistening with just a splash of water, arms folded over herself.

"I don't mind a cool shower, but I'm just waiting for it to warm up," Maura called, then pushed her head under the water. She shook out her hair and continued, "While hot showers are good for stiff muscles and sinuses, cool showers are better for our hair and skin."

"My hair and skin are fine," Jane argued, "Is it hot yet?"

"It's warm. Come in."

Jane stepped in, arms still wrapped around her torso. "This isn't warm," she countered.

Maura laughed and reached to turn up the hot water. "Better?" she asked after a moment.

"I guess," Jane grumbled.

"Come here," Maura pulled Jane to her, and held her, the warming spray flowing down Maura's back. Jane exhaled near Maura's ear, and held her firmly for a long moment, but then her hands began to explore Maura's wet skin.

Jane pulled back, smiling, then asked, "Can I get wet now?"

"Just let me know how I can help," Maura replied with a wink.

Jane groaned and it turned into a laugh. "Well, _first_ , let me warm up under the water, and _then_ maybe we can talk about, um, other stuff."

Once Jane had enjoyed the hot shower spray, Maura was quick to initiate intimacy. For all that this had been the point of showering together, logistics had made it somewhat difficult to get to this point. Maura remembered why she didn't often attempt shower sex, but the sight of Jane, hair wet and dark, skin glistening with shower spray, was inspiration. Within a few minutes, she had Jane arching off the shower wall, clenching around Maura's fingers, their bodies pressed together as Maura practically held Jane up.

Maura watched Jane's heartbeat flutter in her throat as her head rested back against the shower wall, and then Jane was leaning forward to kiss her, lazily. Prolonging the kiss, Maura reached for the bar of soap and lathered it between her palms, then gently began running the soap over Jane's body. Jane laughed, a little. "You're washing me?"

"Yes," Maura responded playfully, and in spite of banter over the use of the shower spray, they both seemed to enjoy washing up together.

Naturally, Maura was perfectly content with the fact that she hadn't had an orgasm in the shower that morning, and just as naturally, she was certain that Jane was mildly disappointed that she hadn't. She anticipated that, probably sometime soon, Jane would make it her goal to get Maura off.

What she couldn't have anticipated was how.

During lunch, they took a walk to a nearby park with some carryout sandwiches. Jane found a bench that was at a distance from most of the activity in the park and they sat together.

Maura enjoyed the sun and the sounds and scents and sights of the nature around her. Boston was full of little oases like this, little parks in an emerald necklace among the buildings, just green enough to make one forget that they were in a major city. But halfway through her sandwich, her curiosity became her dominant thought, and she asked Jane, "So, why the picnic today? You hate the outdoors."

Jane shrugged. She was nearly finished with her sandwich and was focused mostly on her chips. "The outdoors are okay sometimes. Just wanted to go somewhere with you today."

It was sweet, and though Maura felt like this couldn't be the entire story, she decided not to press Jane. Jane eventually set her chips aside without finishing them and sat sipping her coffee, gaze taking in the park, a serious expression on her face.

By the time she had nearly finished the fruit that accompanied her sandwich, Maura was certain they didn't have much time left for lunch and should be heading back soon. She was about to say so when Jane finally said , "I'm ready to…you know. Do it."

Maura turned to her, perplexed. "To what does the 'it' refer in this case?" she inquired. But already her BPM was accelerating, already her body was tightening, coiling in anticipation of being told what she longed to hear.

To her credit, Jane remained fairly unflustered as she responded. "I want to fulfill you in ways I wasn't able to before, Maura," she started, and she angled her body more toward Maura on the bench. Her hesitant gaze crept toward meeting Maura's as she continued, "You've done…so much to make me into a happier, healthier and more fulfilled person, and though I mean sexually here, it's true of the rest of my life, too." Her eyes darted away at the confession, but other than a light flush on her face, she continued to remain collected. "Today in the shower made me remember, I don't want to keep you waiting for something you want or need, because you never make me do that." For a moment, Maura thought about her plan for Fenway, and wanted to refute Jane, but she avoided spoiling the surprise in the works. "So I want to do it for you. I want to…like…tie you up and, uh, fuck you while you're wearing your butt…thing." She met Maura's eye cautiously again. "If that's something you want," she added, voice soft and vulnerable.

"That's…exactly what I want," Maura replied faintly. Her head was swimming, and just the sight of Jane wetting her lips, probably to combat xerostomia due to nerves, made her feel even more light-headed and dreamy.

"Yeah?" Jane was smiling a little, "Want to do it tonight?" She almost blurted it.

Maura almost laughed. "Yes. Absolutely."

For the rest of the day, Maura had difficulty focusing on her work. It was a little frustrating, given that this was not a problem she typically had, but she also didn't exactly mind the way her thoughts were drifting to what she was going to do with Jane that night. She finished up her work as quickly as she could given her state of distraction, and then headed home to meet Jane.

Maura's heart was pounding as she entered her home, knowing Jane was parking and would be right behind her. She put her purse on her desk, on autopilot, and shuffled through it to retrieve her phone, but then she heard the door, and stopped. Jane stepped in, and Maura took in her wild eyes, the way she licked her lips. Jane strode toward her and took Maura's hips in her hands, leaning down to kiss her. Maura indulged the kisses for a few moments, then disengaged, wanting to look at Jane again and gauge her expression. Jane often appeared nervous before they tried something new, but even so, Maura wanted to make sure Jane had an out, if she required it. "We don't have to do this, you know. If you're not ready…"

"I'm ready," Jane kissed her again, "I want to do this," she told Maura, backing away enough to meet her eye, "I just don't want to screw it up," she said with a half-smile and a chuckle.

"I sincerely doubt you will," Maura replied, "And even if, for some reason, we had to stop the scene, it's absolutely okay." She felt it was necessary to ensure Jane realized consent could be withdrawn at any time. Jane gave a short nod, and Maura said, "Shall we head upstairs?"

The air felt like it was buzzing between them as they ascended the stairs, and even though Maura was fairly certain she should be hungry, she was too excited for it to be relevant. Besides, there was time for dinner after sex. Maura believed in fucking first.

Once inside her bedroom, Maura headed into the closet. There was no reason not to leave the door open, no reason not to allow Jane to follow her inside, but Maura liked making Jane wait outside. It built curiosity, it built tension. Jane, being an impatient person anyway, always had a frenetic energy after being forced to wait for something she wanted, and Maura liked when that energy got directed at her.

So she took her time, debating how much to undress. She settled on stripping down to her underwear, briefly debated changing them, but she didn't suspect they would be on her body for much longer, anyway. She opened her sex toy drawer and lifted out the cuffs, the butt plug and lube, and then grabbed a scarf, then headed out the door.

Jane had removed her shoes, socks and jacket and started unbuttoning her top, but was otherwise clothed. She stopped when she saw Maura approach. She reached out a hand to circle Maura's waist and bring her close, leaning in to kiss her. She eyed Maura's hands. "So, that's everything, huh?"

"Yes," Maura replied, moving toward the bed to place everything down. Jane followed, and quickly, they, too, were on the bed, Jane straddling Maura's hips and kissing her. Jane's fingertips were stroking over Maura's bare skin, grazing over her bra, and the longer they kissed the more desperate Maura became to touch Jane. She began reaching for her buttons, but Jane gently took one of her hands, bringing it to her mouth to kiss her fingertips, then placing it back down on the bed. It wasn't until Maura lifted the hand again, only to have Jane intercept it and put it back on the bed, that she understood, and she nearly whimpered at the realization that Jane wasn't going to let her touch her. Maura felt a desperate energy of her own well up in her body, and saw, from Jane's smirk, that Jane could tell exactly what was happening to her.

"Sit up a sec," Jane murmured, sitting back on her heels. Maura obeyed, and Jane grabbed both her wrists with one hand while the other reached around her to, a little clumsily, unclasp her bra.

The grip on Maura's wrists wasn't a particularly strong one, and she probably could have broken free, but she decided to indulge Jane, and helped take the bra off once it was unclasped. She couldn't even care that much about Jane tossing it onto the floor. Mostly, she was eager to see what Jane did next.

Jane chewed her lip for a moment, then reached for the cuffs. She held one up, and Maura let her buckle it on, then the other one. Though the action itself didn't carry any significant erotic weight to Maura, she felt wetter, just from the anticipation of what the cuffs promised.

After the cuffs were both on, Jane lifted each hand in turn and kissed both of Maura's palms. Maura wanted to reach for Jane's hair, wanted to cup her jaw, but Jane held her wrists just firmly enough to prevent it.

Jane looked at her with anxious eyes, then. "I think…you should probably handle the…butt plug." She'd managed the words, which was good, Maura though.

"Absolutely," Maura agreed. She could understand Jane's reticence. Jane needed to get used to this, like she got used to so many other things about sex with Maura.

Jane moved off to the side of Maura and handed her the lube and the butt plug. "Should I…give you some privacy?" she asked uncertainly, as Maura removed her panties and applied some lube to the tip of the toy.

"If you want to," Maura replied, "You don't have to watch if it will bother you."

Jane didn't say anything, but she didn't move. She didn't exactly have a head-on view of what was happening, but Maura was sure she could see the gist. Maura leaned back. She gasped at the cool sensation of the toy, a not entirely unpleasant feeling. Jane shifted, and Maura closed her eyes, concentrated on relaxing her muscles, slowly easing the toy inside of herself. She was glad Jane hadn't left the room or anything, because even if she wasn't watching the exact process, Maura knew she would at least be getting a sense for how to take things slowly and gently.

It felt sudden when the widest part of the toy pushed inside of her, and she groaned as it slid fully into place. Her eyes fluttered open, and sought Jane, who apparently had been watching Maura's face, her lips parted.

Jane licked her lips, "Is it…in?"

"Yes," Maura said softly.

"You look amazing," she murmured, and in a lithe motion, she was leaning across Maura's body, lowering her mouth to kiss Maura's face. Her hand trailed over Maura's skin, smoothing over her hip and then up to her breast. Her palm covered the curve of the breast, her fingers stroked Maura's nipple.

Maura arched toward Jane's touch and then reached for Jane herself, unable to resist, wanting to tangle her fingers in Jane's hair, wanting to stroke the soft skin and lithe muscles of Jane's upper body. But Jane retreated as Maura's hands lifted, moving back to sit on her heels, and her hand followed the curves of Maura's waist and hips, over her thigh and between her legs. Her fingers stroked over Maura, gently touching her clit, then stroked further down, exploring the anchor of the butt plug, making Maura gasp.

Jane watched her, brows constricted, "Okay?" she asked as her fingers stilled.

"Yes. Even little touches on it…feel amazing."

Jane touched the anchor, barely manipulating it, and Maura whimpered at the sensation in her sensitive flesh. But Jane didn't spend too long there, perhaps due to unfamiliarity, and was soon reaching for the scarf at the side of the bed. She knelt before Maura, who sat up a little. "Hold out your hands," Jane requested softly.

Maura did so, and watched as Jane carefully tied the scarf to either cuff. She let Maura test the strength of the bond, and as soon as Maura realized it was secure, Jane smirked, and Maura felt like she was melting.

Jane leaned to kiss Maura, then her lips began trailing down Maura's body with an excitement bordering on impatience, and quickly she was settling between Maura's legs, tongue stroking all over soft flesh. Maura groaned, feeling her back arch involuntarily, as Jane's tongue swirled over her clit. Maura's hands reached, finding Jane's hair, her fingers tangling and tugging. Jane made a muffled, pleased sound as her mouth continued to work, and Maura reveled in the feeling of her bound hands holding Jane's head steady.

Jane indulged Maura's hands on her head, continuing to lick and suck at Maura's clit, until Maura was undulating against her mouth, hands gripping Jane's hair in a steady tug, the air full of breathy gasps and muffled moans. Then Jane was lifting her head, forcing Maura to let go, and she gazed at Maura with dark, wild eyes, licking her lips and wiping at her mouth. She reached for Maura's hands, grasping the scarf that bound them together, and then was leaning over Maura's body, lifting her arms over her head and pinning the scarf against the headboard.

Maura's eyes rolled back in her head as Jane pinned her in place. Maura gave a cursory tug, ensuring that she was actually immobilized, and then focused on Jane, who was looking down at her with a confident smirk, wild hair falling over her shoulders. She leaned close, and Maura lifted her head to meet her lips, but Jane stayed just out of reach, until Maura sank back with a frustrated moan, feeling the erotic charge between them.

Jane kissed her then, a quick, short kiss, a reassurance, a reward, and Maura grinned. Jane's other hand stroked Maura's breast, rolling her nipples, and Maura sank into that state of trust and relinquished control. Jane was leaning over, pressing her face into Maura's cleavage, teeth and tongue teasing the soft flesh of Maura's breasts. She worshipped them with her face and one hand, and Maura tugged against her bindings as the longing to touch Jane's hair and face overrode thought and the knowledge that she was bound. Maura's breath hitched as Jane's hand kept hers in place, and her body felt like it was filling with lightning at the unrequited need to touch her lover. Maura's eyes fell shut as she released a long moan.

Jane chuckled, but otherwise seemed unaffected by Maura's palpable desperation. She continued her near-sacred ministrations on Maura's breasts, continued drawing out sounds from Maura's lips, until Maura heard the quality of her moans change, and she was practically whining, her nipples so hard and so sensitive from repeated attention that they were almost sore, her clit so swollen she felt like it was the source of her pulse. It was almost too much to bear, and a "Please," spilled out from her mouth before she could suppress it. Jane gave her a triumphant grin and latched onto a nipple once more, giving it a short, firm suck that verged on painful, but produced an explosion of pleasurable stars behind Maura's eyelids.

Then Jane released her breast and almost immediately Maura felt Jane's fingers pressing between her legs, stroking over her clit, over wetness. Maura arched again, hips lifting to meet Jane's hand, and her eyes flew open wide as she felt fingers slipping inside. A groan started in Maura's chest, her eyelids fluttered sightlessly. She could feel Jane's fingers pressing deep inside her, could feel her knuckles nudging the toy through the thin layers of Maura's flesh. Maura was gasping wordlessly, trying to express how amazing it felt to be so full, for every pump of Jane's fingers to press against the toy, heightening all sensation.

Jane's fingers were moving slowly at first, curling, pressing deep. Maura looked up at her as she held herself over Maura's body, took in the muscles of her forearms that held Maura in place. Jane was still almost fully dressed, her shirt unbuttoned, with the sleeves rolled up, and her mussed, wild appearance was insanely sexy to Maura, much as she wished she could just tear the rest of her clothes off. That desire, impossible in her position, only made her wetter, and she met Jane's eyes. Jane was studying her, looking almost smug, and indulged Maura in another quick kiss, just enough to make Maura whimper.

"I love making you feel so good," Jane murmured, her fingers continuing their steady movements, "You're so beautiful."

Maura didn't have much of vocabulary at the moment, and her only response was a few disjointed curses and blasphemous phrases. Jane's smirk grew, and she pushed her fingers in deep, curling, making Maura arch and moan. Maura's hips were now undulating, trying to match Jane's motions, and as she started gasping for breath, Jane pulled her fingers almost all the way out and thrust them back in. Maura groaned aloud, her arms flexing to balance as her body pushed back against Jane, and then Jane was thrusting, steadily and firmly, and Maura felt every sensation of Jane's fingers, of the toy, of her wrists held in place, reverberate all through her body. She felt like an instrument, and Jane was playing all the right notes.

And as Jane continued to thrust, Maura felt her orgasm building. She began to moan encouraging and affirming words, and Jane's eyes were alight, her lips parted, all of her attention and focus on Maura. She murmured, seemingly to herself, "God, I love making you come," and that was all it took for Maura, she was arching, bucking, crying out as Jane's fingers kept moving inside of her, intensifying everything. And abruptly, Maura was coming again, Jane's ceaseless movements and soft moans of encouragement drawing more out of her.

Maura wasn't entirely sure how long she came, nor if she was experiencing multiple orgasms or just one extended orgasm, but finally she gasped, "Okay. I…can't." Jane pressed her fingers deep inside once more, eliciting a last jolt of pleasure through Maura, and then Maura collapsed, her body finally relaxing into the bed.

Jane withdrew her fingers and held the scarf still attached to Maura's cuffs, drawing Maura's hands away from the headboard and toward Jane's chest. Maura's arms felt limp, and Jane quickly unbuckled the cuffs, tossing them aside and holding both of Maura's hands in hers. Maura, meanwhile, was catching her breath, gathering her wits, but as soon as she felt like she had control of her body, she reached for Jane, grasping her by her shirt, bringing her down for a kiss.

Jane lay next to her, stroking her hair and her skin soothingly, kissing her face as Maura shuddered lightly, still feeling the aftershocks of her orgasm. Maura reached for her hands, gripping Jane's in both of hers, unable to verbally express how sated and fulfilled she felt. She brought Jane's hands to her mouth and kissed them, each one, right over the scars in the center of Jane's palms. Her lips lingered over Jane's left palm, and Jane's fingers moved, stroking along Maura's jaw as her thumb sought her cheekbone. Jane's hands were strong, but soft, if not entirely smooth, yet her touch was so gentle. Maura ached over Jane's scars, the weight that they carried, and how cruel it was that something so essential to Jane had to bear the mark of someone who horrified her so much. Maura hoped that the fact that those hands were also capable of giving so much pleasure allowed Jane to reclaim them, at least a little bit. Like how bondage, for Maura, was an exercise in trust, and in participating in it, she healed a little bit more from the times she'd been vulnerable to the wrong person, and ended up in peril.

Sex was both sacred and profane, Maura knew, though the profanity, that being the biology, of sex struck Maura as something sacred in itself. Still, she could understand why others would find it off-putting to be so driven by the base instinctive desire to slam and rub flesh together. And the sacred, soul-fulfilling pleasure that kind of primal connection with another person elicited, well, Maura had never felt it so fully as with Jane. Maura wasn't sure she believed in soulmates, because the statistical improbability of randomly dispersed soulmates in the human population ever encountering each other made the whole idea moot and, possibly, cruel to consider. In simple terms, she knew that Dan Savage was right; there was no "The One," only the .65 she could maybe round up to "The One." But regardless of that fact, in moments like these she wondered if it could be true of herself and Jane. Or if, at least, Jane was an almost unheard-of .95 that Maura could round up to her "One." She knew Jane well enough that she didn't think she was necessarily deluding herself with these thoughts, as irrational as they were.

Maura considered all of this as Jane's fingers wove into Maura's hair, gently massaging her scalp. Maura found her voice, "You are divine."

Jane snorted. "Please," she purred, grinning fondly. Maura kissed her, pressing her body toward Jane's, sliding her arm into Jane's button-up to press closer. Abruptly, she remembered how erotically frustrated she had been by her inability to undress Jane, and she wanted to feel Jane's skin against hers. Maura's body and mind were waking up from her post-orgasmic haze, and she felt the strong desire to make Jane climax.

"Is there anything specific I can do for you, given you just enacted one of my fantasies?"

Jane shrugged, "Not really."

Maura studied her, and wondered how Jane would react to having her boundaries pushed a bit more in one night. She also knew that Jane typically required Maura to initiate something new. So Maura said, "May I suggest something we have not yet done?"

Jane cast her a curious look, her eyebrow rising. "Sure, why not?" Her tone was playful but guarded.

"When we initially discussed strap-ons, you confessed that you were mostly interested in wearing one. Which implies that you are also interested in being penetrated by one."

Jane winced, "Okay, really? 'Penetrated?' Not effective."

"Have it your way. I'd like to fuck you with a strap-on."

Jane's eyes widened. "I, uh. I mean, sure. I don't really come from that, but…we can try it if you want."

Maura wasn't deterred by Jane's uncertain response. Though her goal was to make Jane climax, it was fine if she had to switch tactics to do so. But she wanted to try this first. Not because she didn't believe Jane, but because it was something new for them to explore. After all, Jane had never been penetrated like this by a _woman_ before, and Maura suspected the experience would be very enlightening for them both.

They climbed down from the bed, and Maura took the cuffs back to her closet, this time, beckoning Jane to follow her inside. She opened up her drawer of sex toys and watched Jane's eyes seem to glaze over as she stared at the assortment of objects within. "How do you have this many?" she asked.

Maura chose not to reply and instead asked, "What would you like me to wear?"

Jane blinked, refocusing on Maura, and without hesitation replied, "The Fusion." Maura cast her an intrigued look, and Jane elaborated, "It feels _really_ good to wear it, and at least one of us should get off during this."

Maura wasn't sure if she would be able to achieve orgasm again, especially after the one—or ones—she'd just experienced. They were so intense that she suspected her refractory period would likely be longer than normal. But if the possibility existed for her to climax during this, she welcomed it. Besides, she had always been curious about that particular toy and its seemingly brilliant anatomical design.

So Maura gathered up the Fusion and the panty-style Spareparts harness, kissed Jane, and said, "I'll be right back," as she retreated into the bathroom for some privacy.

She removed the butt plug she was still wearing, intent on cleaning it and putting it away. She debated, for a few moments, leaving it in while wearing the strap-on, but although that sounded very pleasurable, she wanted to keep things simple as they tried something new together. Then she assembled the strap-on and pulled it on, aligning it as best she could.

Once she was prepared, Maura regarded herself in the mirror for a moment. Wearing a phallus wasn't something that made Maura feel sexy on its own, though the cut of the panty-style harness did help. Still, she found it difficult to strut into her bedroom the way should would any other time she was simply wearing underwear. Jane was undressing, and looked up as Maura walked in. She looked at Maura and chuckled, once, her eyes scanning. Maura folded her arms, "Why are you laughing?"

"I'm not," Jane replied, "Seeing you wearing it…it's just a bit weird, you know?"

"I suppose," Maura raised an eyebrow, taking in Jane's body. "Why are you still dressed?"

"I dunno," Jane said evasively, taking off her bra, though her pants were still on.

"Then I suppose we should address it." Maura approached, taking Jane's elbow, guiding her to the bed. She kissed Jane, who hummed contently against her lips at their initial contact, and Maura's hands began to unbuckle Jane's belt. Once Jane had stepped out of her pants, Maura coaxed her to sit on the edge of the bed. She was almost still the same height even sitting there, and Maura kept kissing her as she ran her hands up Jane's thighs, and she quickly confirmed something. "Are you wearing a thong?"

Jane was definitely blushing. "It felt appropriate."

"Wait. Did you put this on just now?"

"Maybe," Jane grumbled, "I just wanted to look sexy for you, okay? You know, for this."

Maura wanted to laugh, but pressed her lips together. Ultimately, whatever Jane needed to get into the headspace required to get fucked, Maura wouldn't deny her. Even if the fact that Jane was keeping thongs at Maura's house was something she was dying to discuss. "You are sexy," she told Jane, who gave her a half-smile in return, eyes almost smoldering.

"You're just saying that because you're about to get some," Jane retorted, but then she kissed Maura softly, nose bumping hers affectionately.

"I can't wait," Maura murmured softly in Jane's ear, then she reached to start pulling the thong down Jane's legs.

Maura had to admit, as the silky, insubstantial undergarment slid down Jane's thighs, that there was something very erotic about the experience. Jane wearing a thong wasn't something she'd considered much, because it seemed antithetical to the aspects of Jane that she found most attractive, and yet…removing her thong gave Maura a thrill, a charge. Perhaps Jane was onto something in her decision to further gender code the experience.

As the thong slid down Jane's calves, Maura recalled Jane borrowing a razor to shave her legs that morning, and Maura couldn't help but caress the smooth skin. She loved that Jane was pragmatic, that Jane was the kind of woman who waited until she needed a reason to shave, and even though Maura shaved daily, it had never bothered her if they'd been intimate when Jane was stubbly. Still, the fact that it heightened Jane's femininity in the moment was its own kind of erotic. She always found Jane sexy, but the little details that set the stage for the sex they were about to have just made Maura even more excited.

So excited, in fact, that she couldn't resist kissing her way back up Jane's legs as she dropped the thong on the floor next to her. Jane's hands found her hair as her tongue traced the adductor longus of Jane's inner thigh. Eagerly, she swiped her tongue toward the apex of Jane's thighs, a felt Jane's grip tighten on her hair at the first broad lick. Maura moaned; Jane was already so wet, and Maura eagerly pressed her face closer as her lips and tongue began stroking all over Jane's clit. Jane whimpered and gasped, still gripping Maura's hair.

Maura brought her hand up after a few moments and, mouth still working, she pressed a finger inside Jane slowly. She felt Jane's posture change as her back arched, heard Jane's stuttering moan as Maura's finger pressed and stroked inside. Momentarily, she added a second finger, and they slid inside easily. Maura reveled in the feeling of Jane tightening around them.

Gradually, as Maura continued, Jane began to lean back, her thighs parting more, until she was fully reclined, hands still in Maura's hair. Maura lifted her head, looking up Jane's body to see her head tipped back. Jane looked down to meet Maura's gaze after a moment, flushed and panting, and began to rise on her elbows. Maura removed her fingers slowly, then stood up and let her hand fall to the strap-on. She watched Jane, who was watching Maura's hand as she ran her wet fingers over the toy. Jane blinked, and she glanced up to meet Maura's eyes. Maura stroked up Jane's thigh with her left hand, her palm settling on the curve of Jane's hip. "Are you ready?" Maura asked her.

Jane nodded, jaw tensing. Maura could sense her nervousness, and rubbed both hands over Jane's thighs and hips for a moment, then gripped Jane's hips and pulled her forward, just a little bit more. Jane wrapped her legs around Maura's back, helping to pull herself, and Maura grabbed her legs, holding them there, fingers pressing into her hamstring muscles. Jane's legs were strong, lean, and Maura ran her hands down them until she was grasping Jane's ass, and she leaned forward to press a kiss onto Jane's sternum. As she kissed her way to a nipple, she reached next to Jane on the bed, groping for the lube they'd left there. Maura indulged for a moment, swirling her tongue against the stiff flesh just long enough to make Jane squirm and moan and for her legs to wrap around Maura's, seemingly instinctively. But then Maura straightened again, flipping the cap off the lube and squeezing a tiny bit into her fingers. She ensured that the shaft was well-lubricated while her other hand kept Jane in play, teasing her nipples.

Once she was certain she was sufficiently lubricated, Maura's hand slid back down to Jane's waist. Jane rose on her elbows and watched as Maura began guiding the tip toward Jane. She let the length of the shaft slide between Jane's labia, over her clit, making Jane's breath hitch, and then they were both watching as Maura gently pressed the tip of the toy against Jane's entrance.

Maura glanced up, and waited for Jane's eyes to meet hers before she barely pushed her hips forward. She watched Jane let out her breath, jaw trembling open. Maura moved again, pushing just a little bit deeper, and Jane's eyes closed. She leaned her head back, her whole body arching subtly, and she lifted her legs again to Maura's waist. Maura pressed forward once again, finding she moved easily, and in a long, steady motion, she pushed fully inside Jane. Her hands travelled, settling just under Jane's ribs, and Maura stroked Jane's side soothingly as she groaned, legs tightening around Maura.

"Effective?" Maura asked softly.

"Feels good," was all Jane said, her voice practically a purr. But then her eyes cracked open, "Dunno if it's enough to make me come," she admitted softly.

"Don't think about that," Maura replied, gradually pulling out almost completely. Her right hand smoothed down Jane's side, her thumb seeking out Jane's clit, and she began to trace unhurried circles, barely pressing into Jane's sensitive flesh. "You're not supposed to be coming yet. I want to savor this," and at the penultimate word, Maura pushed back in, deliberately slow. Jane arched slowly along with her, peaking as Maura's hips met the backs of Jane's thighs. Jane exhaled sharply and relaxed a little as Maura began to pull out steadily again.

Maura wanted to move slowly for Jane's sake, knowing she was nervous and wanting to give her time to be reintroduced to the sensation of being filled, even if the Fusion was modest in size. Maura knew Jane might need time to relax, though so far, it seemed as if everything was going well. But Maura took her time for a few more moments. She liked watching the toy disappearing inside Jane, loved watching Jane's face and body respond to each thrust. And though it was fairly subtle, she was enjoying the friction the toy gave her clit.

Gripping Jane's hips, Maura began to move a little bit quicker, her strokes still long and deep. It was almost like dancing, the way she began to roll her hips to a rhythm, and perhaps that was why Maura felt like she needed to do something with her hands. Merely holding Jane's hip and touching her clit felt almost mechanical, so she began to caress Jane's torso, tracing the curve of her waist and hips, cupping her breasts only to stroke down her abs, smoothing over her hipbones. Her touches made Jane arch and squirm as her breathing changed, matching the rhythm of Maura's thrusts, which were unintentionally beginning to accelerate in tempo.

Before too long, Jane's hand was falling between her legs, fingers moving over her own clit as Maura began to play with the tempo. It felt almost like jazz improvisation, as she searched for different patterns that made Jane respond the most, changing from quick, short, deep thrusts to long and slow, then abruptly to very slow and very deep. She wasn't following any sort of rules, but she was seeking something coherent, seeking to produce something beautiful as her body moved with Jane's. She settled for awhile on a steady rhythm, watching Jane, whose eyebrows were constricting, "You okay?" Maura asked, wondering if perhaps they needed more lube.

"I don't think I can come this way," Jane said quietly.

"We can stop, if you like," Maura said, though she hadn't stopped yet, merely slowed.

Jane was quiet for a moment, though her fingers still idly moved over her clit. Finally, she said, "Can we try it with me on top?"

"Of course," Maura said, and she reached for the base of the dildo to hold it steady as she gently pulled out. Jane exhaled loudly as the toy fully slid out, and took a moment to catch her breath as Maura climbed up onto the bed next to her. Maura kissed her lips, a leisurely kiss that Jane prolonged by gently grabbing the hair at the base of Maura's neck, and when they parted, Maura reclined back onto her pillows, and Jane moved to straddle her waist.

A little clumsily, Jane moved to position herself just over the strap-on, and Maura held her waist, more out of a desire to touch her than anything else. Her gaze darted up to meet Jane's for a second, and then Jane's eyes were closing as she slowly sank down onto the toy. Maura watched her face, the way her eyebrows constricted and then relaxed as her mouth parted in a barely suppressed whimper. Jane stayed still for a moment, letting her weight settle against Maura's hips, and then one hand splayed over Maura's ribs, steadying Jane as she rose only to come down again. Maura watched the toy this time, watched it disappear inside Jane, and they groaned in unison.

Her hair had begun cascading over her shoulder, so Jane flipped it back with a sweep of her hand that made Maura's stomach flutter excitedly. Her hair had already begun to spill over her shoulder again as Jane began to find her own steady rhythm, balancing herself with a hand on her thigh and the other still cupping just beneath Maura's breast. And as that rhythm began to take form, Maura began to feel the pattern of friction the Fusion gave her clit. It had grown more intense when Jane had gotten on top, and Maura was certain that if they continued long enough, that she would, indeed, climax. But she wanted to focus on Jane, so she concentrated on trying to match Jane's rhythm, meeting her thrusts. Mostly, she let Jane set the pace, which quickened until Jane was riding hard, their skin slapping as Maura fucked her, though, with the way Jane moved, her hips rolling on each downstroke, it almost felt like Jane was fucking her.

Still, even as Jane shifted position, bracing herself against the bed while her other hand fell to her clit, Maura could tell from Jane's expression that this was quickly becoming less about chasing her pleasure and more about becoming desperate to achieve orgasm. The mind was the biggest sexual organ, and if Jane suspected she would be unable to climax, that could prevent it entirely. Maura decided she needed to try to take control of the situation, to help coax Jane there.

Maura began to sit up, enough that Jane slowed down and shifted, staying balanced as their positions and the angle of penetration changed. They reached for each other at the same moment, holding each other up, Maura's hands circling around Jane's hips and ass, Jane gripping Maura's shoulders. Jane was still moving, but the thrusts were much shorter, the strap-on staying mostly buried deep inside of her. Maura nuzzled Jane's breasts, taking a nipple between her lips and stroking it with her tongue, as Jane's hands gripped her back and shoulders, fingers digging in. Maura could hear her breathing, loud exhales with each thrust, and she reached her hands up to grip Jane's hair, making her moan aloud. Maura kissed up her neck and Jane bent her head down to meet her lips, and Maura felt Jane's moans against her lips and tongue as she continued to ride the strap-on.

Their mouths parted, and Maura kissed Jane's jawline, gently turning her head with the leverage from her grip on Jane's hair so that her lips were just next to Jane's ear. "God, I love this. Feels like I'm actually inside you," Maura murmured, hoping to give Jane's erotic brain something to latch onto.

"You are," Jane whimpered, and Maura felt a tremble run through her body.

"Yeah?" Maura asked, feeling something electric move down her own spine at Jane's words. Jane whimpered out an affirmative, her hands running down Maura's back, gripping at different points to steady herself as her hips moved. Maura's hand held her waist, encouraging her movements. The words spilled out before Maura could consider whether Jane would find them as hot as she did. "I love fucking you."

Unexpectedly, Jane groaned, slammed her hips down into Maura's lap with more vigor for a few more thrusts. "Yeah," she gasped out.

Maura felt like she had stumbled upon something absolutely decadent. She kissed her way to Jane's ear again and spoke softly but clearly, "You love it when I fuck you, don't you?"

A full-throated moan was her answer, and she felt nails dig into her back as Jane's hips moved hard, fast against her own. Maura groped for more words, more narratophilic things to say, but before she could come up with anything, Jane was moaning, "Yeah, yeah," and then her arms were wrapping around Maura tightly, her head was falling forward, and she thrust down hard onto Maura's lap.

There was a moment of stillness, barely a instant, and then Jane's open mouth was pressing against Maura's shoulder as she muffled a guttural groan there. Maura felt Jane's hips moving now, rolling against hers, and in a moment, Jane was shaking, body pressed against Maura's. Maura held her up as each wave of orgasm made Jane's entire body bow and constrict, felt each scream of pleasure muffled against her shoulder, felt Jane's teeth press just into her flesh as she rode Maura throughout her long climax. Maura had never experienced anything quite like this, and all she could do was hold on to Jane's body as it let pleasure overtake it, and Maura felt like an anchor for a ship at sea being buffeted by a storm. She couldn't even be entirely sure the storm hadn't caught her up, too, just from feeling Jane coming against her.

Finally, Jane's body seemed to sag, and she held herself against Maura. Maura could feel Jane's pulse racing, her chest heaving with her breaths. Jane didn't seem at all inclined to move, and her weight was bearing Maura down onto the bed. Maura came down gently, cradling Jane along the way, and once she was supine, she unwound her arms from their hold on Jane's back, settling on Jane's hips.

"Come on," Maura said softly, hands urging Jane to lift off of the strap-on. With effort, Jane lifted herself off, groaning and shuddering as she fully slid off the toy, and, limbs trembling, she stretched out next to Maura, burying her face next to Maura's breast and moaning softly. Maura reached for her, lifting her up so that Jane's face was buried in her neck, and held her as Jane continued to moan and tremble through the aftershocks of her orgasm. She had certainly never made Jane climax this hard, and she welled up with pride.

Finally, Jane seemed to regain her voice, and she said roughly, "I didn't know I could come like that, too."

The awe in Jane's voice made Maura fill with even more pride, this time for Jane. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen," Maura replied honestly. She retroactively fact-checked herself, thinking about all the wonder she had seen under microscopes, through telescopes, in the symmetry of mathematics and the certainty of the laws of the physical sciences, and yet, she knew she hadn't lied. Watching Jane Rizzoli come apart in her arms had been absolutely breathtaking.

Jane snorted, pressing her face against Maura's breasts again, and Maura indulged her need to hide. Maybe she would always be shy after sex. Maura could accept that, even found it a bit endearing. She kissed Jane's head, pulled her closer, and Jane sighed contentedly, another small tremble rippling through her. Finally, she spoke, lips grazing the swell of Maura's breast. "I guess I might have some kind of fantasy. Sort of."

Maura perked up. She still had a few months to wait before Fenway would happen, and she was eager to have something else they could explore before then. "What is it?"

"I just like when you do housework. Like, when you're barefoot."

Maura angled her head, trying to catch Jane's eye. Most of Jane's face was still pressed against Maura's side, but one eye peeked up to meet Maura's. "You like to watch when I do housework? Barefoot?"

"Yeah. Like dressed like you usually do, vacuuming or something."

Maura was intrigued, "Is it simply voyeurism for you?"

"I dunno. I guess. But also you just look different in bare feet. Or when you're not wearing heels, like sometimes in the autopsy lab. I mean, you look great in heels, don't get me wrong. But I like watching you work on something, especially when like…your posture is more grounded, I guess." She shrugged, "It's sexy."

"I'll definitely keep that in mind," Maura hummed, eager to have something else in her wheelhouse with which she could seduce Jane, especially something so simple. Coming from anyone else, Maura might have considered eroticized housework deeply sexist, but Jane had a way of making her feel sexy when she subverted gender roles, even if that subversion wasn't exactly what Jane was tapping into. She smirked. Perhaps she had a bit of an exhibitionist streak of her own, because the thought of Jane watching her, getting an erotic charge from her housecleaning, well…Maura liked perverting domesticity with Jane.

"You know I'm gonna marry you someday, right?" Jane asked, closing her eyes and nuzzling Maura's breast again.

Maura almost laughed. "I know, Jane. When we're ready."

And they would be, because they already were. Nothing had changed between them, except everything. And for Maura, comfort lay in the fact that only she and Jane could make so many discordant truths find harmony.


End file.
